Overcoming the lonelyness
by VeroGeller
Summary: EPILOGUE UP. Two stories merged as one. The past and the present colide... A Ross & Rachel story. Please read and review
1. Prologue

Here I am again, with my third RnR story... you know how much I love them, right?... hehehe.... well... I guess I only have left to say that they don't belong to me :(, they belong to BCK and well, now with the story ;)  
  
~~~Overcoming the lonelyness - Prologue~~~  
  
"Come on, you promised!" said 15 years old Rachel Green to her father over the phone "you promised you'd be here for my birthday" she had tears in her eyes. It had been more than two years since the last time she had seen him and being daddy's little girl as she always had been made her missed him even more. Plus, her relationship with her mother was everyday worst, both couldn't stand each other. Rachel had always blamed her for the absence of her father and Sandra thought her oldest daughter's behavior was not appropiate for a fifteen years old lady. "I'm sorry princess, I've got a big important meeting the day after, and I can't miss that one. Specially if you want me to keep on paying those enormous credit cards bills I get every moth" replied her father with a sweet tone in his voice. He didn't want to let his baby down again, but this time ther was no other way out "It's ok... maybe next year" replied Rachel really sad... she wanted to be with his daddy more than anything in the world, but being on a whole different country made it a lot harder. After her parents split up five years ago, Sandra took her three daughters with her to London, where they had been living ever since, and although her two younger sister were already used to live there she never felt that place like home. She missed America, she missed her daddy, she missed the life she used to have when she was a little girl. But above all things, she missed feeling love. "I promise I'll fly over there as soon as I can" answerent confident Leonard "Yeah right" "Hey young lady... I'm not lying to you... I won't let you down this time... I promise" he reasured her "you know what... I have a better idea... would you like to come here and spend the summer with me?" "Are you serious?" asked Rachel with a huge smile on her face, filled with illusion "I would love to go there... I barely remember New York anyway, and I'm dying to see you" "Ok, but you have to convince your mother and you can come with your sisters if you want" "Do I really have to??" complained Rachel, her two little sisters were really annoying. She wouldn't be able to enjoy her father's comany if they were there, and the whole trip would be a torture "Just if you want princess" Leonard loved his 3 daughter, but there was something special between him and Rachel, he felt more attached to her than to Amy or little Jill, maybe because he got to enjoy her more when he and Sandra were together. They spoke to each other everyday over the phone and always was trying to please her. Hearing the happyness on his daughter's voice had made his day. He surely wanted to have her there, if it was up to him he would have there to spoil her little princess all the time, but he knew Sandra would never allow that "Talk to your mother and call me back... I'll be waiting for your call, alright sweetheart?" "Yes daddy... I'll go talk to her right now... bye bye!" Rachel almost yelled at the phone before hanging on. She was so happy... she was going to see her father again and the best thing was she would be going back to her country, to her home, to the place where she truly belonged.  
  
"MOM!!" called Rachel her mother, who was on the second floor of their house, as she ran upstairs. "MOM!!" she kept screaming. "What?... what happened?" asked Sandra emerging from her bedroom "Mom... can I... can I... can I" tried to mutter Rachel recovering her breath "can I go to New York this summer?" "What? Are you insane??" said Sandra looking at her daughter with her eyes wide open "Why not?" "And how do you plan to get there?? All by yourself??" "Well... yeah... I mean... it would be only for the plane ride anyway, because daddy will be waiting for me at the airport when I arrive"  
  
Sandra laugh. Her ex-husband had been promising things to their daughters ever since they split up and yet he kept on doing it. Sure, he wasn't the one dealing with the disapointed look and the untolerable behavior after he let them down. Her other two daughters had stop believing in her father already, but for some reason Rachel still didn't give up on her father "Mom... he just said..." "Yes, I'm sure he did darling, just like he told you he was going to come for your birthday" "He... he... can't... he has a meeting he can't miss" "Aaaah... always meetings are more important that his family... I see he hasn't changed a bit" "Come on mom... that's not what I'm talking to you about" Rachel looked at her mother begging her to say yes "Rachel, I don't want you to go to New York" replied Sandra after a long pause as she thought about all the pros and cons of her daughter's idea "Why not?" yelled Rachel almost in tears "Because is a dangerous city for a young lady like you" replied Sandra before turning around, she couldn't stand the look on Rachel's face "What a lot of crap!! Why don't you just tell me the truth? Why don't you just accept you don't want me to see my father?" "That's not truth and you know it... I just... I don't want you to go there... that's all... I have my reasons... I am your mother and I know why I'm telling you this" "Thank you very much mom" replied sarcastically Rachel "you just ruined my life". She stormed out of her mother's bedroom slamming the door before entering her room, where she started to cry. She was going to go to New York anyway with or without her mother's approval... she belonged there, her future was there and she knew it, she felt it, and it didn't matter how many things got in her way, she was going to do it.  
  
There was a knock on the door. Rachel knew who it was "Jill, leave me alone!" "I'm not Jill" said Sandra opening slightly the door "I'm not talking to you" "Rachel, please... you have to trust me... I know my decisions don't make much sense for you now, but they will someday" "Great answer mom..." "Rachel Karen Green... stop it!" "I just don't understand you... I mean... going to New York would make me really, really happy, and you know it. Do you hate me so much that you don't want to see me happy?" "Don't you say that ever again!!... I don't hate you... how could I hate you if you are my daughter. I love you and your sisters more than anything in my life" Sandra also had tears in her eyes, she couldn't believe her own daughter thought she hated her, how could she? Was she really being such a bad mother? "Then what is it?" "I... I... I don't want your father to let you down again... I've seen that dissapointed look in your face so many times, I don't wanna see it again, not with this" "But he won't mom... he said I had to call him as soon as I talked to you... I'm sure he's not lying this time"  
  
Sandra looked at her oldest daughter for a while, she hadn't realized before how beautiful she was, she wasn't a little girl anymore, and she had made a desicion. It was time to let her baby fly with her own wings, it was time to let her make her own mistakes. "Ok, you can go... but just for holidays... you can't stay any longer... you have to be here in September to start school... deal?" "DEAL!!" yelled smiling Rachel before running downstairs to call her dad. She would be going to New York, finally. Her life was about to change, she knew it.  
  
*~*  
  
Rachel sat on the sit by the window. She hated flying. It made her really nervous. And this was going to be a long trip, almost 8 hours acording to her mother. But it was ok, everything was worth it, she would be seeing her father soon and that was all that matters. "I would prefer to make this trip on bus anyway" she said to herself "I know, me too... and I bet it would be fun to watch everthing under the sea by the bus window. My brother says it's impossible though... he's a real pain in the as$" said a kind of overweight girl sitted on Rachel's side. She hadn't seen her or noticed her precense, so when the girl talked she jumped out of fear "Sorry... I scare ya'?" "No... it's... it's ok... I didn't.... I didn't see you there and I was kind of in a whole different word... I'm nervous" replied Rachel, not sure why she was been so talkative with a girl she didn't know "I'm Monica by the way.... Monica Geller" said the girl extending her hand for Rachel to hold "Rachel Green" replied Rachel shaking Monica's hand "So Rachel.... where are you going? Are you traveling by yourself?" "Uhmmm yeah... I'm going to see my dad... he's in New York" "Great... my brother and I are going to New York too!! We just came to London because my geek brother won a history comptetion or something like that... he's a big nerd" said Monica winking. Rachel laugh, Monica seemed to be a great girl, nothing like the friends she had back at home, they were all as skinny as models and very very shallow. The only thing they could talk about were guys and clothes, Rachel constantly wondered if they were capable thinking anything else or if their brains had passed away for the lack of use. "So you are here with your brother then?" she asked to her new found friend "Yeah, but the wet-head is in the restroom. He really hates flying. His face turns purple and then green, is very funny" Both girls laugh "I bet it is" replied Rachel  
  
"Ok Mon shut up" said a guy coming from behind the sits "I was just a bit ditzy" "But we havent even started to move" laugh even more Monica looking at Rachel with an 'I told you so' look "She's Rachel by the way... she's also going to New York. This is Ross... my geek brother" "Hi" said Ross smiling shyly. Her sister's new friend certanly was pretty he thought "Hi" replied Rachel. She didn't spect Ross to look the way he did, she was waiting for the tipical nerdy guy you see on tv shows, but instead Ross was really handsome, kind of sexy on a cute way she thought "Would you please stop staring at my friend like that Ross? Your eyes are popping out your head!" Ross blushed and looked away "shut up Monica!" "So... where in New York will you be staying Rach... can I call you Rach right?" "yes of course... and I have no idea, at my father's place I guess. But I really don't know where is that" "It's ok, I hope is not too far away from us. We will be at our grandma's in 'The Village'... well, I'll be staying there for the summer, wet-head here is staying for the whole year. He's starting college" "Really? College? That's great!" "Yeah, I'm really excited" "He wants to be a dino-man" laugh Monica "A dino-man?" asked Rachel confused "That's the easy word my retarded little sister uses to say 'paleontologist'. I want to be a paleontologist" "Well... dino-man is a much easier word... i think i'll go with that one too" joked Rachel and the three of them happyly laugh, they were so into the conversation that not Rachel or Ross felt the plane was starting to fly as their lifes started to change.  
  
To be continue  
  
Here's my new fic... this one it's going to be kind of different than the other ones... but I hope you enjoy it too :). 


	2. Chapter 1 Nowdays

Thank you guys for your reviews :)... I'm get really happy knowing you enjoy what I write... didn't think I'd get a review just because the prologue.... once again... a big THANK YOU :).  
  
This chapter takes place 10 years after the prologue... this story is written in a different way than my previews one... or than any other fic... you'll see... it may look confusing at first, but you'll catch up ;)  
  
One last thing.... this characters don't belong to me :(, they belong to BKC... but you already knew that, please keep on reviewing... I love getting your feedbacks... and here Carol (as in Ross ex wife) was never a lesbian... you'll know later why she is important here.  
  
~~~Overcoming the lonelyness - Chapter 1 (Nowdays)~~~  
  
The phone started to ring and ring just when Monica was entering to her apartment with both hands filled with packages and shopping bags. Christmas was coming and she already had bought all the presents for all of her friends. Luckyly her fiance wasn't home yet, so she would be able to hide them all really quick so he or any of their friends, who had the damn tradition of looking for them, wouldn't find them.  
  
"Damn Chandler!" she said when she realized Chandler had unplugged the answering machine and forgot to plugg it in again, as usual "I wonder who was it.... nah... if it's important they'll call again"  
  
Monica quickly started sorting all the presents by wich ones were for whom. She had bought a big robot for her nephew. 4 years old Ben Geller loved robots as much as his father loved dinosaurs. Monica smiled, Ross was a wonderful father, everything had been a bit hard for him the past year, but things were finally getting better, and they will keep on getting even better than they were now, she was sure about it.  
  
The phone ringed again. Monica quickly picked up "Hello?" she said  
  
"Hello... Mon?" said a woman's voice from the other side of the line  
  
"Oh my God Rachel!!"  
  
"Hey Mon... what's up?"  
  
"I just came back from Christmas shopping"  
  
"Mon... is November"  
  
"I know... I know... but you know I like making my shopping earlier. That's why you always get your present on time... not like other people"  
  
"You know I barely have time for shopping... that's why I make them just a couple of days before... you always got your present anyway... you can't complain"  
  
"I got it in March Rach"  
  
"But still.... the intention is what counts, right?"  
  
"Yeah... you are right I guess... but hey.... what's up with you?... we haven't talked in months.... how are you?"  
  
"Tired... but great... and how is EVERYBODY over there?" Rachel remaked the 'everybody' word  
  
"Well... we are all pretty good and Ross is getting better, you know how that is. Thanks for asking anyway"  
  
"Is he really? And how's little Ben?"  
  
"Getting bigger day by day... he's the cuttest little boy"  
  
"I bet he is, he was the cutest little baby"  
  
"You haven't seen him since the day he was born, right?"  
  
"Yeah... it's been 4, 5 years... right?"  
  
"4 years Rach. You haven't been here in 4 years" replied Monica with a sad voice, although Rachel had been calling her all this years at least once a month, she missed her friend like crazy  
  
"Wow... that's a.... that's a long long time"  
  
"I know... if it wasn't for the pics you sent me the other day I wouldn't have a clue how my friend looks like" Monica started to cry, she knew how diffucult coming back to New York would be for her friend, emotionally specially. After her father passed out 5 years ago Rachel just came back to New York once, and it hadn't been nice... it hadn't been nice at all. Monica missed hanging out with her friend and having those girly talks they used to have when they were teenagers and a little bit after that, when Rachel came to spend the summer with her father.  
  
"Stop it Mon or you're gonna make me cry too.... I actually have good news for you" Rachel tried to clam Monica  
  
"Unless is you're coming back here I can't think of anything else" replied Monica like a little girl  
  
"Well then.... BINGO... I'm going to New York... actually I'm moving back"  
  
"Are you messing with me?.... you should not joke with this kind of things Rachel Karen Green"  
  
Rachel laugh, Monica's reactions were always amuzing for her "I'm not joking Mon... I'm actually moving back there"  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yeah"  
  
"So... you are not joking?"  
  
"Nop"  
  
"OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!!" yelled Monica excited just when Chandler entered the apartment. Noticing the Christmas presents on the coffee table  
  
"I'm also very happy to see you honey" said Chandler looking weirdly at his fiance  
  
"RACHEL IS MOVING HERE!! RACHEL IS MOVING HERE!!" she kept on yelling  
  
"Honey, you are yelling" Chandler took the phone from Monica's hand who was still dancing out of happyness "I guess I'll get the good loving tonight, thank you for that Rach" he said to Rachel over the phone  
  
"Hey Chandler!.... how are you?!"  
  
"Excited by the news, although not as much as Monica... who, by the way, is now yelling at the balcony"  
  
Rachel laugh "that's so Monica"  
  
"I know... do you want to talk to her again? Or you prefer having a nice chat with her charming fiance?"  
  
Rachel laugh again "Let's give Mon another minute to get it out of her system, I don't want to be deaf before turning 26... so I guess the charming fiance is ok... can you put him on the line please?" she joked  
  
"Really, really funny" replied Chandler "so... why are you moving here... I thought you were an anti-New York person"  
  
"I'm not anti-New York... I just.... don't like painfull memories, that's all... and because of my job, I recived a HUGE job offer I couldn't turn down from Ralph Lauren NY to be one of the people in charge of this year's line. I couldn't say no to that, it's much more money and I'll get to see you guys"  
  
"This is grea..... hey!!" Chandler couldn't finnish talking to Rachel when Monica took the phone from his hands  
  
"It's me again.... when are you getting here?" asked Monica, still very excited  
  
"Ok Mon.... first of all.... breath... and second of all.... in two weeks"  
  
"This is GREAT!! You'll be here to help me with the wedding!!"  
  
"Yeah well..."  
  
"We are gonna have so much fun... just like when we were kids!"  
  
"Mon... Mon... please... slow it down... you are giving me a headache"  
  
"Ok... ok.... I'm calm.... I'm just so happy"  
  
"I know you are sweety, I'm really happy I'll be seeing you soon... I gotta go now... I have an early meeting with my boss tomorrow and it's already 11 pm over here"  
  
"Ok honey... take care... and call me soon to know at what time do you want me to pick you up"  
  
"Ok sweety... bye... and say goodbye to Chandler for me"  
  
"Sure honey... bye bye" said Monica before hanging on the phone. She kept smiling for a while with the phone in her hands. She finally would have her best friend by her side again. Ever since they met on that plane almost 10 years ago, Monica had felt a special thing for Rachel, they had an special conection wich, in spite of all the distance and everything that had happened since they met, had only grow stronger  
  
"You are happy...huh?" asked Chandler as he looked lovingly at Monica  
  
"You bet I am"  
  
"Are you planning on telling Ross? Or are you gonna wait until she gets here so he can see her, have a stroke and ... well... you know.... die"  
  
"I don't know" replied nervously Monica "should I tell him?"  
  
"I think you should... after all this time... she's still Rachel, you know"  
  
"Yeah... I know... but maybe... maybe she should tell him"  
  
"Mon... they haven't talked to each other since Ben was born"  
  
"You are right... ok... ok... I'm going to tell him then... I have to warn him... so he can decide if he wants to see her or not". Monica approached to the door, took her keys, her coat and opened the door "you are coming with me though"  
  
"Me?... why?... why?... why?"  
  
"I'm not leaving you here all alone with the Christmas presents"  
  
"But I'm not..."  
  
"Come on!!"  
  
"Yes sweetheart"  
  
*~*  
  
"Daddy, daddy... I'm hungry"  
  
"Alright champion, give me a minute and I'll make you dinner. I just have to check this papers and I'll do it"  
  
"But I'm hungry now!"  
  
"I know little one, but I really have to finnish this"  
  
"But daddy... I want it now!!"  
  
"Ben, buddy... what have I told ya' about my work?"  
  
"I don't know... I can't remember.... but I'm hungry"  
  
Ross took his son by his waist and sitted him on his knees to be face to face with him "Daddy's work is very important because it's what bring us money to buy food, cothes all those robots you have in your room"  
  
Ben looked down and nodded. He was a smart little boy. Ross knew that, he was also a wonderful son. Everything he had gone through forced him to grow up faster than a normal kid. Sometimes he acted like a 7 years old, although he was only 4. Ross felt a bit guilty about that, at the end of the day, he had been the one putting on his little son's shoulders more responsabilities than he should.  
  
"It's ok buddy... I'm going to make you dinner.... work can wait"  
  
"Really?" asked the little boy with a grin on his face  
  
"Yes, sure... why not" replied Ross grinning too. He liked to spoil his little son from time to time, and what was putting his work aside to give his soon a good dinner an hour earlier  
  
The door bell ringed "Go get that one while I go into the kitchen. Ask who it is before opening the door" said Ross as he put Ben back on his feet and he stood up from the chouch  
  
"I know that daddy" replied the little kid as he headed to the door "who is it?" he asked  
  
"Is auntie Monica and uncle Chandler honey" replied Monica from the other side of the door  
  
"Hold on" yelled back Ben and run to his room to get his tiny chair, he was too small to reach the knob so he had to clim over something to do so  
  
"Who is it Ben?" asked Rpss from the kitchen  
  
"Aunt Monica and Uncle Chandler daddy" replied the kid as he got over the chair "hi" he said grinning to his aunt and uncle when he finally opened the door  
  
"Hello little one" greeted Chandler taking the kid by his waist and putting him over his shoulders  
  
"Where's your daddy sweetheart?" asked Monica  
  
"Here I am" replied Ross emerging from the kitchen "I was making differ for this little fella"  
  
"yeah I'm starving"  
  
"He's starting to sound like Joey" joked Ross  
  
"Actually Ross... I need to talk to you about something"  
  
"Ok sis... shoot"  
  
"Ok... let's go into the kitchen"  
  
"Wow... this sounds serious" joked again Ross smiling. Monica just gave him a look and his smile disapear "ok, now I'm worried"  
  
Ross and Monica entered to the kitchen and closed the door, leaving Chandler and Ben alone in the livingroom. "So.... wanna play?" asked Chandler  
  
"Yeah.... I got a new robot... is a transformer... wanna see it?"  
  
"Sure!"  
  
*~*  
  
"Ok, what happened Mon... you are really freaking me out"  
  
"Well.... it's.... it's nothing to be worried about.... it's more like.... a news"  
  
"A news?... ok... now I'm confused"  
  
"It's about.... it's about Rachel"  
  
"Ra.... Rachel?!" asked Ross, taken off guard by that name. He hadn't heard it in such a long time... not even in his head... he didn't allow himself to think about her anymore "what's up... what's up with Rachel?"  
  
"She's coming to New York again"  
  
"That's.... that's great" replied Ross with a fake smile  
  
"To stay"  
  
To be continue...  
  
That's it for now... I know... I know... cliffchanger.... you people hate it.... but it makes the story more interesting....  
  
Just so you know... the next chapter will take after the prologue.... please review :). Ow... and I can promise you the next chapters will be longer than this first two ;) 


	3. Chapter 2 10 years ago

Here's the new chapter of my fic... I know it took me a long time to update it and I'm sorry.... I had been kind of busy. :-p.... All you need to know for this chapter is that it takes place after the prologue.... 'till one point this will seem like 2 different stories, but one explains the other.... you'll see.... there are a lot of questions without answer now, but they will be answered in their own time.... PLEASE KEEP REVIEWING, it means a lot to me....  
  
~~~Overcoming the lonelyness - Chapter 2 (10 years ago)~~~  
  
The 3 teenagers came down the plane still laughing. The fly hadn't been so awful thought Rachel, actually it had been amazing, and everything because of Ross and Monica. During the past 9 hours they had laugh, joked and talked about everything, from music to fashion, Ross even made them a whole class about the paleolithic era, although the girls pretended they had fallen asleep at the mention of the 'jurasik' word.  
  
Now that the fly was over the 3 new found friends didn't know if this was going to be the last time they saw each other and they were really worried about it. Specially Rachel, she had never met such special people in her entire life and she didn't want to let them go. Monica was like the best friend she always wanted, and Ross... well... Ross was yummy. She couldn't deny she had a crush on the guy since the first time she saw him. He was so cute and such a gentelman, and leaving all the dinasaurs talking aside, he was really fun to talk to.  
  
"Ok you guys... I have to stay here. My daddy is picking me up and he told me to wait here" said Rachel  
  
"Are you sure you don't want us to take you home Rach?" asked Monica, she didn't want to let her new friend on her own  
  
"It's ok Mon. Daddy promised me he would come, I probably just have to call him to let him know I'm already here"  
  
"Well Rachel... it has... it has been a pleasure" Ross slightly blushed  
  
"Likewise" replied Rachel, feeling like her cheeks turned into a soft tone of pink  
  
"Here... that's our phone number" said Monica giving Rachel a piece of paper "you'll call us as soon as you get to your father's place to tell us where exactly that is, so we can get together and do something fun, ok?"  
  
"I'll call you Mon... don't worry, you won't get rid of me so easily" joked Rachel  
  
"I really hope so" replied Monica before hugging her new friend who was smiling akwardly. Rachel didn't know if it was because she had been living in England for too long or what, but she wasn't a touchy person. She wasn't used to be hugged every five minutes, specially not by a friend. All her friends back at home were really cold and not very expressive. Suddenly Rachel panic, what if she was becoming one of those girls? Not in a million years she thought and hugged Monica back.  
  
"There are mom and dad" said Ross pointing to the other side of the room where his and Monica's parents were standing "apparently they are looking for us"  
  
"Give me a second" said Monica before walking away, heading to where her parents were standing, looking totally lost  
  
"It was really nice meeting you" said Ross once he and Rachel were left on their own  
  
"It was nice meeting you too... inspite or all the dinosaurs" she replied laughing  
  
"Oh yeah... I'm sorry about that... I let myself go sometimes... I forgot no one else cares about it like I do"  
  
"It was ok actually... I was just joking. It's a really interesting subject"  
  
"You think?" asked Ross surprised "Because there's a lecture on the NYU this weekend and..."  
  
"I was just trying to be nice"  
  
"Oh I see..."  
  
Rachel laugh again. Ross was cute indeed, and that shy boy thing he had going on was really sexy. "Hey... do you think we could... uhm....you know.... uhm..."  
  
"What?" asked Ross confused. He notice Rachel was a bit nervous now and he didn't know why the sudden change. He really liked her, she was a spoiled little girl, but he found that very very interesting.  
  
"Uhm... do you think... we... we... we can... you know... get together... sometime... maybe?"  
  
"Sure. As soon as you call Monica the three of us can get together and do something"  
  
"Yes, I know that, but... I meant... I meant you and I together... just the two of us"  
  
Ross looked at her attonished. He never thought a beautiful girl like her would like a geeky guy like him, but aparently she did. He felt so happy, he had liked her since he laid his eyes on her, he had never seen a smile as beautiful as hers. "Of... of course... I would love that"  
  
Rachel smiled, she felt nervous, she was really worried about Ross' answer. Maybe he wasn't going to want to hang out with her, at the end of the day she was 3 years younger than him and he could easily think she wasn't really smart, at least not as much as him. "Ok... it's a deal then" she said handing him her hand for him to take it  
  
"Deal" replied Ross taking Rachel's hand. Both remainded locked on a deep look for what it seemed an eternity. Only the touch of his hand gave Rachel the chills. She got lost in his deep brown eyes and couldn't think of anything else but how it would feel like to kiss him  
  
"Stop staring at her like that. You are not even blinking!" Monica's voice came from nowhere, bringing Ross and Rachel back to reality.  
  
Ross blushed again at the realization of his little sister precense. Although he and Rachel weren't doing anything else than staring at each other, he felt that moment had been as magical and private as a kiss.  
  
Both looked down, avoiding each other's gaze, still trying to get it together, not wanting the other, or Monica, to know what was going through their minds.  
  
"Dad is getting our luggage and mom said she will be waiting for us in the car while we say goodbye to Rachel" Monica informed her brother without noticing the look on his face. He was looking at Rachel again who was standing behind Monica looking back at him "ROSS!! Are you listening to me?" yelled Monica.  
  
"Yes... yes... yes Mon" replied Ross, quickly snapping back to reality again  
  
"What's wrong with you?... you are being so weird"  
  
"It's... it's nothing Mon"  
  
"He's probably tired.... from the fly.... I know I am" said Rachel  
  
"Yes, that's... that's it... I'm so tired" replied Ross with a fake yawn  
  
The 3 guys said their goodbyes to each other before the Gellers left, leaving Rachel on her own, waiting for her father. Something had begun that day, and it wasn't just her new found friendship with Monica. She was so excited about the months she'll be spending in New York and now not just because of her father, but also for Monica and Ross, specially for him. The moment his hand touched hers, she knew this was more than a simply crush. It just took one look from him for her to feel totally transparent, like he could easily see right through her. She felt completly naked in front of him. She had never felt that way for anyone before, and she was completly sure she would never feel it again for anyone else, at least she didn't want to.  
  
Meeting them had reasured her she belonged here and not in England, this was her home, her place, the place where she was supposed to be. But she had promised her mother she'd be coming back in September. She had just arrived but was already suffering because she'll have to leave in two months. "I will live here one day" she promised to herself "This is my home"  
  
"Princess!!" said a man from across the room  
  
"Daddy!!" yelled Rachel running into her father's arms, feeling like the little girl she once was  
  
*~*  
  
"Hello?" said Rachel picking up the phone  
  
"Hey" replied Ross from the other side of the line  
  
"Hey!!... what a surprise!! I haven't seen you in weeks" responded Rachel smiling  
  
"Yeah well... I'm moving to the dorms so I've been kind of busy... how are you?"  
  
"Fine... great actually. I'm having a great time here!"  
  
"That's great... hey, is Monica there?"  
  
Rachel's smile dissapeared and she felt a lump forming in her throat. He wasn't calling her, he was calling his sister. She should had known, why would he be calling her, it had been almost a month since she was there and they had barely seen each other, he didn't seem interested "She's... she's in the bathroom" she managed to say, fighting the tears.  
  
"Great, because I have to talk to you and I don't want her to know I'm calling you  
  
"What?" she said confused  
  
"I sneaked into her room to get your phone number. She didn't want to give it to me"  
  
Rachel's smile reapeared "she's not here at the moment, so we are good, but you better hurry because she'd be getting back anytime soon"  
  
"Ok... I'm calling you to ask you what are you doing tonight" he quickly said  
  
"Uhm... nothing, why?" she replied cheered  
  
"Do you want to catch a movie with me or something?"  
  
"I would love to" she replied, trying to contain her happyness  
  
"Ok, I'll see you at Central Perk at 8 then... wait, do you know where that is?"  
  
"Yeah, it's that little coffee place near your grandma's apartment"  
  
"Yup... that one... I'll see you then"  
  
"Ok, I'll see you"  
  
"Who was that?" asked Monica sitting on her friend's bed  
  
"Who?" asked alarmed Rachel  
  
"The one in the phone, who has you smiling so widely"  
  
"It was nothing..."  
  
"Come on Rach" insisted Monica  
  
"Ok.. ok... I have a date tonight"  
  
"A date?... with whom?"  
  
"This guy.... I met...a couple of days ago" rambled Rachel nervously  
  
"Why? When? How? Why didn't you tell me about him?"  
  
"I... I didn't thought he was gonna call me"  
  
"But you have to start getting ready... oh my God, this is so exciting!!"  
  
"I know" replied Rachel smiling  
  
*~*  
  
Ross looked at his watch. Rachel was already 10 minutes late and he was starting to get nervous. Maybe she had problems with Monica, maybe she wasn't coming, maybe she didn't want to go, maybe she regreted saying yes to him. A thousand posibilities came across Ross' mind. He looked at his watch again and stood up from the couch, looking out side through the window. Maybe something had happened to her, he knew he should had offer to pick her up, but he didn't want to run into Monica  
  
Without noticing her, Rachel stood up behind Ross' back and put her hand on his shoulder, making him jump out of fear  
  
"Sorry I'm late" she apologized smiling  
  
"It's ok... just... never do that again... you scared the hell out of me"  
  
"But I'm only 15 minutes late"  
  
"No... I mean... coming from behind... you really scared me"  
  
"Ok, I'll never do it again... I promise" replied Rachel laughing at Ross expression, he was still pale from the scare  
  
"Hey... don't laugh at me..."  
  
"Ok... ok... I won't laugh... but you should see your face... is really funny"  
  
"Ha ha"  
  
"So... what are we doing tonight?... my dad said I have to be home at 11:30, so we don't have much time"  
  
"Do you want to catch a movie?"  
  
"Did you hear what I say? We only have a bit more that 3 hours!"  
  
"And who's fault is that? We would have 3 and a half hours if 'someone' would have made it on time" he joked. It was amazing how confortable he felt with her. With most of the girls he was a mess, very clumsy and extremly shy, but with her he felt he could be himself, whatever that meant.  
  
"Hey!!... that wasn't my fault... it was your sister's... she kept on asking me who was I going out with... I still don't see why the whole mistery anyway"  
  
"You don't know my sister Rach... she would get really mad at me if she knew I have feelings for you" Ross let her mouth run a bit too much, not noticing what he had just said  
  
"You have what?" asked shocked Rachel  
  
"I... well... you... I... Oh my God!" rambled nervously Ross, realizing what he had just said.  
  
"You... you have feelings for me?"  
  
Ross looked down and sigh. There wasn't a way to take those words back now. Rachel would probably freak out and leave he thought. How could he let it spill the one thing he had to keep for himself?. This will probably be the shorter date ever.  
  
"Ross?... what?... are you gonna answer me? Did... did you say you have feelings for me?"  
  
Ross nodded, still looking down. He didn't want to face Rachel, he was too embarrassed  
  
"Wow" was all Rachel could say  
  
"Could you uhm... forget what I just said?... I mean... well... I really wanna spend sometime with you... and I don't want you to think I'm some kind of emotional freak or whatever"  
  
Rachel looked at him. She couldn't take her eyes off him, he was so sweet. "What if I don't want to..." she said  
  
"Wha... what?... why?" he asked confused, lifting his head to look at her  
  
"Because I kind of have feelings for you too... I guess I'm an emotional freak too" she replied smiling sweetly  
  
He smiled back at her, wondering what should he do next. Should he kiss her? Or should he wait until the date was over to see if she still felt the same way after spending time with him? He was really confused  
  
"Ok... now that we established that... can we go on with our date?" said Rachel trying to break the tension and letting him know it was ok if he didn't know what to do, because she didn't know either.  
  
"Let's go them" said Ross, and they started to walk out. When they were crossing the door, Rachel grabbed his hand. He smiled shyly at her and both left the coffee house holding hands.  
  
*~*  
  
"This is me" said Rachel when they reached the tall building where Rachel's father apartment was. She had felt cold while they were walking on the park so he had gave her his sweater, wich looked pretty big on her.  
  
Ross made a sad face, he didn't want this date to be over so soon. "You can keep the sweater. That would give us another excuse to see each other soon... that's my favourite sweater"  
  
"Ok then... I'll take good care of it... I promise" she replied smiling "I had a great time tonight"  
  
"I did too... we... we should really do this again"  
  
"Yes we should" she replied, feeling a bit speechless. It was hard for her to put down in words how much she had enjoyed this time they had spent together and even harder to express the many things she was feeling.  
  
He looked deep into her eyes and slowly started to lean in. Feeling their faces getting closer by the second he just let himself go. Ross had been wanting to kiss her the whole night, and he couldn't hide it anymore.  
  
"No... wait" she said taking a few steps back, moving away from him  
  
"Oh my God... I'm sorry" said Ross covering his face with both of his hands "I knew I didn't have to do that... I'm so stupid... I'm sorry"  
  
"No... no Ross... don't say that... it's not your fault... it's... it's mine actually"  
  
"I'm so stupid... first I tell you I have feelings for you before the date even started and now I try to kiss you?... what's wrong with me?"  
  
"There's nothing wrong with you Ross... I'm the one ruining this now... not you"  
  
"Come on Rach... I'm the one who keeps making mistakes. I don't want to rush you into anything, I really don't. And I still hope you will give me a second chance... I'm not gonna screw it up the next time"  
  
"Of course I will... but really... the whole kiss thing... I ruined it... I.... I..." Rachel blushed "I wanted you to kiss me too"  
  
"Then... what's the matter?... why did you back up?" asked Ross  
  
Rachel blushed even more and looked down "If I tell you you're gonna thing I'm a freak"  
  
"Try me" he said grinning  
  
"It's just... it's just... I've.... I've... never... wel... I haven't.... well"  
  
"Come on... trust me... you can do it"  
  
"Ok... ok... well... I've.... I've never kissed a guy before" Rachel's voice trailed at the end of the sentence. She felt so embarrassed and silly.  
  
Ross looked at her sweetly and smiled, she was so cute. With one hand he lifted her chin to look straight into her eyes and with the other he pulled her near him. "Then I'm going to give you your first kiss" he said softly before kissing her sweetly on the lips.  
  
Rachel felt as the electricity of Ross' lips touching hers ran through all of her body. She felt like she was floating, everything was magic and the time stood still. Her first kiss had been even more wonderful than she ever thought it would be. It had been perfect.  
  
When they broke the kiss Rachel kept her eyes shout for a while, still feeling the touch of Ross' lips on hers, longing for more "woooow" she muttered  
  
Ross smiled, still holding her by the waist. He kissed her forehead and said "I'll call you tomorrow... you better go upstairs now or your dad is going to kill you"  
  
"Yes.. you are... you are right... I.... I gotta go" she replied without moving  
  
"Bye then" he said back, not moving either  
  
She lifted her face looking for his lips again and they kissed one more time, enjoying it as much as the first time, knowing for sure that this wasn't going to be the last time they would do it, this was just the begining  
  
TO BE CONTINUE...  
  
That's it for now.... I hope you liked this chapter... I thought it was kind of sweet... you know, Ross being Rachel's first kiss.... you'll see he was very important in her life.... as I said before... PLEASE REVIEW.... I'll try to post the next chapter (wich takes place after the last one) tomorrow or the day after tomorrow tops....  
  
HAPPY NEW YEAR by the way ;-) 


	4. Chapter 3 Nowdays

Has I promised you yesterday here's the new chapter.... I still have other two ones done and being working in the other two for a while now.... I'll probably post them next week, since tonight is new years ever and I won't be home for this weeked.... PLEASE REVIEW, and remember this chapter takes place after the Chapter 1

~~~Overcoming the lonelyness – Chapter 3 (Nowdays)~~~

  
"She's uhm... she's comig to stay?" asked Ross, taken back by Monica's news "now is a bit late, don't you think?"  
"It's because of her workd... she doens't want to be here... you know that"  
"Oh yeah" replied sarcasticly Ross "I sure do"  
"Come on Ross... it's been 4 years since the last time she came.."  
"I know that.... I still remember it... it was the day Ben was born" Ross looked down feeling how his hear was filling with memories of his last conversation with Rachel. Both had said horrible things to each other, and he was sure none of them meant any of those words, at least he knew he didn't.  
"She's still my friend Ross... and I'm not gonna stop seeing her just because you don't feel like it. For all I know, you were the one who was an as$ back then"  
"Hey! I was willing to give her everything!, she was the one who left, she was the one who didn't want to take it, she was the one who leave me. That wasn't my fault"  
"Her father had just died... and also... well... there was so much going on in her life... she needed to clear her mind... I can't talk to you about the whole Rachel thing... I can't... I'm just caught in the middle... I was just letting you know she's comming so you can be prepared when you see her again"  
"If I see her again" corrected Ross  
"Well... I'm sorry, but you'll have to see her... it's the only way you can finally turn around that page of your life"  
Ross sighed and remained silent for a couple of minutes. "You are probably right... When is she arriving?"  
"In two weeks" replied Monica "Ross, why don't you try to put the past aside... you've been married since it all happened. It's time to move on, she probably already did. Maybe you guys can be friends again"  
"We never were friends Monica. We were always more than that"  
"Then you'll have to try to be friend with her. She's really important for me... and she once was really important to you too... please, give it a try"  
"Ok... I'll try.... but I can't promise you anything"  
"Thank you, that's all I'm asking"  
  
*~*  
  
"So who's this Rachel chick?" asked Joey sitted on the arm chair at the Central Perk  
"She's a friend of mine. We met like 10 years ago in a plane when Ross and I were coming back from England. She used to come here every summer. We always had a great time togheter" explained very chreered Monica "well, not as a great time as she used to have with Ross but anyway" she winked at Phoebe and Joey, who had never met Rachel.  
"Shut up Monica" said Ross pissed. Ever since his sister found out Rachel was coming the conversations about her increased and he was already sick of so many memories.  
"Is she hot?" asked Joey interested  
"She's... good.... good looking... yeah.... you can say that" replied Chandler, not wanting to get troubles with Monica or Ross  
"But you can't date her honey. She was Ross' girlfriend" said Monica rubbing Joey's had  
Suddenly Ross stood up, he was sick of the whole Rachel thing "She wasn't my girlfriend, she never wanted to be. And yes Joey, she's really hot, and you can date her. I couldn't care less" he said before storming out from the coffee house.  
  
"What's up with him?" asked Phoebe confused by Ross' reaction  
"We shouldn't had talked so much about Rachel in front of him" replied Monica, feeling guilty "their story didn't end up really good"  
"It actually didn't end" added Chandler "they never had any closure about it"  
"Yeah... that's true... Ross has always been in love with her, even when he was with Carol. He broke up with her once or twice because of Rachel"  
"Really?... but he seemed to be so in love with Carol" said Phoebe  
"Well... after everything was kind of over with Rachel, he forced himself to fall for Carol... that's why this whole Carol thing has been so hard for him. Been with her helped him not to think about Rachel"  
"Was it really that bad?" asked Phoebe  
"Yeah, both of them felt so many things for each other. At one point that scared them and it was easier to make mistakes. And they made huge ones. Those two hurt each other more than anyone else, really deep and horrible wounds"  
"That sounds horrible" commented Joey "But I still can date her, right?".  
The rest of the gang just rolled their eyes at him "didn't you listen the story?" asked Chandler  
  
*~*  
  
Ross arrived to his apartment on his own. Ben was at his parents and he was thankful about it. At least for that day he wasn't feeling able to be around his little son, he wasn't feeling able to be around anyone actually. He just wanted to be on his own. Alone with his memories, alone with his pain.  
He was almost sure he would never see Rachel again, she was out of his life and had it been for a long time now. But just the idea of having her back, made him wonder. Sure they had been really young when they were together, but he always knew there was something special about the way he felt about her. It had been different, maybe it had been too much too soon and none of them were ready to handle all the things they were feeling. He had loved her like he never thought he would be capable of and like he never loved again. Carol had been his wife ad he had loved her, but that love never was even the shadow of his love for Rachel. He knew it and Carol had known it. And inspite of all the time that had been through, all the things said and the many other left unsaid, all the lies and betrayals, she was still in his heart, even though he had tried to ripped her off so many times.  
  
He headed to his room in the darkness of his apartment. He wasn't feeling like turning on the lights, it would be too different compared to the way he was feeling. Ross opened the last drawer of his desk after looking for the key, they one key he hadn't used in a while. When he saw what was inside, memories of a happier time came across his mind. It was filled with pictures, movie tickets, restaurant bills, letters and a lot of other stuff from all of the summers he had shared with Rachel more than 5 years ago.  
He took a bottle of shampoo Rachel has left on his apartment the day she left. He smelled it, remembering the perfume of her hair. He had always loved it. It used to drive him crazy, just like everything she did and she knew it. She always took advantage of the power she had over him, getting away with everything she wanted. But it had been ok, Ross used to love to spoil her, he had been willing to give her the moon if she wanted to.  
  
Ross tried to remember when everything got so messed up. He had made a lot of mistakes, he knew it. But always helding the hope she would forgive him, and it wasn't like she had never made a bad move. When he asked her to stay with him, to move into his apartment she had replied it would be too much for her and she wasn't ready, specially not now. He never understood why, she never explained to him. The next morning he woke up and found a note saying she needed some time for herself, that she wasn't feeling able to carry on with their relationship because she would never be able to give him the one thing he wanted the most. Ross felt how his heart broke that morning, the one woman he had love more than anything in the world had left him with no explanation. After giving up on the hope of having her back in his life he promised himself he would move on and never looked back. 5 years later he still wasn't able to do so.  
  
*~*  
  
Rachel came down the plane feeling as nervous as the first time she came back to NY 9 years ago. Back then she didn't know how Ross and Monica would recive her, specially Ross. Now it was the exact same thing. She walked through the lobby of the airport looking everywhere to see if she could spot Monica or Chandler. That place brought her so many memories, so many farewell and welcome kisses with Ross, so many tears shared, so many promises and so many illusions, that had ended just like that, illusions.  
She looked around and saw so many people arriving and leaving. People filled with dreams like she once was the first time she came to New York to see her daddy. That one trip changed her life forever, it had caused her so much happyness and yet so much pain. The first time she arrived thinking this was her long lost home and ended up running away from the pain this place caused her.   
And now here she was again, back to everything had started, back to the one place she thought she'd never return, scared of reliving everything all over again.  
  
"Rach!!" heard Rachel from behind. She had been so much into her thoughts, she had lost track of what was happening around "Rachel!!"  
"Stop the yelling, I'm here... I'm not in England!" joked Rachel turning around to hug Monica. The only thing she missed about New York was her friend, she was the one thing that made her feel happy of been back  
"Don't I get a hug too?" said Chandler as he watched the two friends hugging locked on an unbreakable hug "I swear Joey would be in heaven seeing you two like that"  
"Shut up Chandler" replied Monica wipping her tears, she was so happy to have Rachel back again  
"Come here funny man" said Rachel before hugging Chandler. She had met him 9 years ago, during one of the most unforgetable summers of her life. She had always thought he was a little too sarcastic for her liking, but Monica always had a thing for him. Rachel was so happy for her friend now, although she hadn't been there when they started their relationship, she knew every single detail. That's why her phone bill was so huge every month.  
  
"Where will be you staying?" asked Monica once they were walking to the car  
"In an appartment the company rented for me"  
"Wow... that sounds fancy" said Chandler  
"Well... not much... I mean... I could pick any apartment in any place I wanted... but I chose one in 'the village' to be near you guys"  
"Aaaaww... you did?" Monica's eyes started to water again  
"Of course honey. Although there wasn't any apartment available in your building. But I'll be in the building across the street from yours.... you know.... where the ugly naked guy used to live"  
"That's great!! You are gonna love that building!! Is great!!"  
"Really?... great then"  
  
Chandler, looking really worried, pull Monica aside so Rachel wouldn't hear what he was about to say  
"What?" said Monica  
"You do realize Rachel will be living in Ross' building?"  
"What?... Oh my God"  
"Exactly"  
"Well... there's nothing we can do, right?"  
"No... not much... just hope they don't run into each other in a hallway and rip their eyes out in public"  
  
"What's wrong?" asked Rachel aproaching to them, noticing the worried look on their faces  
"Nothing... uhm... we were just... uhm... worried about.... uhm... how are we supposed to put all your bags in the car..." lied Monica  
"Yeah... did you bring your entire closet or something?"  
"Hey... I like having options ok... and I guess we can hire a cab or two... you don't have to worry so much about it"  
"Oh... I think we do" said Chandler to Monica before crossing the main door  
  
_To be continue..._  



	5. Chapter 4 9 years ago

Hey people!!!... thank you very very much for all your kind reviews... if there's not much people reading this fic I can understand it... it's kind of complicated to follow... sorry about that, but this was something I really wanted to try.... I'm finnishing it anyway, I hate leaving things incomplete.... to the people who's really interested... thank you very much, for those who are not... well... I don't think you're reading this anyway =P, but there's always other fics in the future....   
Now with the story...  
  
  
  
~~~Overcoming the lonelyness - Chapter 4 (9 years ago)~~~  
  


Rachel came down the plane feeling more nervous than she had ever felt in her entire life. She wanted to see Monica, but specially wanted to see Ross. She hadn't been able to take him out of her head for the past 10 months, but for a very extrange reason she hadn't talked to him ever since she went back to England. The few times she called Monica and Ross picked up the phone, she was dying to tell him how much she missed him, how much she had been thinking about him and ask him if something similar was happening to him, but she never did. He didn't either. That made her think he maybe looked at what happened a year ago like just a summer fling. Maybe she was making a big deal out of something really small, maybe it had been all just a game, but at least for her it had been something really special. She wasn't sure if what she was feeling for Ross was still a crush or just the illusion of what had happened the previous year, but she was sure there was still something there that had denyed to die.

*~*

The first thing Rachel did when she arrived to her father's apartment was run to her bedroom to call Monica. She was dying to see her friend, she was desesperate to tell her about the fly and how boring it had been without her and Ross. Rachel took the telephone and started dealing Monica's phone number. After 4 rings someone picked up.

"Hello?" a male voice came from the other side. Rachel's heart skipped a beat. It was Ross' voice

"Uhm... hey Ross... is Monica there?"

"Hey... give me a second..."

"No wait..." she hurried to say

"Yeah?"

"How.... how are you?" she asked shyly

"Fine... you?"

"Great... I'm at my father's now"

"You are here? Already?"

"yeah... that's.... that's why I was calling... Monica"

"Well... Monica won't be around much this summer" informed Ross

"Really? Why?"

"Fat camp"

"That's... that's great for her.... but I'm not gonna get to see her? Did she left already?"

"Not yet, but she'll be leaving in a week, and she'll return a couple of days before having to go back to classes"

"Oh man!" exclamed Rachel crushed. She had so many expectatives for this summer to be as perfect and magical as the last one, and now she'll probably have to spend it on her own. Monica wouldn't be there and Ross seemed not to care she was already in New York

"Do you still want to talk to her?"

"Yeah... of course"

"Hold on a second then"

Monica picked and started to talk to Rachel. Ross looked at his sister as she told her friend about her plans for that summer. Once again he had blew the oportunity to talk to Rachel. He had been so nervous and once again he had seemed rude. For the last 10 months he'd been thinking about her none stop. His roommate, Chandler, was already tired of hearing him speaking her name and complaining about how slow the time went by. All he wanted was to hold her in his arms once again and kiss her. But then, he hadn't spoken to her the whole year. Everytime he was at home and picked up the phone, he'd get so nervous he was unable to say a thing. For all he knew she could tell him she was already dating another guy or just didn't want to talk to him. After all, she did have his phone number at campus and had never called him.

"Rachel asked me what happened to you..." said Monica to her brother who was staring into the space

"Wha... what?"

"Seriously... what's wrong with you?"

"No.... nothing... there's nothing wrong with me"

"Ok... whatever. Can you do me a favor?"

"Not now... I'm tired"

"Come on... I know you're gonna enjoy this"

"What is it?"

"Can you go and pick up Rachel from her father's?"

"What?"

"I told her I would send dad, but I'm sure she'd prefer to see you. Come on, you know you wanna see her again!"

"What?!... what are you talking about?"

"Come on. What do you think I am... stupid? Blind?... I saw the way you looked at each other the day Rachel left"

"You are really lost Mon... and I'm really tired"

"Ok, ok... I'm wrong, but I'm still sure there was something there... please do it for me... your tiny little sister who loves you so much!"

"Tiny little sister?" replied amuzed Ross

"Well... I'll be when I get back from camp.... but please!!"

"Ok.. ok.. I'll go... but if I fall asleep in the car and we crash against a tree and die it will be only your fault!"

"Ok, I'll have that in mind... now... go.... go"

"I'm going, I'm going" said Ross as he took his jacket and his car keys before leaving the house

*~*

Ross drove all the way to Rachel's place thinking about what he was going to do when he finally saw her. He'd been waiting for this moment the whole year and now he didn't know what he would do. Probably he'd just stand in there and smile at her. What else could he do? Run to her and kiss her?, what if she didn't kiss him back? What if she got mad at him? What if she thought he was completly crazy? No, he would just stay calm, and if somewhere down the road she said anything about last year he would tell her everything he had been wanting to say to her since the minute she took the plane 10 months ago. Otherwise, why to bother.

*~*

The door bell ringed. Rachel was still in her room packing some stuff to spend the weeked at her friend's place

"Daddy!! Can you open the door? It must be Monica's dad, and I'm not ready yet!"

"Of course princess" replied Dr Green. Although he was sad because his little pumpkin will leave when she'd just arrived, nothing made him happier than seeing her smiling.

Leonard opened the door to reveal a very nervous Ross standing in the hallway "Yes? May I help you" he greeted the young man standing in front of him

"Uhm... he... he... hello Sir... I came to.... uhmmm... to pick up Rachel" stuttered Ross

"To pick up Rachel? Are you Monica's father?" asked hardshly Rachel's father

"No sir... sir... I'm Monica's.... Monica's brother" there was something very intimidating about Leonard Green that Ross seemed unable to put himself together in front of him

"Oh, Monica's brother. Why didn't you father come kid?"

"He... he was busy sir"

"Ok... you can come in if you don't want to wait in the hallway... let me see if my princess is ready"

"Yes sir" replied Ross entering to the apartment, somehow relieved because Dr Green had left the room. He could totally feel like this man was seeing right through him, knowing he had feelings for his daughter and not very fond of it. Leonard Green always gave the impression he would kill any guy who even came close to his precious Rachel, and Ross was sure he could do it

*~*

"A kid came" said Leonard to his daughter who was still passing around her room, not sure of what pj she should pack

"A kid?" she asked, looking at her father confused

"Yeah... this kid... I didn't hear his name, but he said he was Monica's brother"

"Mo... Monica's brother? Ross is here? Oh my God!"

"Oh my God what? Please Rachel don't tell me you like this kid"

"Why... why not?"

"First of all young lady... you are too young to be thinking about guys. And second... he's not good enough for you"

"But daddy, you don't know him"

"And probably you don't know him either" Leonard looked seriously at his daughter for a while "Is he the same guy you went out almost every night last summer?"

Rachel looked at her father scared, he had never reacted like this before, he used to let her do whatever she wanted, never forbidding her anything. This whole thing was so weird. She didn't know what to answer him

"Ye... yes daddy... he is" she finally replied

"Then I'm gonna have to have a chat with you two... you are too young to be dating and he's too weird"

"He's not weird daddy, he was probably nervous". "I know I am" she added in her head. She thought she would still have an hour before seeing Ross again, so she'll have the whole way to Monica's house to establish what she was gonna say or do. But he was now in the livingroom of her house, waiting for her, one room or two away.

"Ok, we'll talk about this when you come back. The kid is waiting for you and Monica too"

"Thank you daddy" replied Rachel hugging her dad, feeling butterflies in her stomach just because Ross was there.

*~*

Ross passed around the living room area from side to side really worried. Whatever it was that was taking Rachel and her father so long couldn't be good. Her dad hadn't liked him, he was sure about it. He had acted like a complete retarded in front of him, no wonder why he could think he wasn't good enough for his daughter. Even himself thought so most of the time.

Ross raised his head and saw Rachel looking at him standing in front of her father. He just smiled at her weakly and waved a little feeling even more stupid than he already did. She looked even more beautiful than 10 months ago. She had grown up, she wasn't a girl anymore, she had became a woman. Ross was mesmerized by her beauty once again, lost in the curves of her face, facinated by her smile and charmed by her eyes.

"I SAID will you be the one bringing her back?" said loudly Rachel's father, brining Ross back to reality. 

"Great, now he'll think I'm a psycho too" thought Ross. "Yes... yes sir" he replied

"Ok then... cause I have to talk to you boy"

"Yes sir"

"Take care sweety... and becareful with this guy.... he's really weird"

Rachel rolled her eyes at her father and hugged him "ok Daddy, don't worry"

Ross and Rachel left the building in silence, avoiding eye contact. None of them wanting to speak first, but dying to know what was going through the other's mind. Ross opened the car door for Rachel and she thanked him with a smile.

On the way to Monica's both stayed silent. Ross was still nervous because of his encouter with Dr Green and Rachel was still trying to recover from the impression of seeing him again. His hair was a bit longer and he seemed to have been working out. He looked hotter than ever.

Ross felt he should be the one taking the first step to break the ice. He could see Rachel was nervous just by the way she held her two hands together and looked through the window.

"Wanna listen to some music? You can turn on the stereo if you want" was the first thing that came into his mind

"Yeah, sure" replied Rachel leaning in to turn on the radio. Once she did 'With or without you' came through the sound system

"I love that song" comented Ross. The truth was that song made him think of her. Everytime he was missing her too much he would start listening to it. Chandler already hated it, just like everything else related to Rachel, he was so tired of that 'imaginary girl', how he used to call her thinking Ross had lost her mind in hallucinations

"It's a good song" replied Rachel, not sure what else could she say. "So... what did you do this year?" she asked after a while, once the song was already over

"Studying like crazy... being in college is not easy... and I moved to the dorms so I have a roommate now"

"Really? That sounds exciting... how's living on your own like? Is it fun?"

"Yeah well... you can say that... there are a lot of parties and stuff. But I'm not a party kind of guy"

"Yeah I know... me neither" replied Rachel. She wasn't very fond of parties. Just because of been who she was at her highschool she had to go to every single party her classmates made, but she never really had fun in any of those places, she always felt an outsider. That was one of the reasons why she loved hanging out with Ross and Monica, she could be herself, for once they made her feel like she belonged.

Both remained silent for a while. Rachel was feeling more relaxed now, the tension was dissapearing little by little, but she was still very nervous. There was something bugging her that she needed to get out of her chest, but didn't know how to ask. So she decided to go straight to the point "So... do you have a girlfriend?"

Ross looked at her impressed, taken back by the directness of her question, but thankful that she'd been the one avording the girlfriend/boyfriend issue. He just didn't know how to ask her. "No... not at all... do you?"

"Well, no... I don't have a girlfriend... I don't like girls" she joked and both laughed, feeling more confortable by the second

"I meant boyfriend" he explained

"That's better... and no... I don't have... actually... I haven't dated anyone the whole year. My friends at home thought I was sick"

"Really?... you haven't dated?... that's great!" replied Ross

"Great?" asked Rachel interested "why is it so great?"

"Well I.... I mean... you... maybe... I was thinking..." rambled Ross

Rachel's smile dissapeared as she moved away her head, rested her back in the car sit and looked the road outside "I was too busy thinking of you to date anyone else"

"What?" asked Ross, so impressed that he almost lost control of the car

"Please don't do that again" she said scared, with her hands on her chest

Ross pulled over the car at one side of the road and looked at her "What did you just said? You've been thinking about me?"

"Yes, that's what I say... is that too bad? I mean... we did have something last year, remember? And it was the best month of my life... so yeah, I've been thinking about you the last ten months"

Ross smiled, he could see she was a little pissed by his reaction and he liked it thinking it was so cute. The way she worried about everything and everyone like it was the most important issue in the world was one of the things he loved so much about her.

"Aren't you gonna say anything?" she asked starting to get nervous "I'm baring my soul here"

Ross smiled again before leaning in and kiss he. He had proved it was the only way to shut Rachel up when she started to get a bit whiny, not that he minded anyway, specially when it had been the one thing he had been wanting to do for 10 months.

They broke the kiss and Rachel got lost in his eyes. She couldn't stop looking at them, so warm, so sweet, so wise and yet so childish, and above all things so filled with love. She wondered if all that love was just for her or just all the love he had in his heart. Wichever was the case, she felt blessed that those loving eyes were looking at her. "Well said" she replied

"I've been thinking about you like crazy. Chandler can be my witness"

"Chandler?" asked Rachel as Ross started the car again after kissing her one more time

"My roommate, I've been telling him about you the whole year. He already thinks I'm crazy and that you are a product of my sick mind"

Rachel laugh "yeah, probably I am"

"That's what I think too... you are just too good to be true" he replied smiling at her

*~*

Rachel and Ross arrived to the Geller's house as Monica waited for them outside in the front porsh, really worried

"Where the hell have you been? What took you guys so long? I called your dad and he said you two had left like an hour ago and it doesn't take more than half hour to get here" said Monica concerned

"We... we got stuck in traffic" lied Ross. They had agreed they would tell Monica everything about them when she got back from camp, that way the 3 of them would have a fun that summer without much worries

"Big huge fat traffic colapse" added Rachel nodding

"Ok.. ok.. I was just worried" Monica looked at Rachel and smiled "I've missed you so much" she said before hugging her friend

"I've missed you too Mon"

Ross didn't want to interrupt that sweet scene, so quietly he went to the car to get Rachel's bag before going inside. He would have her for him the entire summer anyway. This was going to be the best summer ever, he thought smiling

*~*

"So... any guys this year?" asked Monica when the two girls were already in her pjs having a girls talk

"Well... not really"

"How come? You didn't go out with ANYBODY the entire year?"

"Nop" replied Rachel

"Why?" asked Monica surprised. She thought sice Rachel was so beautiful she would date a bunch of guys, she knew she would do it if she had a body like Rachel's

"Because..." replied Rachel with a sigh. She felt so guilty for not being totally honest with Monica about Ross "because there's this guy I really, really like and he's the only one I want to be with"

"Is he like.... your boyfriend or something?"

"No, well... I don't know... all I know is that I want to be with him and anyone else... I've been thinking about him the whole year"

"It seems to me that you are in love" said Monica with a huge grin on her face

"In love? No... I can't be in love... I mean... we don't know each other THAT well and... no it can't be"

"What? Why not? Love is like that Rach. It hits you when you less expect it. And it can be anywhere. Just by the way you are talking about this mysterious guy I can tell you are in love with him" said Monica matter of factly. She was a helpless romantic. She had watched every single chick flick and was always reading romantic novels, just because she longed to fall in love more than anything in the world. So she thought of herself as the master when it came to love issues. And now she was completly sure that her friend was indeed in love, she had all the symptoms.

"Ok... ok... enough about me... what about you?... any guy in mind?" asked Rachel trying to change the subject quickly. She didn't feel to confortable hidding the truth from Monica

"Well... kinda... there's this guy I really like... he's so cute"

"Really? What's his name?"

"Chandler... he's Ross' roommate"

*~*

Ross stood in front of Rachel's door very nervous, not because he'd be seeing her cause after Monica left they'd spent every single day together, but because Rachel had told him her dad wanted to talk to him. He knew Leonard Green didn't like him, he could feel it everytime he picked up the phone when he was calling Rachel or the few times he run into him when he came to pick up or drop Rachel before and after a date. Ross didn't know what Rachel's father wanted to talk to him about and was really nervous. "Relax honey, he probably just want to know you better, that's all" had told him Rachel. But something was telling him it was going to be like that... at all

"Come on in" said Dr Green after opening the door "Rachel's out shopping with her cousin, so it's going to be just the two of us boy"

"Ok sir" aswered Ross dissapointed. He was trusting he'd be seeing Rachel that afternoon, or at least that she'd be there to madiate between him and her father if he decided to kill him

"Can I offer you something to drink?"

"Just water... please" replied Ross. His throat was so dry that it hurted.

Dr Green handed him a glass of water with his eyes fixed on the boy as if he was studying every single one of his movements. "You must be intrigued about what I wanted to talk to you about, right kid?"

"I imagine you want to talk to me about Rachel" answered Ross

"That's right... you're smarter that I thought kid. But going straight to the point.... I'm worried about my daughter"

"You don't need to be sir. I'm really respectful and..."

"That's not what I'm talking about" interrupted Dr Green

"Then... then what is it sir?" asked respectfully Ross, he felt really intimidated by this man

"You... this relationship you two have. I talked to my ex-wife before Rachel arrived and she was really worried about her, she said she'd been acting weirdly the whole year. She doesn't go out with her friends anymore, she spend all of her time locked in her room. She told me all she could talk about was some guy she had met during the summer and how much she wanted to come back here just to see him again. All I want for my daughter is to be happy and have a normal life, and there's nothing normal or healthy for a 16 years old in all this. She needs to spend more time with people her age, not just two months a year. You have to understand kid that I want her to keep on visiting me, and her mother told me that she wasn't gonna allow Rachel to come here anymore if she kept acting weirdly, cause it wasn't good for her, and with the pain in my heart I have to agree with her. I want my daughter to come live with me after she finnish highschool, and if you carry on with this little game of yours I don't see that happening. Beside, nothing can asure me you really care about her. For all I know you could only be fooling around with her, just enjoying her company for two months, not taking her seriously"

"Not sir... not at all... I care about your daughter, I care about her a lot"

"Well, if that's true you'd stop this charade right here, right now!" ordered Dr Green energetic

"What?" asked Ross confused

"Look kid, you seem to be smart and rasonable. If you keep with this Rachel won't come to New York anymore. Is that what you want?"

Ross looked down sad. He couldn't believe this was gonna be it for him and Rachel. It was so unfair "no sir" he replied

"You understand why I am doing this, right kid?"

"Yes sir" replied again Ross without lifting his head from the ground

"Ok then... do you want anything else to drink?" asked Rachel's father as if nothing had happened, as if what he had asked Ross to do was the easiest thing in the world, as if Ross's heart wasn't breaking right there because of the possibility of not seeing Rachel anymore

"No sir, thank you... I... I have to got" said the young guy as both of them heard the apartment door opening and two girls laughing happily entered to the apartment. Dr Green looked at Ross with a smile that was really hard to read for him. Was he laughing at him? Or was he feeling sorry for him? Wichever was the care it pissed him off. If what this man made him feel before this chat was afraid, now he hated him with the same power he once felt intimidated by him.

Rachel entered to her father's study and saw Ross and her dad looking at each other weirdly but she didn't give it much importance. She'd been the whole day shopping and nothing cheered her more that that... well... nothing except maybe spending some time with Ross.

"Hey daddy" greeted Rachel to his father kissing him in the cheek

"Hello princess. How did the shopping go?"

"It went great! We bought almost everything in those stores!" she replied smiling

"Ok, I'm gonna leave you two kids alone now. I believe you have something to talk about" said Dr Green winking at Ross, who was looking at him expressionless.

Once Dr Green was out of the room, Rachel run into Ross' arms and kissed him, not noticing how much time it took him to react. "See? I told you the conversation wasn't gonna be so bad" she said once they broke the kiss.

Ross nodded and smiled weakly at her without looking straight into her eyes

"What happen honey? Is there something wrong?" she asked finally realizing Ross wasn't being his normal self

Ross looked at her and knew he wasn't able to do this now. Not now, they still had 3 more weeks to enjoy together before she had to go back to England and he wanted to make them the best 3 weeks of his life, he wanted to enjoy every single second he had left with her. "Nothing sweety" he replied hugging her by the waist "I was just thinking that we have only 3 weeks left and we better make them count" he added before kissing her passionatly.

*~*

"And he told you what?" asked Chandler amazed as he and his friend were having a cup of coffe at their favourite coffee place waiting for Rachel

"He told me to break up with her, to stop seeing her again"

"The guy is insane... I mean... you're not gonna do that.... right?"

"Actually... what he said does make sense"

"What?! Are you out of your mind? This is RACHEL!! You are like.... IN LOVE with her"

"Shhh" said Ross looking everywhere to see if Rachel was anywhere around. He didn't want her to know he was already in love with her, specially if he had planned to break up with her once the summer was over. It would make it even harder and more complicated than it already was. Once he confirmed the girl wasn't there, he looked down and sighed. "Yeah... I know I love her... and that's why I understand what her father said. She needs to meet somebody else, somebody who can be with her 24/7. I, having a whole ocean between us, am not the right guy for her... at least not now. I just want her to be happy man"

"Yeah well if you want her to be happy then it's ok. Breaking her heart and telling her you don't wanna be with her, that would make her really happy" comented sarcasticly Chandler

"I know it won't. But that would last until she realizes she has to move on and meet somebody else" Ross's eyes filled with pain. It was really hard to explain, almost impossible, how could he love so much someone who didn't even live in the same country he did and had only spent 3 or 4 months of his life with. But the thing was like that, and he couldn't do anything to change it. "I know I have to try to meet somebody else too".

"If you say so dude. But I don't think it's gonna be THAT easy"

"I'm not saying it's going to be easy, but it's the right thing to do now"

*~*

The day of Monica's arrival Rachel's days in New York were almost over. She only had two days to enjoy with her friend and tell her everything she had done that summer. Ross and her had agreed they would tell everything to Monica when she got back and now Rachel was dying to tell her friend how in love with her brother she was. The past two months had been incredible, Ross was the most amazing guy she had ever met and couldn't believe she'd have to wait 10 months to see him again. But this year it would be different, she would call him everyday to talk to him, she felt like she wasn't going to be able to breath is she didn't do so.

"I so want to see her again... she called me the other day and told me she had lost a lot of weight, that she looked at herself in the mirror and was a complete different person" said Rachel to Ross ansious to see her friend

Ross just nodded. He only had 2 days left to break things up with Rachel and every day that went by was even harder and more painful just to think about it. He was sure this was the day.

"So... how do you want us to tell her? who should start?"

"Tell her? what?" Ross had totally forgot they had agreed they would tell Monica

"About us silly... remember we have to tell her we are going out"

"Oh yeah.... about that" Ross looked down, he was really nervous, the guilt was eating him alive, but this was the right thing to do, otherwise he would never see her again. "I don't think we should tell her anything" he finally said

"What?... why?" asked Rachel confused as the smiled dissapeared from her face

"Yeah well... we don't need to tell her because.... because...." he couldn't do it, but he had to, he had to be a man and put himself together, it was for her own good "because you are leaving in two days and she doesn't need to know... you'll be spending all your time with her and we better tell her next year" he finnished. He hadn't been able to do it, it was too much for him

"But honey, Monica is my friend and your sister... and I don't wanna lie to her anymore. And in this two days I have left I want to be with her, but I also want to be with you"

"But maybe I don't want to be with you" he finally said without looking at her

"What?" she asked hurt

"I'm sorry Rachel... but this is too much for me" he said before running away upstairs to his room, not wanting to face Rachel, not wanting to see the pain in her eyes, not wanting her to see the tears in his.

And that was the first time Rachel felt her heart breaking. She didn't understand why Ross had said that, or if he really meant it. All she knew was that something had died inside of her that very same moment, the illusion maybe... but not the love. There had to be an explanation for all this, and she was determinated to find it. She wasn't going to give up on her love so easily, it would take a lot more than a few words to make her stop believing in them. She knew they were meant to be. She knew he was the one and only for her. 

To be continue...  
  
That's it for now.... I have the next chapter done too... so probably I'll be posting it tomorrow or the day after that.... once again THANK YOU VERY MUCH for reading it.... it means a lot to me, and remember TO LEAVE ME ONE OF YOUR REVIEWS... it's the only way I have to know if you're enjoying this or not ;)


	6. Chapter 5 Nowdays

Here's the new chapter (and the last one I posted at FB), I hope you keep enjoying reading this... and once again THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR YOUR REVIEWS ;).... THEY MEAN A LOT TO ME :D.  
  
~~~Overcoming the lonelyness - Chapter 5 (Nowdays)~~~

Rachel arrived her building after a fatigating day of work. She had only been on Ralph Lauren NY for a week but the amount of work she had to do was incredible, basically because in just one week she had to catch up with the next season collection wich everybody had been working on for the past two months. But she couldn't deny she liked it, fashion was her life. Her job fullfilled every single part of her thought from the minute she wake up and until she went back to sleep late at night. It was therapeutic. It helped her not to think, not to remember, or even not to dream. She didn't dream anymore. Her world, once filled with illusions, dreams and hopes for a future like a fairytale, was now covered with a black layer, put it on a little box, and locked somewhere in her soul that she had swore she would never open again

In the week she had been back in New York she had barely seen Monica and Chandler, although Monica called her almost everyday to have lunch together. Rachel always had to turn her down bcause she was too busy and didn't have time to grab a bite. Now that she thought about it, it seemed like she hadn't eat a thing the entire week, she was starving. Luckily she had the next day off, so she would call Monica to help her grocery shopping because she had no idea how to do that or what should she buy, still living with her mother back in England, she never had to worry about things like this, but Monica as good as she was, she knew she'll be happy to help.

Rachel checked her mail box before going upstairs to her apartment. She knew she wouldn't be getting any mail soon, because who would write her there if she had only being living in the States for a week, but she knew soon she'll be reciving catalogs, magazines and a lot of stuff like that, so she should gain the habit sooner or later. She had nothing better to do anyway. Suddenly, a little boy run into her. It seemed like the little guy was running without looking where he was going, so without noticing he smacked his face against Rachel's leg and fell into the floor.

"Hey! Becareful there little boy" said Rachel noticing the little boy, who couldn't be older than 5 years old, sitting in the floor rubbing his head, trying hard not to cry. She kneeled down beside him and looked at his head closely "It's ok honey... you won't even get a bump in there. But if you wanna cry it's ok. I won't tell anybody" she whispered smiling. There was something in that little boy's eyes that felt familiar for her, but she couldn't picture what it was.

The little boy looked down and then back at Rachel "But my uncle says men don't cry. My aunt says he only said that because he's dead inside and can't cry, but I think he's right"

"You do huh? Well... I think everybody has the right to cry. I like men who can cry" she said, still kneeled down beside him.

"My daddy says it's ok to cry"

"See? He seems to be smart. Of course you can cry sweety"

"My daddy is really smart, he knows a lot of things. When I grow up I wanna be like him"

Rachel smiled at the little boy's comment. He reminded her of herself when she was little. She once had wanted to grow to be an important doctor just like her daddy was. How she wished now she still had that power and that inocence to dream like that. "And where are your mommy and daddy?" she asked looking everywhere to see if any grown up showed up to take care of the kid

"My daddy in on our apartment and I don't have a mommy"

Rachel felt her heart squiz when the little boy said he didn't have a mommy. Her first impulse was to hug him and kiss his little forehead. She felt somehow conected to this kid in a strange way. The sad tone on his childish voice made her want to take back her question. "So... you're here on your own?" she tried to go on with the conversation "Aren't you too little to be wondering around a city as big as this one all alone?"

"I wasn't alone. I went to the Nicks game with uncle Joey, but he saw a hot chick outside the building and told me to go upstairs on my own"

"A hot chick?" asked Rachel, amuzed with the words the little boy has used

"Yeah well... you know... uncle Joey likes to date a lot of hot chicks... I'm sure he would like to date you too"

"And I am a hot chick?" asked Rachel holding her laugh

"Yeah... you are" replied the kid matter of factly

"Ok little womanizer... we better get up from the floor before we get a cold" said Rachel standing up and helping the boy to stand up om his feet too. "I can take you to your apartment... I mean, if you want a 'hot chick' help?" she said smiling widely "wich number it?"

"I don't know... but it's on the third floor, the second door"

"Ok then... what's your name by the way?"

"Ben" replied the little boy "yours?"

"Rachel. Nice to meet you Ben, it's good to know that I have a friend on this building"

"Are you new here?"

"Yes, I moved in a week ago"

"Cool"

"So... you live alone with your daddy? No brothers or sisters?"

"No, just the two of us. And you? Do you have a boyfriend?"

Rachel looked at Ben impressed by how smart he was, talking to him was like talking to a little grown up. "No I don't. I live on my own here"

"Cool. Maybe you can date my daddy then. Uncle Joey says he needs to get some, I don't know what he means but he said it was nothing that a good date wouldn't fix" said the kid matter of factly

Rachel couldn't hold it anymore and laugh. He seemed to spend too much time with grown ups she thought. She looked at him smiling and when the kid looked back at her a horrible memorie came through her mind, the blood, the tears, the pain, the guilt and the lonelyness... all those flashes brusted in her mind while she held Ben's hand. Her facial expression changed and he whole body started to soar, reliving the very same moment her life changed, feeling like everything was happening again, feeling once again how the life left her body and her once perfect world caved down to her feet.

"Are you ok? You look sick" Ben's words brough Rachel back to reality. She tried to put herself together and gave the boy a weak smile, cleaning the sweat from her forehead, as the elevators door opened in his floor 

"I'm ok... I just... remembered something, but I'm ok"

"Uhm... ok!" replied the little boy "that one over there is my apartment"

Rachel looked at the door Ben was pointing and another flashback, this time a happier and funnier one, came through her mind 

"You know what? I'm not sure if that was the apartment exactly, but an 'ugly naked guy' used to live in this floor a long time ago" she said remembering all those times she and the rest of her friends stalcked that guy from Monica's window

"I know, it was our apartment. Daddy told me he used to see him all the time from Uncle Chandler and Untie Monica's window" replied nonchalant the kid

Rachel's smile froze "Did... did you just call Monica and Chandler, auntie and uncle?" destiny couldn't be so cruel she thought

"Yes, Auntie Monica is my daddy's sister. Do you know her?"

"Uhm... Ben, what's your last name?" asked Rachel not answering the boy's question, not wanting to believe what was going through her mind.

"Geller" replied him, as he knocked on his apartment door

"Oh my God!" thought Rachel, looking at the door petrified. In any minute Ross would open the door and see her standing in the hallway with his son. She had to get the hell out of there that very same second, she wasn't ready to see him yet. "Ben... it was really nice meeting you, but I gotta go" she hurried to say before running to the elevator, catching it just when its door were closing. Once she was inside she could see Ben's apartment door opening and the little guy going inside, but not Ross. She sighed. Deep down she knew she wanted to see him, but she also knew she wouldn't be able to handle it that well, at least not now. Once the elevator doors opened in her floor she run into her apartment, locked the door behind her and cried... everything was just too hard.

*~*

Ben entered to the apartment still looking back, trying to see where had Rachel went. She had suddenly dissapeared and he really want her to meet his daddy. He liked that lady, she had been really nice and kind with him but she didn't even give him the time to say thank you, cause his daddy had teach him that when somebody was nice with you or do you a favor you had to say 'thank you'. Ben hoped this wasn't the last time he saw her, there was something about that lady's eyes that made him feel really good.

"What are you looking for pal?" asked Ross looking at his son standing in the door way

"A lady... the lady who brought me here... she's gone"

"A lady brought you here? What happened to Joey?"

"He went chasing a hot girl and left me in the lobby. This lady was there and she brought me up here... she was really nice and beautiful"

"Maybe she had something else to do son" replied Ross, not giving much importance to his son lost lady "and now close the door and tell me about the game"

*~*

Monica and Phoebe were sitting on Monica's couch looking through wedding dresses magazines while Chandler was at Joey's, probably watching 'Die hard'.... again. There was a strong knock on the door that made Monica and Phoebe jump from their sits. Both looked at each other weirdly and kind of scared before Monica stood up and aproached to the door. She looked through the peephole and sigh in relieve when she saw Rachel standing in the hallway

"Who is it?" asked Phoebe

"It's Rachel" answered Monica

"Is she always this violent?" asked again Phoebe

Monica opened the door and greeted Rachel with a smile, before noticing how disturbed her friend was "hey hon? What happened? Why are you all shaken?"

"YOU!!" yelled Rachel "Why didn't you tell me!!?"

"What? Why didn't I tell you what?"

"Why didn't you tell me!!?" she asked again

"Ok sweety, try to calm down. Sit here and take a deep breath" said Monica taking a chair for her friend to sit. "Phoebe, can you bring her a glass of water?"

"Yeah, sure" replied Phoebe also very concerned. She had never met Rachel before, but she could see she was a mess. Plus Monica and Chandler had told her the girl's entire story, and she knew her life hadn't been a piece of cake.

"Ok Rachel, first of all drink this" said Monica to Rachel handing her a glass of water "Ok, now take a deep breath and tell me what happened"

Rachel took a deep breath after putting the glass down on the table, looked around the apartment, noticing how little it had changed in 5 years, and sighed. "Why didn't you tell me I was living in the same building Ross was" she finally asked

A guilty look apeared on Monica's face. She knew sooner or later Rachel would found out about that, but she hoped it wouldn't be so soon. "Did you run into him?" she asked

"No... but I met Ben" Rachel's voice cracked. Monica knew that was worst than running into Ross

"I was waiting for the right moment to tell you about it"

"Coming here was a bad idea. I should never had accepted this job"

"Rach... Rachel, look at me.... you need to face your past... you need to face it to finally get some closure"

"This is too much for me Mon... I'm not ready" cried Rachel

"You'll never be ready Rach, this is something you just HAVE to do. And you better do it now that you have the chance"

"I don't know Mon"

"Rach, do you want to live afraid of running into Ross you're whole life? With all your demonds hunting you wherever you go?"

"You're probably right Mon... yeah you are... I have to do this... but I'm not ready to face Ross yet, at least not today. Does he know I'm here?"

"Yes... yes he does.... and he's as scared as you are"

"Girls I... I better go"said Phoebe, not wanting to butt in Rachel's life

"No... no, please stay... I'm the one who run in here and interrupted you girls. I'm sorry" apologized Rachel.

"Ok,shut up you two... you're both staying. You were right on time Rach, we were deciding wich wedding dress would look better on me"

"Actually... she was deciding, I was just nodding and smiling" said Phoebe "I'm Phoebe Buffay by the way. I used to be Monica's roommate until she moved in with Chandler, now I live across the hall with Joey"

Rachel smiled weakly at Phoebe, not because she wasn't pleased to meet her, but because she was emotionally exsausted. "I'm... I'm Rachel... Rachel Green"

"I know... Monica is talking about you the whole time... ever since we first met!" added Phoebe smiling at Rachel. "Is great to finally meet you Rachel Green"

"Thanks" replied shyly Rachel

"Ok... ok... stop the talking, we are running out of time here!"

"Mon, your wedding is in 12 months" said Rachel

"Try to make her understand that" commented Phoebe "she's been working on this wedding since Chandler proposed... I feel a new found respect for him"

"I know... I know... but I want to make sure I have the PERFECT dress... and those can't be found that easily"

"I'm glad you're here Rachel" said Phoebe "cause I won't be able to take 12 more months of her like this all by myself... I would probably kill her in a month or two"

Rachel smiled, feeling more relaxed and confortable. With the girls she had totally forgotten about Ross. It had been a long time since the last time she felt she fitted somewhere and she missed that feeling. She thought adapting to Monica's friends would be hard, specially for her, who wasn't really good making new friends or meeting people in general. She had became a loner and deep down her soul she was scared of the person she had come to be. She was thankful of Phoebe's kindness, for giving her so fast and easily an oportunity without asking for more.

"You know what?" said Rachel standing from the couch and taking the magazines from Monica's hands "I'm dying for a Latte from Central Perk, so why don't we put this on hold and we go to get something"

"I'd LOVE that" replied Phoebe

"But... but" protested Monica

"No buts!... you wanted to cheer me up, and nothing would do it better than a cup of coffee. Or do you want me to sit in here, looking through dresses I'm never gonna wear?"

"But Rach..."

"MONICA!! NOW!!" comanded Rachel, feeling like the strong one for the first time in her life. Bossing Monica around was fun, she should do it more ofter she thought, as Monica stood up from the couch and followed her and Phoebe to the coffee place without saying a word.

"I like you Rach" said Phoebe smiling, giving Rachel a hug "I like you A LOT"

*~*

The girls arrived to the Central Perk 5 minutes after leaving Monica's apartmet. The minute Rachel took a step inside, the coffee smell gave her finally the feeling of being home. It made her feel like nothing had happened, like this past five years had only being a bad dream, she was still 20 and deeply in love with Ross, making plans for the future and having a good time, living each days as it came, enjoying and cherishing everyone of their kisses and all the times they made love. Rachel remembered the feeling of been in Ross's arms, making love all night long, his kisses all over her body and the way he always held her close so gentle and caring. Ross had been her first time, and probably the only ones she had enjoyed. Being in the Central Perk again made her remember how it feels like to love and being loved.

"Are you ok sweety?" asked Monica, noticing the expresion on her friend's face. All the sudden the smile on Rachel's face had dissapeared and had been replaced by a pained look in her eyes, like if she was about to cry. "If you want we can go" offered Monica, imagining how emotionally hard for her friend must be just standing in there.

"No" replied Rachel "you told me I needed to face my past... well... let's start here". She walked toward the one that had been their spot and sat on the arm chair where she used to sit on Ross' lap everytime they were hanging out there "I always loved this couch" she said closing her eyes, trying to remember the last time she had been there. Everything was kind of blurry and Monica's words interrupted her thoughts

"Rachel, Gunther is asking you what do you want?"

Rachel snipped back to reality and looked at her right side where the blond man was looking at her with a wierd smile. "Hey Gunther!" she saluted politely "I want a Latte with no sugar, please"

"Yes Rachel" replied the platin haired weirdo still smiling

"That must have been the first time I see Gunther smiling.... disturbing" said Phoebe

"He had a crush on Rachel" whispered Monica, remembering the recurent joke they used to have 5 years ago.

"Are you still on that?" asked Rachel smiling amuzed "I remember Ross got so pissed everytime you guys said that" she added still smiling as she remembered Ross's jealous outbrusts.

Monica studied her friend's face before talking, she didn't want to bring her down again "yeah, he was weird and jealous like that..." she said

"Ross was jealous?" asked Phoebe interested

"Oh yeah, but not in an annoying kind of way" replied Rachel, catching Monica's 'are you kidding me?' look "ok, it could get annoying some times, but most of the time it was cute"

"Wow... I can't picture Ross been jealous" said Phoebe

Rachel looked at Phoebe weirdly "why not?"

"Because he always let Carol do whatever she wanted. That's why she cheated on him and left him. He didn't care enough" replied Phoebe taking a sip from her ice tea.

Monica looked at Phoebe mad. She had warned her she should not talk to Rachel about Carol, that was the 'forbidden topic', as Phoebe herself had called it. Now she didn't want to turn around to face Rachel.

"Well... Carol was always stupid" Monica heard Rachel saying. She turned her head and gave her friend a sympathetic smile. "Can we change the topic? I think I've had enough of the Ross issue for one day. Think about something else we can talk about while I go to the ladies room" added Rachel standing up from her sit before heading to the back of the coffee place. 

"I told you she was in here daddy" Monica heard a little boy's voice saying from behind the couch. "Hey Auntie Monica" her nephew greeted her smiling

Monica looked at Phoebe nervous, what were they going to do when Rachel came back from the ladies room and saw Ross standing in there?. "Hey... hey honey!"

"Hey Bennyboy" said Phoebe

"Hey Phoebs!!" said the kid

Ross sitted on his favourite couch and smiled at his son interacting with his sister and his friend. "What were you doing girls?"

"Just... hanging... out" replied Phoebe with a nervous smile 

"And you? Isn't a bit too late for Ben to be up?" asked Monica

"Late? Mon... is 7 pm... his bed time is at 9... He wanted to see you... to see if you had any more of those cookies you gave him this morning"

Monica looked at her nephew, who was smiling at her mischievously "I... I got upstairs... why don't we go to get them... right now?"

"Well... I wanted to have a coffee first" said Ross

"You can have your coffee later... let's go to see those cookies before Joey finds them"

"Didn't you have like a secret place to hide stuff like that from Joey?" asked Ross

"Yeah... but you know Joey... he's not as dumb as he seems... Ross, I think we really have to go NOW" she insisted

"Why?" asked Ross confused.

"RACHEL!!!" yelled Ben when he turned around and saw the nice lady who had brough him home that afternoon "Daddy, she's the lady I was telling you about!!"

To be continued...  
  
  
oK....that's it for now.... the next chapter has been a real pain... I've written it like 100 times... but don't worry, it won't take me a lot of time to post it ;)... just remember to KEEP REVIEWING ;).

ROSS & RACHEL FOREVER (God I miss the show... great thing they are showing a new episode in a couple of days :D)


	7. Chapter 6 8 years ago

New chapter's here... this is longer than the usual... but I know a lot of people (specially the ones who had been following this story at FB) has waited for this one a long time... so enjoy it and remember to leave me a review ;)  
  
  
  
~~~Overcoming the lonelyness - Chapter 6 (8 years ago)~~~  
  
Monica stood by Rachel's father side at the airport as she waited for her friend's arrival. Since they'd barely seen each other the previous year Monica had decided to enjoy every single moment she could with her friend, so she had begged her parents to let her go the airport to wait for her, they had told her the only way she could go was if Ross went with her. For some weird reason beyond Monica's understanding, her brother hadn't wanted to go, but still drove her to the airport to make their parents believe he was going with her. Monica knew her brother had a girlfriend now, and she couldn't spect him to react the way he used to do a year ago when it came to spend some time with Rachel. He always gave her the impression that he had feelings for her friend, but now that he was with Carol he barely named Rachel's, in fact, she didn't remember him talking about her the whole year.  
  
"Your brother isn't coming, right Monica?" asked all of the sudden Dr Green. There was something very intimidating about that man thought Monica.  
"No sir... why would he?" she asked, unaware of her brother and her friend history  
"Yeah... why would he... I'm happy to know that they stoped that sillyness... like they could fall in love in two months"  
"Fall in love?" asked Monica confused "Ross and Rachel?"  
"Well... at least that was what he told me... I still believe it was only a summer fling, but I prefer my daughter to focus on living a normal life, and that kid wasn't doing any good to her" he replied firmly.  
In love? Ross and Rachel? Kept asking Monica in her head. Now everything was falling into the right place, the look on Ross' face when she named Rachel, the sadness in her friend's voice everytime she asked her about him, everything made sense now... specially since Rachel's father had forced them to break up. She hadn't told her friend Ross had a girlfriend, basically because she had forgotten, now that she thought about it, it was a good thing she didn't... it would have killed Rachel if she had told her over the phone... at lease now she'd have her shoulder to cry on. But why didn't they tell her anything? There had to be something else there? Rachel would have to answer a lot of questions that evening.  
  
"Hey daddy!!" greeted Rachel with a huge grin on her face  
"Hello princess" greeted back Leonard Green "Look who's here with me"  
"Hey Rach!" said softly Monica, still processing all the information she had jus gotten  
"I'm so happy you're here!!" replied Rachel hugging her friend "Is Ross comming too?" she asked smiling  
"No sweety" hurried to say Dr Green "he's out with her girlfriend, right Monica?"  
"Girl... girlfriend?"   
Monica nodded "Yes sir" she replied...  
"Since... since when does Ross has a girlfriend?" asked Rachel, fighting her tears  
"Since two months" answered Monica  
"Ok... we can carry on this conversation at home... we better get going"  
Monica shoot Dr Green a look he didn't saw, wondering how could he be so cruel? Didn't he see that Rachel was broken? The news had been too much for her and he didn't even care. She always thought the relationship between Rachel and her father was desirable, but now she wasn't so sure anymore, how could he be so selfish?. Monica hugged her friend after they started walking outside the airport, she could feel how her friend was crying inside.  
  
Rachel still held the hope that everything had been just a bad dream, a misunderstanding that would be fixed once she got back. Ross didn't call her the whole year, but that was ok, the year after that he didn't call her either and they ended up spending a wonderful summer together. The past 10 months she had thought why wouldn't he wanted to be with her, and the only expalanition she found was because he was scared of the 10 moths they would spent apart. She knew he loved her, she could feel it everytime he looked at her and everytime he kissed her, he didn't need to tell her a thing, she knew it because she felt it too.  
But all her hopes had crushed down now that she knew Ross had a girlfriend. She started questioning everything she was so sure about and her world trumble. She'd only loved one guy, she'd only kissed one guy and that guy had now another girlfriend... this was much more than she can handle.  
  
*~*  
  
"Why didn't you tell me my brother and you were dating?" was the first thing Monica asked once Rachel and her were left alone in her friend's bedroom  
"What?" asked Rachel surprised  
"You and my brother. Why didn't you tell me? I thought we could trust each other with everything"  
"Monica, I really don't know what you're talking about" lied Rachel. The truth was, she didn't feel capable of talking about Ross in that very same moment.  
"Rachel, stop lying to me! Your father told me while we were waiting for you, and I saw the expression on your face when he said Ross had a girlf..."  
"I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT, OK?" yelled Rachel "I'm... I'm sorry... I'm just tired... the fly and everything... I... am sorry"  
"It's ok Rach... I am the one who should be sorry... you're hurt... i can see it in your eyes... i shouldn't had brought it up all of the sudden... it's just that... well... you and my brother... that's huge. But if you don't want to talk about it that's ok too" said Monica, realizing Rachel needed a friend more than a lecture.  
Rachel looked down, avoiding Monica's gaze. She needed to get it out, for a whole year she had been holding it all inside and she felt she couldn't do it anymore. "He said he didn't want to be with me" she finally spoke, her voice cracking as the tears left her eyes and rolled down her cheeks.  
"What? Why? Did he give you any kind of explanation?" asked Monica sitting at her friend's side  
Rachel's eyes were fixed on the floor as she played with her hands like she normally did when she was nervous. Explanation? He didn't care enough to give her an explanation, she thought. The last 10 months she had been waiting for Ross' call to tell her he was sorry, to tell her he had been thinking about her all the time like she had been thinking about him, that he loved her, and no other girl could ever replace her, but nothing. Every single night she had drifted to sleep reasuring herself that tomorrow was gonna be the day, but the day never came. Explanation? Now she knew there was just one. For him, she had been just a game.   
"No" she answered softly, as she felt how the anger and the pain filled her "he didn't care and I don't care either" she added strongly, wiping the tears from her eyes and standing up "Now can we please talk about something else?"  
"But Rach..."  
"No 'buts' Monica... I'm really ok now... I... I don't need him. Beside, it wasn't like I was in love with him or anything. He was just a summer fling" lied Rachel, trying to convince her friend and also herself  
  
*~*  
  
"How is she?" was the first thing Ross asked her sister when he picked her up from Rachel's, as he looked at the building, trying to look into Rachel's father apartment, like if from where he was standing he could get a look of the 9th floor, longing to see her more than anything in the world.  
"She's... tired" replied Monica without looking straight at him. She was too disapointed of her brother, she knew she'd end up screaming at him and it wasn't the right place to do that.  
"I can imagine..." he replied, giving up in his attempt of looking at Rachel's place and noticing the weird look on Monica's face as she got into the car. "What?"  
"You can imagine huh?..." she asked as he got into the car too, avoiding his eyes  
"Yeah well... it is a long trip, she must be exhausted" he replied without understanding the tone in his sister's voice  
"Yeah?... really? Can you also imagine how hurt she is? Or how betrayed she feels?... CAN YOU EVEN START IMAGINATING?!!" she finally screamed, leting go all her frustration and anger  
"Wha... what?"  
"Rachel told me..." Monica's voice was harsh and distant  
"She did..." asked Ross, not knowing what else should he say. He still felt dissapointed and disgusted with himself for what he did to Rachel, but a whole year had passed by and it was too late to take away the words already spoken.  
"How could you?" asked Monica, Ross could fell her anger and disapointing towards him. He could feel it cause he was feeling exactly the same "You played with her, broke her heart and now you're sitting there like nothing happened, asking me how is she? My God... I don't know my own brother. I never thought you were like this"  
"I didn't play with her!" replied Ross hurt  
"You didn't huh? Then what the hell happened?"  
"I... I... I don't want to talk about it, ok? Now i have to drive you home cause later tonight I have a date with Carol"  
"Don't even mention her"  
"Hey... this whole thing has nothing to do with her, ok?"  
"I know it's all YOUR fault... but still... you know what... I don't even wanna talk to you anymore"  
"Why don't you stop butting in mine and Rachel's issues... this is not your problem" said Ross, starting to get pissed too  
"You know why I butt in? Cause she's my friend... and there's a chance she won't come back here next year just because of you, jackass. If I lose my best friend because of you I'll never forgive you... so as you can see this IS MY GOD DAMN BUSSINESS!" yelled her, finally crying, feeling betrayed by her brother.  
"Mon... Mon... I swear that wasn't my intention... I didn't want to hurt her... I would never do that in propose" said Ross, trying to calm his sister, resting his head in the wheel, he didn't want her to see the tears filling his eyes. "I still have feelings for her ok... but now I really, really don't want to talk or even think about it, alright?. At least not tonight"   
Ross started the car without giving Monica another look, driving away from Rachel's father's building, trying to scape what he was feeling that very same moment: regret, guilt, pain, sorrow and emptyness.  
  
*~*  
  
Ross looked at the sky feeling like the smallest being in the Universe. The inmensisity of the sky amazed him. The sparks from the stars gave him the willing to go on, and the early July breeze encourage him to do what he was about to do. He couldn't keep lying to himself, but above all things he couldn't keep lying to her, she didn't deserve it.  
He stood in front of her building and sighed. He needed to talk to her now, to solve this whole mess once and for all, cause he didn't want to live his life with the thought of something that could have been but it wasn't just because he was to affraid to even try it, too affraid to stand up for what he really wanted, too coward to actually reach for his dreams.  
  
*~*  
  
Rachel sat on her father's balcony looking at the park like she had done the past two weeks. Monica called her everyday to invite her to do something different, but she always turned her down. Her mood wasn't for anything excepet sitting there watching other people enjoying their free time, specially during a beautiful night like this one. She liked to watch the couples who walked down the park holding hands, just looking at the stars above them. Sharing kisses and moments that were only theirs under the moonlight. She couldn't stop thinking about Ross and all those dates that ended up down there, like that young couple she had been watching for a while. They were lying on the ground kissing, not noticing the look on everybody's faces as they walked by them. A bittersweet smile appeared on Rachel's face, a year ago that couple had been her and Ross, they could keep kissing for hours, cause everytime they did the time stood still, it never got boaring, it only got better.   
Being in England knowing that Ross didn't want to be with her had been hard, but she still could pretend it wasn't true, that Ross would be waiting for her when she came down the plane like he promised last year, and they would resume their love put in hold the previews summer. But being here and having to face reality was worst than she thought. It hurted her like nothing she had felt before. Her heart, her body, her head and her sould were aching, longing to see Ross again, to be kissed by him and to be held so close like only he could. But also feling the need to hate him for leaving her alone in that place, for trading her so easily, for broken his promises and simply for not being that couple in the park once again.  
  
"Niña Rachel" Rosa, her father's maid and her nanny when she was a child, interrupted her thoughts "your friend is here to see you"  
Rachel didn't even turn aroud, she didn't want to be bother, she wanted to be left alone with her thoughts and her self-pity. But she had treated Monica awfully this past two weeks, nothing of this was her fault yet Rachel had walked away from her too. "Tell her to come in" she said resuming her study of the kissing couple from the park.  
"Yes niña" replied Rosa flashing a sympathetic smile to the girl she once held in her harms and now had become a woman.  
Rachel felt how the door to his father's room closed behind Rosita and a couple of minutes later opened once again. She kept looking at the park while she heard someone coming into the balcony and standing behind the chair she was siting. She turned around to greet Monica, but instead of her she saw Ross, standing there, just looking at her.  
  
"Hey Rach" he said, lost for words, amazed by her beauty that seemed to be incresed by the moon light  
"What are you doing here?" asked Rachel coldly "I thought it was Monica, if I knew it was you I wouldn't had let you come in"  
"I know I deserve that... but we need to talk" he answered, approaching to her as she took a few steps back.  
"I think you made things pretty clear the last time we talked" Rachel turned around, she didn't want him to see the tears forming in her eyes.  
"Rach... let me explain..."  
"No!" she cut him off "It's too late now Ross... I don't want to hear any explanation. I don't need it. I understand what happened. I was a game, a summer fling, you got boared of me and that's ok. Now could you please leave me alone?"  
"What?! A game?! No Rachel... never... you know I'm like that" he answered, hurt by Rachel words.  
"I don't know anything about you anymore... I thought I did... but clearly I didn't"  
Ross sighed, he wouldn't give up so easily "What I said... I didn't mean it"  
Rachel let go a sarcastic laugh "Great explanation!" she said, still not facing him, still looking at that couple that had everything she once had  
"I know it's lame but it's true... I was...I was... scared. I was a coward. It was easier to run away from what I was feeling than to face it"  
"Then why the hell did you say it?" she asked, finally turning around, but without looking at him into the eyes. "Why didn't you call me the whole year? Why didn't you go to pick me up from the airport like you promised?" she was defenetly crying now. "And why do you have a girlfriend?" she added softly between snobs.  
Ross felt his heart squeezing. Seeing Rachel crying because of him made him hate and feel disgusted with himself. "I'm... I'm sorry... I made a horrible mistake and I'm sorry... I just can't live knowing that I let you go because of fear"  
Rachel sat on her chair again and looked away, tears were still falling down her cheeks. She saw the couple from the park standing up and walking away, leaving the park and finally disapearing from her gaze. She looked up at Ross and asked softly: "what about your girlfriend?"  
"She's a good girl, and she cares about me a lot" he replied, kneeling in front of her "I just needed to prove myself I was over you, I though that way I could stop thinking about you. As you can see... it didn't work" he added with a small laugh "Rach... not a day has passed by that I haven't regreted saying what I said, blaming myself for being such a coward, for not being a man and standing up for us" he lowed his head, feeling Rachel's eyes fixed on him. After being silent for a while he lift his head and looked at Rachel straight into her eyes for the first time in the whole night "I love you. I know it's hard to believe and to understand since we've been together just for two summers, we've been apart more than we've been together. But I can't help ot. You're in my heart, in my soul... in everyone of my dreams, and I don't wanna be with anyone else. I'm tired of lying to myself, you or anyone else, denying feelings I can't hide just because I'm too affraid to face them" Ross looked down and then up again, looking one more time for her eyes "I'm not asking you for a second chance, I just want your forgiveness"  
Rachel was speechless, she knew Ross was talking from his heart. "Why... Why did you tell me you didn't want to be with me then?" she asked softly, lost in his eyes, trying hard not to cave into the temptation of kissing him, at least not until she had understood everything.  
Ross sighed and once again looked down, Rachel could tell he was nervous "Well... I told you... I was scared"  
"Scared of what?"  
"Everything was happening so fast... and then... and then your dad..."  
"My... my daddy?" what does he have to do in all this?"  
"Let's just say he's not very fond of me" he said smiling weakly, not wanting to break Rachel's idealized image of her father "the day we talked he remarked a few points about our relationship... and at the moment I thought he was right... I guess... probably because I still think you're too good for me" he didn't want her to notice how vulnerable he felt, he had emptyed his soul in front of her, not liking the feeling of not being the strongest one.  
She made him lift his head and look into his eyes "See what happens when you let your fears guide you. Sometimes you just have to let your heart take the lead" she said placing one of her hands on his chest "Promise me you're gonna let your heart lead when it comes to us" she added smiling  
"So... there's gonna be an us again?" he asked smiling, his eyes sparkling with happyness  
"Then only thing you need to know is that I don't like broken promises... I've had enough of those for a lifetime"  
"Done" he said smiling widely as he helped her to stand up from the chair  
"And no lies" she added  
"Not a single one ever again"  
"And no other girlfriends... wich it means you'll have to break up with... what's her name?"  
"Carol"  
"Argh... I don't like that name"  
"Don't worry about her Rach" said Ross, trying to contain the laughter after that little jealousy outbrust "I'm breaking up with her as soon as I get out of here"  
"Ok... ok... you better... And one last thing" she pressed her head against his chest while he wrapped his amrs around her. Being on his arms felt so good, specially when it was the one thing she had missed for the last 10 months "You have to promise me you'll call me everyday when I get back to England, and you'll go to say goodbye to me and then to pick me up next year"  
"Promised" he said smiling back  
Both remained locked on a sweet hug and on a deeply look. Both lost in each other, enjoying just being there, glad that the whole mess was already fixed and wishing they'd never have to go through something like that again. Little did they know.  
"Are you planing on kissing me like... ever?" she finally asked  
He smiled and nodded, leaning in, leaving all his fears behind. The moment his lips touched hers he forgot about Carol, England, Rachel's father and the horrible 10 months he had lived without her. Both felt like nothing could go wrong now and willing to take whatever that was on their way, facing it all together.  
  
*~*  
  
"Are you going out princess?" Dr. Green asked Rachel, who was running from her room to the bathroom every 5 minutes.  
"Ye... yes daddy" replied her from her bedroom door.  
"That's great!" he exclamed happily "I told you you were goin to get over that kid quickly"  
"Mmmm..." Rachel didn't know if she should tell her father she was going out with that kid.  
"And who are you going out with darling?"  
"Mo... Monica" she lied. She hated lying, but this time there wasn't another choice. It was her first official date with Ross since they got back together and all she wanted was this night to be perfect, explaining everything to her father would mean a lecture wich she didn't have time for, specially since she still hadn't picked her outfit for the date.  
"And where are you going?"  
"I... I don't... I don't know" she replied re-entering her room one more time  
"You two can come back here if you want... I'm not going to be home, I have to stay overnight at the hospital"  
"Ok... I'll tell her"  
"I can call her parents if you want"  
"No-no-no-no-no" she cut him off running from her room with another t-shirt "daddy... seriously… you know her parents don't have problems with that... even if we call them later... beside, we still don't know what are we gonna do"  
"Ok princess... have fun then... and don't fall asleep too late, ok?"  
"I won't"  
"Do you need me to drive you somewhere?" he offered  
"No thank you... we'll... we'll be meeting here in half hour"  
"Ok... say hello to your friend for me, alright sweetheart?"  
"Of course daddy"  
"Bye bye"  
  
Leonard Green kissed her daughter goodbye and left the building. He felt kind of worried for his baby who was growing up so fast. He knew if it wasn't that Ross guy it was going to be someone else, but he was determinated in not letting any guy even come close to his daughter. He had seen it, working in a public hospital for so many years he had seen all those young women ruining their life because of irresponsable boyfriend, having babies when they could barely take care of themselves, girls even younger that Rachel living a life without future, left alones in a world where it wasn't very likely to survive when you're 15 and have a baby. He wasn't gonna allow his daughter to go through all that, not if he could do something about it.  
  
*~*  
  
The rest of the summer went by almost the same way the last one for Ross and Rachel, kisses, laughter, dates, shared dreams, everything under Leonard Green nose... Ross didn't want Rachel to tell him they were back together, and Rachel didn't want to have a fight with her daddy. The days went by hanging out at Ross and Chandler's place with Monica, her boyfriend, Chandler and his girlfriend, or at the coffee house where the coffee wasn't much but the talk was huge. This summer remained in Rachel's head like one of the best summers of her life... absolutely better than the last one cause now she had Monica to hang out and didn't have to feel embarassed of being so in love with Ross cause she knew he was feeling the same.  
The month and a half went by almost as a blink, everyday being better than the last one, archiving new levels of entertainment and new horizonts of love.  
  
"Ok... I have a question to ask you" said Monica one night she was staying at Rachel's place, her last night in the city  
"Of course, you can ask whatever you want"  
"Ok... ok... but first of all... if the answer is yes then please... no details... ok.... here I go" rambled nervously Monica  
"Come on Mon... you can ask me"  
"Ok... I'm gonna do it... yes... I'm gonna do it... here I go.... have you and my brother... you know... have.... you know.... sex... already?"  
"Not yet" answered quickly Rachel, also feeling kind of nervous about the subject "I know he's the one I wanna do it with... but I don't know if I'm ready yet... Have you and Bryan?"  
"Well… kinda... actually... not yet... but I don't know"  
"I think you have to do it with a guy you feel something for... you'll know when the time is right, and when the guy is right"  
"This whole thing with you and my brother is so romantic... I wish I could fall like that"  
"But you can... what about Chandler?"  
"What about him?"  
"You had a crush on him, remember? He may be the one"  
"Nah... Chandler is just... you know... Chandler... my friend... he's sweet and all... but I don't think he's the one, beside... he has a girlfriend... annoying as she is, but he seems to like her... and I have a boyfriend too"  
"Come on, Chandler's girlfriend is not annoying, you are just jealous" said Rachel tissing her friend  
"I'm not jealous, beside... I have Brian. And Kathy is annoying, specially if you compare her with Carol, she's a real sweetheart"  
Rachel's expression change as she gave Monica a killer look. The Carol issue had been hunting her the whole summer. Most of the time she didn't think about it, but as soon as something remind her of that other girl her whole mood change.  
"I'm sorry" said Monica, noticing Rachel's look "I was joking Rach... I didn't mean to..."  
"Right"  
"What?... come on... you know my geek brother loves you, you just said it"  
"Yeah i know" said softly Rachel as she looked down "but I can't help it... I'm gonna be away for 10 months... and she's gonna be here... and... and probably Ross will feel lonely... and..."  
"Don't even think about it... he wouldn't do that to you"  
"You think?"  
"I know"  
"Thanks Mon" said Rachel hugging her friend, still scared for the forthcoming 10 months  
  
*~*  
  
Rachel looked around. Monica, Chandler and her father were at the airport, as well as a thousand other people, but Ross was nowhere to be seen. She kept telling herself he was gonna show up, he had promised, he had swore.  
  
"He's gonna come" Monica whispered to Rachel as she reisurely hold her hand "he told me this morning, he just didn't want to get here at the same time your father did... you know"  
"Yeah I know... I just want to see him, you know. We're gonna be apart for 10 months"  
"I know sweety"  
"What are you girls whispering?" asked Chandler  
"Have you talked to Ross?" asked back Monica  
"Yeah... he's on his way here Rach, don't worry... he probably went to pick a bone or something like that" Rachel and Monica gave him a weird look "You know... so you can have something to remember him by" both kept looking at him weirdly "you girls wouldn't know a good joke even if it hits you in the face"  
  
Rachel kept looking around while her father went to get some sodas for the kids, as he called them, and some coffee for him. Leonard Green always liked to arrive one hour later, so he would have more time to say goodbye to his baby.   
  
She had to be on the plane in 25 minutes and Ross still didn't show up. 20 mintues. 15 minutes. 10 minutes. Rachel saw her father coming back but still no signals of Ross. She felt how the tears started to gather in her eyes as time went by.  
Rachel looked at her watch once again. 5 minutes. "I need to sit" she said  
Monica and Chandler exchanged worried looks, none of them knew what was happening or where the hell Ross was. "Relax hon, he's gonna be here soon" said Monica "he better be" she added in her head.  
  
"I think you better get going Princess" said Rachel's father  
Rachel looked around one more time and sighed. Ross wasn't anywhere. She walked to Chandler and hugged him, feeling how her heart was starting to ache... Ross had failed her, she couldn't believe it.   
Then she walked to Monica and hugged her deeply, she felt a knot forming in her throat as she let one single tear scape from her eyes "it's gonna be ok sweety, I'm gonna kick his damn ass" her friend whispered.   
Finally, she hugged and kissed her father before taking to her purse and walking to the gate. She once again looked around but no one looked remotely like Ross. She smiled weakly to her father and then waved to her friends before start walking away.  
  
Before she turned around to the boarding area she looked back one more time. But it was helpless. She lowed her head as tears came down her cheeks, he hadn't came. She walked through the boarding area with her head fixed on the floor, she didn't have to go to the plane right away, so she sitted on a chair as she played with her hands.   
A minute later she felt how a person sat next to her but she didn't give it much importance, when the person placed a red rose in her hands she lift her head and saw Ross sitted next to her, smiling. Without saying a word she throw herself to his arms before placing a kiss on his lips  
  
"I thought you weren't comming" she said when they broke the kiss  
"I just didn't want to get in trouble with your dad... I'm sorry for not telling you"  
"It's ok..." she said before sighing "I was so... so... dissapointed"  
"I'm sorry sweety"  
"But you're here now... and we still have 20 minutes before the plane take off"  
"I know..."  
"How did you get in here anyway?" she asked him as he still held her close  
"Well... I'm not telling you that... this was a surpised I had planned for a while"  
"You never stop amazing me"  
"That's the idea"  
"I love you"  
"I love you too" she replied before kissing him one more time.   
  
_To be continue..._

_That's if for this chapter... pretty sweet... isn't it? actually this one was just a filler... a few things you needed to know for future chapters... nothing else... but still... please REVIEW... you know how much I love knowing what you think_  



	8. Chapter 7 Nowdays

Hello people!!! yes... I haven't forgotten about this fic... I know it's been a really long time since the last time I updated, but school, and writter's block haven't been my friends... anyway... here it is the new chapter (finally) and i think i'll post the one after this pretty soon too (I have the next 2 chapters written already, I just need to type them)...  
  
So now before we start maybe you wanna give the fic another look... it's been a really really long time and I'm sorry for that... it won't happen again

I guess there's no need to say this characters don't belong to me, right?  
  
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"Ross, I think we need to go… NOW!!" insisted Monica

"Why?" Ross asked confused

"RACHEL!!" yelled Ben when he turned around and saw the nice lady who brought him home that afternoon. "Daddy, she's the lady I was telling you about!!"

Overcoming the lonelyness - Chapter 7 (Nowdays)

"He... hello Ross" Rachel's words broke the uncomfortable silence that lasted more than anyone could bare. Monica sighed in relief that Rachel didn't pass out of the impression, but with her eyes fixed on her brother. She had never seen him so pale, like he had just seen a ghost.

"We gotta get out of here Ben" said Ross standing up quickly and grabbing his son's hand without raising his eyes to face Rachel, feeling how his heart beat so fast it hurt

"Ross... wait..." said Monica, also standing up. "Aren't you at least saying hello to Rachel? She just greeted you!" she added. Monica wanted her brother and Rachel to sit down and talk about everything that had happened 5 years ago. She knew if Rachel explained everything to him he would understand, and at least they could be in the same room together. She wanted them to be friends, to be happy, to finally be able to move on.

"It's ok Monica... I... I should be the one leaving. Coming here was not a good idea"

"No Rach, wait..." said Monica

"Let her leave" said bitterly Ross "she's good at that"

Rachel looked down and felt her eyes filling with tears. All the emotions she'd been fighting with since she saw Ross a few seconds before Ben saw her were now beating her. She knew if she started crying now she wouldn't stop. Ross hated her. She didn't blame him though, she hated herself too.

"Would you please stop?!... we are in a public place for God's sake" Monica was starting to get pissed. She knew her brother was hurt and angry at Rachel, but knowing the whole story and haven been the only one who stood by Rachel's side that horrible evening their lifes changed, she couldn't help but being on Rachel's side. It was hard for her to remember he didn't know what happened and not getting angry at him, especially not now that Rachel seemed so fragile and broken. Meeting Ben and running into Ross the same day was more than what Rachel could take. "The ones leaving should be Phoebe, Ben and I... you two have a lot of talking to do..." she added as she took Ben's other hand. The kid was stoned by the fact that his daddy seemed to know the nice hallway lady.

"I... I can't" muttered Rachel, looking at the ground, feeling everybody's eyes on her. Everybody's but Ross's. She was scared of what he could say; she wasn't ready for this yet. All she wanted to do was catch the first fly to London and leave everything behind, just like the first time.

Ben let go of Monica and Ross's hands and stood in front of Rachel, looking at her for a moment, amazed. "So, you are Rachel? Aunt Rachel?... cool!!... I thought you were like Santa or something!"

Rachel looked at the little boy weirdly, not understanding a single word "Santa? What? Huh?" she muttered, somehow relieved that the attention wasn't on her and Ross anymore.

"Yeah... you know... unreal... another excuse for my aunt Monica to give me presents at Christmas and my birthday" he replied before hugging her by the legs "thank you". Through Monica, Rachel had made Ben get presents every year. Monica never understood why, not even Rachel did, but she felt like it was something she had to do, something she wanted to do. Somehow she saw in Ben something she had lost, she had felt it that day he was born and she got to see him for a few minutes, and now that she had finally met him the connection she imaginated was really there, it was real, it was inexplicable, and it made her feel really good. Not even the fact that he was other woman's son bother her, she only knew this kid was special.

Rachel felt her heart skipped a bit, she felt really close to Ross's son, she felt him like her own. "I'm... I'm glad you liked them" was all she could say as she kept fighting the tears forming in her eyes.

"Like them? Are you kidding? The robot you sent me on my birthday was the best!! I play with it everyday" he answered matter of factly

Rachel kneeled down, look at the boy sweetly and just seeing the happiness in his eyes she smiled. 'Twice in a day' she thought 'he's really Ross's son'. "Now... what's with that thing about Santa not being real? Who told you that?" she asked, trying to sound serious

"Oh oh... you didn't know?" said very concerned Ben covering his mouth with his two hands. "I'm sorry, I thought you knew!! Joey didn't know either and I made him cry" he explained looking really guilty "I saw it on a documentary a while ago"

Rachel, who a minute ago had been fighting tears, was now fighting laughter "You don't have to believe everything they say on TV" she said

"My daddy always tells me the same thing" he said pointing to Ross, who was looking at his son and Rachel's conversation in a daze, forgetting all the anger and the pain. Ever since Carol left him, Ben hadn't gotten along with any of the girls he had dated, well, not that he had dated a lot, it had only been a year and he was slowly getting back on his feet, but Ben seemed to disagree with every single girl he picked, but with Rachel he had just clicked, like they've known each other since forever. 'Like mother and son' he caught himself thinking. But Ben wasn't Rachel's son, even though he had dreamt about it a thousand times. He was his and Carol's. Rachel hadn't been brave enough to stay with him, she hadn't loved him enough to share his dreams. She had run away from him, taking all his illusions with her.

Ben approached to Rachel's ear and whispered. "Why is daddy so mad at you? And how can he be so mad and sad at the same time?"

Rachel looked at Ross who immediately looked away, wondering if he had heard his son question. The little guy seemed to know him better than anyone there, because no one had seemed to notice the fight between those two feelings that was going inside of him. No one else, except for his son and Rachel.

"I made a big mistake a long time ago, and hurt your daddy really bad" she replied raising her voice so the boy's father could hear her "If he can't forgive me I understand, I'm not asking for his forgiveness" she added finally raising her eyes and looking straight into Ross' as she spoke "I... I... guess I'll see you around Ben... I gotta go now... Mon, Phoebe... bye bye" she said as she stood up. Monica and Phoebe looked at her and smiled weakly

"Wait" said Ross when Rachel was almost out the door. "Monica, Phoebe... would you please take Ben with you? I... I... I need to talk to Rachel... alone"

"Sure" replied Monica as she looked at the astonished look on Rachel's face before quickly leaving the coffee house with her ex-roommate and her nephew

"Aunt Monica?" asked Ben once they were out of the coffee house "Do you think daddy will forgive Rachel?"

"I don't know sweetheart" was all she could answer. She had been asking herself the very same question for years

"I hope he does. I like her. She seems sweet. She doesn't look like a bad person"

"She isn't sweety. She's just a girl who made bad decisions"

"Who knows, she may end up being your new mommy" added Phoebe

"PHOEBE!!" exclaimed Monica alarmed. She still held a tiny little hope of seeing Ross and Rachel together again, but didn't want Ben to get his hopes high; he had already lost a mommy.

"I would LOVE that!!" said the kid excited. "I'm gonna convince my daddy to forgive her so she could be my new mommy!!. Thanks Phoebs!" said the kid as he entered to Chandler and Monica's apartment while Monica shot Phoebe a killer look.

Rachel remained standing next to the door for a while, not sure of what she should do next. Her instincts still yelled at her to get the hell out of there, but her heart wanted her to stay and see what was going to happen. As usual, she followed her heart.

"Do you need something Rachel?" asked Gunther as he passed near her

"Water" she said with a dry voice as she looked at Ross who, in that moment, was also looking at her.

"You can sit" said Ross standing up from the arm chair. He knew she liked that sit too. "I'm not gonna bite you. I just want to talk" His voice was clam and warmer than before. She smiled weakly and nodded softly as she walked her way to the couch.

Ross sat on the big couch and took a sip from his coffee as Gunther stood by Rachel's side with a glass of water.

"Thank you" said Rachel to the blond guy with another attempt of a smile. He smiled shyly at her and left, leaving Ross and Rachel on their own.

Ross noticed how Rachel started playing with her hands and smiled, not sure if anyone could see his smile though. She was nervous. He knew it, and loved still being able to notice it. She was probably expecting him to yell at her like the last time, but he wasn't feeling angry anymore. He just wanted to understand

"Rachel, I..." he started, but she interrupted him

"Look Ross, I know you hate me and think I'm a heartless bitch, you already told me that once and I don't think I have the energies to hear it again right now" she said quickly without taking her eyes from her hands. "I better get going then... I should probably go home, I don't want to cause you any trouble or anything" she added nervously as she stood up

Quickly Ross took her by the arm and begged her to sit again. Just the touch of his hand made her shiver. He still had that effect on her.

"When you said home... you mean London?" he asked quizzical

Rachel looked at him weirdly; not understanding what was happening or where was this going. Why was he talking to her like nothing happened? Shouldn't he be yelling right now? "Ye... yes" she replied

"Since when do you call London 'home'? if I remember correctly you used to refuse to get use to that place. That was why you never caught the accent. You used to think this was your home"

What Ross was saying was true, and it hurt her to think about it. She used to think this was her home, that her real family was here, this was the place she belonged to. In 5 years a lot of thing had changed. "I've... I've lived there more than I've lived here... and it's a lot less painful" she answered

"And still you haven't caught the accent" Ross said half smiling

She didn't want this, she didn't feel like she was going to be able to sit there talking to him as if nothing happened for any longer. She couldn't take it anymore. She wanted him to yell at her, even hit her. She didn't want him to be this nice, she didn't want him to be this charming, she didn't want him to still be him, at least not with her, she didn't deserve it. "Ross... what is it that you want?" she finally asked

"I want a lot of things" he said, taking another sip from his coffee. A big silence followed his answer as his eyes wondered through the space. Many memories came through his mind once again. Happy memories, sad memories, tears, laughers, love, pain and loneliness "But above all things I want to understand" he added after a while "I want to know what happened. I want you to explain me why did you leave"

Rachel looked at Ross for a few seconds without answering. A million things going through her mind. A million doubts. A million fears. A million reasons not to and a million reason why she should have to. She owed it to him she thought, but was he ready? Was she ready? One thing she knew, she was tired of being afraid of the past. She knew one day she'd have to tell him. It was the only way they could finally move on

"Ok... but not know... not here" she said firmly

"Tomorrow at my apartment then"

She looked down and started to play with her hands again. "You better leave Ben at Monica's then. It's a long story"

"No problem then. You know where I live. Tomorrow at... let's say 7?"

"Sure" she said as she stood up and started to leave

"Rachel!" He called her out as he stood up. Rachel turned around to face him and saw his eyes shinning and his warm smile, that smile she missed so much. "Thank you" he added sincerely.

She smiled back at him and nodded before leaving the coffee place as she started to put her together her thoughts and energies for what was yet to come  
  
To Be Continue....  
  
Ps: Next two chapters are from the past... so you'll have to wait a little longer to know what is going to happen here.... please.... remember to REVIEW.... your words mean A LOT to me.... ;)


	9. Chapter 8 7 years ago

_Here it is... the update... this time it took me only a week, not 6 months =)... so YAY! me... lol  
  
Thank you ALL for your wonderful replies (to this fic and to the other one I posted last week, wich won't be updated, cause it was just THAT scene... there's no way of writting the finale any other way), I know I've said it a thousand times, but I love reading what you think  
  
About this chapter I had to split it, cause it was TOO long... so next chapter will be also setted in the past and not in the present like it should....   
  
One last thing... you know this characters doesn't belong to me (man how I'd LOVE to have a Ross for myself... but ayway)_  
  
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----Overcoming the loneliness – Ch 8 (7 years ago)----  
  
"Ready to go?" asked Monica, coming out from the bathroom in the apartment her brother shared with Chandler.  
"Sure" replied Ross. They were going to the airport to wait for Rachel's arrival. Ross was nervous. Rachel's father was going to be there. He wanted to kiss her, hug her and never let her go, but he was going to be there. Ross didn't want Rachel to have problems with her father because of him, as he didn't want him to come in between them either.  
"It's gonna be ok Ross" said Monica, knowing what was going through her brother's mind  
"I'm not sure Mon, that guy really hates my guts"  
"It can't be that bad. Beside for all he knows you are my brother and you're driving me there"  
"I just hate this, you know? She's my girlfriend. It's bad enough that I have to spend 10 months without her, now I can't kiss her cause her father's going to be there"  
"I know it's hard sweety, but what else can you do?"  
"I don't know… I'll figure it out on the way there" he said standing up from the couch. "Let's go, I don't wanna get there after him"  
  
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Monica and Ross arrived to the airport before Dr Green. Rachel was going to stay at Monica's that night, Ross was going to be there, so Monica knew she'd be lucky of she got to talk to her friend for a few seconds. It was ok though, she loved to see Ross and Rachel together, they were so cute and in love, she couldn't help but feel a little bit jealous. She wanted to love and be loved the way Ross loved Rachel, with all his soul. She had been a witness of his love and devotion for her the last 10 months. Not once she had caught him eyeing someone else, and knew he had called Rachel everyday like he had promised. "I just can't imagine my life without her. Even if is just her voice" he had confessed her once.  
Carol, who was still good friends with Monica, had once told her that Ross and Rachel's relationship worked just because they saw each other two months a year, that it wouldn't survive 365 days, cause the passion and the longing would be gone by the 4th month. "You are just jealous" Monica had told her a bit pissed off "their relationship works cause they are mean to be, and you're gonna have to learn to live with that" she had added yelling before walking out on her.  
  
"Look who's here already!" Monica heard Rachel's father saying from behind. She looked sympathetically at her brother before greeting Leonard Green back  
"Hello Dr Green"  
"Hello dear" he said before looking at Ross "and you?" he asked roughly  
"I'm Rachel's friend" replied Ross quickly, giving the impression he had rehearsed that line a thousand times  
"Of course you are" said Dr Green sarcastically  
"Great!!" exclaimed Monica, trying to break the tension "we are all here. Rachel's the only one missing"  
  
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Rachel came down the plane so fast that she almost tripped twice. She was really excited about seeing Ross again, she had missed him SO much and had a lot of things to tell him.   
She ran through the boarding area and the luggage place, sure her daddy would pick her suitcases later. Her daddy. She had completely forgotten about him, he still didn't know about her and Ross, and to avoid any problems she wanted to keep it that way.   
  
Rachel stepped in the place where her dad and her friends were waiting for her almost five minutes after getting down the plane. The first thing she spotted were Ross's eyes looking straight into hers, like he'd known she was going to be there at that exact time. She smiled at him and waved a little. He left up his right hand and smiled widely, wanting desperately to run to her, take her in his arms and sweep her off her feet, kissing her 'till both of them were out of breath. But Leonard's eyes were fixed on their interaction, so he decided to stay still  
  
"Princess!!" Dr Green said as he met his daughter and hugged her deeply. "How was your flight sweety?"  
"Fine daddy… long though" she replied, still looking at Ross, who was standing next to Monica 10 feet away from where she was  
"Look who's here with me" said Leonard as they broke the hug.  
  
Monica was now the one running and hugging her tight, catching her off guard, making her take a few steps back not to fall. Rachel was already used to her friend's affection. Monica was always so sweet.   
"I missed you SO much!" confessed Monica "I have so much things to tell you"  
"I missed you too sweety" replied Rachel, feeling a bit guilty. She hadn't really thought much about her all year, her mind pretty much wondered in the thought of Ross and that talk she'd had the previews summer with Monica, the night before she came back to London. Still, she thought, that wasn't a reason not to miss her friend; she just missed her boyfriend more than anything.   
  
Once they broke the hug, Rachel stood in front of Ross and smiled once again, wanting really badly to jump into his arms. The hot weather had started a little bit sooner that year and he had already gained a sexy tan. His hair was shorter and he was using it spiked. His strong arms were calling her and his lips longing to kiss her, as hers longed to kiss him. But she needed to remain strong.  
  
"Hi Ross" she greeted without getting much closer to him  
"Hi… hi Rach" replied Ross with his voice sounding like he hadn't used it in years.  
"How are you? How was school this year?" she asked nonchalant, trying to sound breeze.  
"Great, heavy though" he answered. Truth was, he had buried himself in work, taking more classes than he should, not to think about her so much. He looked down, the eye contact was driving him crazy.  
"And how's Carol?" she asked with a mischievous look on her face.  
Ross's facial expression changed suddenly at the sound of Carol's name slipping from Rachel's lips. He couldn't understand what she was trying to do. Was that a joke? Cause it wasn't funny.  
He lifted his head, searching for Monica, who was standing behind Rachel's father, trying to tell him to carry on.  
Not sure of been doing the right thing, he answered: "She's uhmmmm… she's… fine". After seeing Rachel's smile was intact, he smiled again too  
  
"Ok kids, we are going to take off. Rachel still has a lot to unpack and prepare her things for tonight"  
"Yeah guys… I wanna take a shower too. It was great seeing you two… I'll see you tonight… Mon" said Rachel  
"You betcha. I'll pick you up at 9"  
"Bye Ross… it was good seeing you. Say 'hi' to your girlfriend for me, would you?"  
"Sure… I'll tell her" he replied smiling  
"I love you" she muttered, without her father noticed  
"I love you too" he muttered back smiling widely   
  
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Ross and Monica had been waiting for Rachel for over 20 minutes, it always took her ages to get ready. They both knew it anyway.  
"Mon… can I ask you something?" Ross said once he made sure Rachel's father wouldn't hear him  
"Sure, what?"  
"Why did Rachel ask me about Carol today?" he asked very serious  
Monica couldn't help but laugh, she had been waiting for this question all day. "That's an easy one dummy!! Dr Green" she said in a whisper "she had to give him the impression there was nothing going between you two, cause you sure forgot about it the minute you saw her…" she added poking him on the shoulder playfully  
"What? What are you talking about? I didn't do anything… I held myself together!" he protested  
"Ross… you were practically drooling over her"  
Monica noticed as Ross's cheeks turned some kind of red "I couldn't help it, she looked so beautiful"   
"You are SO in love, it's sooo cute!!" said Monica smiling  
  
That moment Rachel and her father walked into the living room. Ross walked towards them and grabbed Rachel's bag as a reflex. Dr Green looked at him suspiciously look, but Ross didn't catch it. Rachel, somehow, did. She knew her father didn't like Ross, she knew he didn't want her to be with him and she was scared. Scared of not having her father's blessing and his trust. Scared of having to choose one day between her dad and her boyfriend. Scared of not choosing her father.  
"Have a nice time at Monica's" said Leonard kissing his daughter's forehead. "I'm on my way to the hospital. I could have driven you there" he added as he looked at Ross, which made him really uncomfortable.  
"It's ok daddy, you can't be late, plus Ross is an excellent driver"  
  
Once Dr Green was out of sight, Ross and Rachel smiled to each other and finally, after months of waiting, they kissed. This kiss was so deep, so intense, sweet and yet rough that gave Monica the impression they were trying to make up for the last 10 months apart.  
  
"Hey! Tongue buddies!! We have to go!!" she said after watching her friend and her brother making out long enough she was starting to feel jealous  
Ross and Rachel broke the kiss but still held each other closely, just looking into each other's eyes.  
"I missed you" he said, breaking the dominating silence that ruled over both of them  
"I missed you too" she replied, unable to actually put into words how much she had really missed him. She gave him a quick kiss on the lips before letting go of his embrace  
"Let's go" said Rachel, getting in the back sit of the car  
Ross looked at Monica with pleading eyes. She let go a sigh followed by a silence. "Get in there with your girlfriend… I'll drive"  
  
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Rachel hadn't noticed the car had stopped moving if it wasn't for Monica yelling at them from outside the car. She was on cloud number nine, everytime Ross looked at her she felt that way. It was just magic. The minute she felt his lips meeting her she forgot about all the things in her mind, there was nothing more and no one else than them in the world. He always made her feel that way. It made her feel special, it made her feel complete. It made her feel like she wasn't going to be alone anymore. It made her feel loved.  
When they finally stepped out the car, Rachel felt Mrs Geller hugging her sweetly before greeting her son with a kiss on the check. Judy Geller had always been very affectionate with Rachel, some times even more than with her own daughter. "That girl has sad eyes" she had told her husband a couple of times. Truth to be told, she loved the way she makes her son feel, she loved seeing him that happy when he was with her. And even though they were still very young, she was happy that they had found each other so early in life, pretty much like her and Jack Geller. She knew that was real and everlasting love.  
"Monica, dear, why don't you take Rachel's bag to your room?"  
"Yes mom" replied Monica taking Rachel's bag, starting to feel a little bit annoyed and ignored by everyone  
"I have a nice welcome dinner for you dear" said Judy Geller as they entered to the house "your other friend is already here. You know, the weird one" she added before leaving for the kitchen just as Chandler came out to welcome Rachel as well.  
  
After dinner was over, the 4 of them stayed in the living room catching up, just hanging out. Rachel had missed this so much, just spending some time with her friends, kissing her boyfriend, talking about everything and nothing at all. Listening to Chandler's lame jokes and Ross's boring stories about dinosaurs. Laughing at how Chandler always managed to get on Monica's nerves for not using a coaster 'till the point he ended up throwing her a little bit of what he was drinking, making her get even madder as she chased him around the room go get back at him. Rachel smiled. When she was there, she was home.  
  
"A kiss for your thoughts" said Ross as they were left alone in the room when Chandler ran into the kitchen as he got away from Monica  
"I was just thinking how much I missed this, how much I missed being home… I hate being away from you guys for so long"  
"Yeah, I hate it too" he replied caressing her hand "But I'd hate even more not having you at all" they crossed fingers and he press his lips against her hand "I think I'd die without you" he added, looking at her sweetly  
She hugged him and kissed him sweetly on the lips. He was so cheesy, she thought, but that was actually one of the things she loved the most about him "I've got you some good news then"  
"Really?" he said interested  
She nodded. "But let's wait for Monica and Chandler, I want them to know too"  
  
"Guys" Rachel called them out "Mon, can you try to kill him later? I have something to tell you and it's kind of huge".   
Chandler entered the room with a satisfied look on his face "I'm too fast for her"  
"I tripped, YOU MADE ME TRIP!!" she protested "IT WASN'T FAIR!!! YOU'RE NOT FASTER THAN I AM BING!!! LET ME SHOW YOU, RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW!!" said Monica, her voice all high and squeaky.  
Rachel laughed at her friend even more. "Mon… please… I REALLY want to tell you guys something!!"  
"Ok… speak fast Green… I still have to kick this guy's ass" Monica was still breathing heavily, her energy on top.  
"Ok… thank you… well… you know since highschool is over and everything, well… uhmmmm… the deal I had with my mom was that I could come over here every summer but then I had to go back to school over there…. Well… what I'm trying to say… is that… well… you know… this whole deal thing…" rambled Rachel for a few minutes  
"YOU ARE KILLING ME!!" yelled Monica  
Rachel smiled. "I'm getting there Mon… relax". She could see in Ross's eyes he already knew where this was going. His eyes were sparkling and his smile was so big and huge she could have started kissing him and forgetting about what she was about to say. "So… long story short…. I'm moving to New York!!" she finally confessed.  
  
Monica jumped and hugged Chandler, kissing him on the cheek, leaving him speechless. Ross stood up and hugged Rachel tight, kissing the top of her head, smelling her hair in the verge of tears. "Thank you" he said softly, not sure of she had listened to him. "welcome home sweety"  
  
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Monica knocked on Rachel's door a few times before the maid opened the door, greeting her with a warm smile.  
  
"Hello Rosa… is Rachel home?" she asked  
"Yes señorita Monica, niña Rachel is in her room" replied the woman  
"Thank you" she replied smiling sweetly at her, before going to Rachel's room  
  
"Hey Rach" she greeted her friend, who was reading a book lying on her bed  
"Hey Mon". Rachel left her eyes away from the book to give her friend a look and a forced smile Monica didn't catch.  
"Where's Ross?" asked Monica "I thought you were going to be with him since your dad is not home"  
"Yeah… he was… but he had to go" Rachel replied, hiding her face behind the book once again "He had this thing at the University, and I can't take any more of those dead things he likes" she added, forcing a smile again  
"Yeah, that's what you get for dating a geek" joked Monica. Rachel only smiled, giving Monica the impression there was something bothering her friend, something she was not telling her. "Is everything ok hun? You seem different"  
"Nothing hun… it's just that I was really into this book"  
"Really? What is it about?" asked Monica interested  
Rachel closed the book and looked at the back cover. "An Egyptian family… I think"  
"I can see you were REALLY into the book" said sarcastically Monica "Come on Rach, I know something's bothering you… I know you better than this"  
"Nothing Mon… really… I mean… there's something, but I don't feel like talking about it". Rachel placed the book in her nightstand and made room in her bed so Monica could sit right next to her  
"Ok, then maybe a good news will lift your mood"  
"That would be really good". Rachel sat, hugging her legs as she placed her chin on top of her knees.  
"I'm moving to the city!!" she said cheered  
"Really? That's great hun!! Where?"  
"To my grandma's apartment. Since I'm going to go to college here too my parents thought it was unnecessary to pay for the dorms and stuff, and since my brother would be living across the hall, they had no problem with it" she was really excited, Rachel could tell. "Finally I'll be out of my parents house… and now you'll have an excuse if you want to stay over at Ross's. you can always tell your dad you're staying at my place" Monica added with a mischievous smile, winkling to her friend.  
Monica had touched her weak point. "Staying at Ross's? I don't see that happening any time soon"  
"Really? Why not?... I mean… last year you told me he was the one you wanted to sleep with, remember? What is holding you back now? You know he didn't cheat on you. You know he's crazy about you and you're staying here… so why not?" Monica was concerned. In her mind, not that she liked to pictured it, Ross and Rachel were already having sex. Actually, the revelation of Rachel not wanting to stay at Ross's caught her off guard, it just didn't make sense  
"I don't know Mon" replied simply Rachel as she stood up from her bed and started to wonder around her room for a while, her mind elsewhere, her mind on Ross. "Actually I do… we kind of had 'the talk' yesterday, and well… it didn't end up well" she confessed. She had said herself she didn't want to talk about it, specially not with Monica, this was something she had to work out with Ross, there was no need to put his sister in between, but she desperately needed her friend to talk to.  
"What do you mean?" asked Monica confused  
"We got into a huge fight" replied Rachel, feeling slowly how here eyes started to water.  
"A fight? You guys? Why?" asked Monica concerned. She had never known of Ross and Rachel fighting before. She could see Rachel was a wreck even though she was trying to hide it. This was just killing her, Monica thought.  
  
Rachel wondered around her room a little bit more before stopping by the window, looking at the park under her, the hundred of people, the hundred of lifes, the hundred of dreams and probably the hundred of disappointments like the one she had lived the day before. 'I should have seen it coming' she said to herself over and over again. It was so obvious. After all, he was still a guy.  
  
"Come on sweety, tell me what happened" insisted sweetly Monica  
"He slept with her" replied Rachel, almost in a whisper, too afraid to hear it coming from her own mouth  
"With her? With whom? With Carol?"  
Rachel nodded, the tears already falling. Monica just hugged her as she hugged her back. "Please tell me he did it when they were together" she said closing her eyes, not even wanting to think about what would happen if it was the other way around.  
Rachel nodded again as Monica left out a small relief sigh  
"I just always thought it was gonna be the first time for both of us, you know… but Ross doesn't seem to understand that's important for me". Rachel looked down, feeling kind of silly putting down in words what she had been feeling what she had felt since Ross and told her he wasn't virgin the afternoon before.  
"Rach… sweety… if you think about it… it's not such a big deal, I mean… most of the guys aren't virgin… and…"  
"That's not the point Monica!!!" interrupted Rachel, getting pissed, as she resumed her wondered around. "The thing is, he did it with HER… probably if it had been some other girl he met before we did, it would have been ok, but it was her, the lead character of all my nightmares Monica. He was having sex with her while I was in London, thinking he was missing me as much as I was missing him. Thinking he hadn't meant what he said. Thinking he was thinking about me!"  
"But he was Rachel!!"  
"Right, when? While he was fucking her?... that's romantic!!" Rachel said letting go a sarcastic laugh  
"Rach, would you cut him some slack? He dumped her for you, didn't he? He spent 10 months away from you and didn't even talked to her once. Rachel I know my brother, and he loves you. But you have to understand some times guys doesn't think with their heads, that's most of the time actually, specially when there's a naked woman in front of them. Ok… so he had sex with her… but there's a whole world of difference between having sex and making love Rachel"  
"Stop talking like you are the master in this kind of things!!" Rachel interrupted Monica again. "You are as virgin as I am".  
Monica looked at her friend hurt, feeling how her eyes filled with tears. "I wish I was" she replied softly  
"What?!" asked Rachel shocked  
"Brian… and I regret it every single day… he wasn't the right guy… he didn't love me nor he cared about me" she wiped her tears and looked at Rachel straight into the eyes, grabbing her by the shoulders. "But you have the perfect guy in front of you, willing to wait for you, to spend 10 months without seeing you and you want to throw that away just cause he had sex once before? Come on Rachel!!... who cares if he slept with Carol, that's in the past… she's in the past. He's still the same guy"  
"Mon… I… I… didn't know…. You and Brian… why didn't you tell me?"  
"I guess I was ashamed of myself. It was a mistake, and it was horrible… I guess I just wanted to erase that one thing out" Monica sited on Rachel's bed and grabbed a pillow "You're the only one who knows anyway"  
Rachel sited next to her and grabbed her right hand "It's ok sweety… it will get better… for both of us" she said smiling weakly. "You still have Chandler anyway" she joked.  
Monica laugh. "Yeah, right… and you have Ross… don't try to push him away over something that, when you think about it, is not a big deal"  
"I still don't know Mon… it's hard… very hard"  
"Just think about it Rach… I just don't want you to make a mistake… that's all"  
  
_TO BE CONTINUED....  
  
=========================================================  
  
That's if for now... I want to post the next chapter tomorrow... but I can't promise you anything...although I can tell you it will be up this weekend... it's already written it, I just have to type it... and it's... let's say more "juici".... lol  
  
Please, remember to REVIEW... pretty please... I just LOVE them_


	10. Chapter 9 7 years ago

_Here it is... just like I promised it would be. Thanks for your kind words and for keeping up with me in all this.  
  
This chapter is rated **R** cause... well... you know... they kind of have sex... hehehe... but just like in my previews fic I tried to focus more in the feeling than in the act itself  
  
Remeber to review after you're done reading and that this characters do not belong to me.  
  
Now with the story..._  
  
**----Overcoming the loneliness – Ch 9 (7 years ago)----**  
  
The night fell silent as Ross sat on the couch totally alone in a total darkness, the apartment only illuminated by the lights of the city that came through the window, it seemed like a busy night for everybody else. Chandler had gone out on a date. He was alone and felt alone. He looked around for a while 'till he found the stereo remote lying next to him and pushed play. "With or without you" came through the sound system and he sighed. He hated having left things like that with Rachel, he had just stood up and left her alone in her room the day before. But what else could he had done? Lie to her? Telling her nothing had happened with Carol? He had promised her the truth all the time, "I've had enough lies for a lifetime" she had told him once, but this time the truth had lead them into a huge fight. Their first actual fight and it hurt. Cause as much as he wanted, he couldn't take back what he had done, he couldn't erase it, just like he just couldn't understand what was so big and terrible about it. He knew with Rachel would be different, everything with Rachel was different.  
  
Ross's thoughts stopped and he just started listening to the song. _ "Through the storm we reach the shore, you've given all but I want more"_. Ross smiled at this verse of the song, probably he wanted more from Rachel, and he was expecting her to understand him when there was nothing to understand. The whole thing with Carol had been one huge mistake, been with a girl while he still was in love with other not only hurt both girls, but also him. Lying to himself about what he felt and doing all it was necessary to take Rachel out of his mind hadn't worked. A few times he found himself not wanting it to work. And now, almost a year and a half later, he was paying the consequences to his bad decisions. And he wanted her to understand something even him didn't understand.   
  
Sex had always been a big deal for girls, more than for guys. They always dreamt about their first time being with the ideal guy. Ross knew Rachel had an ideal man in her head, just like any other girl… and above all things wanted to be that man, for her, for them. He wanted to give her everything she dreamed, everything she wanted, everything she wished for. But if now he couldn't fit the image of that ideal man, things could start getting difficult.

_With or without you, with or without you  
I can't live, with or without you_

  
  
"That song reminds me of you" Rachel's words broke the silence that ruled the darkness of the living room, making Ross snap back to reality. He hadn't heard her coming in  
  
"Yeah" he smiled weakly "it makes me think of you too"  
  
"So we can say that's like… our song right? God why is it so dark in here?" she asked turning on the lights to see Ross looking at her sweetly and full of regret.  
  
"So… you are not mad at me anymore?"  
  
"I wasn't mad Ross" replied Rachel as she walked across the room to sit right next to Ross "I was more hurt than mad"  
  
"But why were you so hurt sweety? it's not like I did it while we were together, she was my girlfriend back then".  
  
The word 'girlfriend' sunk in Rachel's ears, she really had been his girlfriend, but she didn't even want to think about that. "I know she was Ross, but you have no idea how much it hurts me knowing you had a girlfriend while I was in London, crying my eyes out, thinking about you. Just knowing that you also were having sex with her, something you have never done with me, it's even harder to handle"  
  
"I know". Ross stood up from the couch and kneeled in front of her, supporting his hands on her knees. "But I also know that I didn't love her. It was just the heat of the moment. I love YOU Rach… no one else".  
  
"I know you do" she replied softly  
  
He kissed her forehead and wiped away a single tear from her face. "As long as we are clear there". He said smiling. "The day you and I have sex it will be completely different sweety, cause you are different, my feelings for you are different. I'll be doing it because I love you, because every part of me loves you. That's why I don't care how much I have to wait for you to be ready, cause I'll be ready whenever you are. And I know I'll be much more nervous and it will be much more exciting than the first time. It would be a completely different first time, it would be OUR first time, and that single fact would make it the most special first time ever"  
  
"How come you always know what to say?" she said, smiling sweetly at him as she looked into his beautiful puppy eyes.  
  
"It's a gift" he replied smiling as well. "I understand why this is a big deal for you sweety, but you don't have to be scared, ok? I would never hurt you or do anything you don't want me to. I love you and I wanna make you happy. And I respect you, you mean everything to me". Ross ran his fingers through her face, as she closed her eyes, just feeling his gentle touch.  
  
She wanted to take everything to the next level so badly, but couldn't help being afraid, specially of her father. The image of Dr. Green telling her all those stories about pregnant girls who ruined their lifes just for giving up into their boyfriends' wishes were imprinted in her brain since forever. She knew she would have to discover it by herself if it was as terrible as her father said, she knew she had to put those words behind, she couldn't let them to dominate her. It wasn't going to happen to them, Ross wasn't like all those other girls boyfriends. He had just said it, he would never hurt her, and she believed him.  
  
She kissed him like she had done it so many times before, feeling his taste, enjoying his lips, as his hands caress her hair. Suddenly the passion started to increase. Rachel felt like she couldn't control herself anymore as she felt Ross's hands run through her back to find a place in her but. Her brain was telling her to stop, but she didn't want to, she wanted to be with him, feel his skin pressing against hers. She wanted him to take her where she had never been before. She wanted him to make love to her.  
  
The second Ross realized where his hands where, he broke the kiss, feeling ashamed. "I'm so so sorry honey. I… I let myself carry away... I'm sorry". He felt like such an idiot. He had just told her he would wait for her and now this happened. He lowed his head and stood up from the couch covering her face with his hands. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry" he repeated once again.  
  
Rachel also stood up from the couch and took his hands off his face, looking for his eyes. She placed her index finger in his lips and without breaking the eye contact she held his right hand with hers, linking fingers. "Don't be" she as she lead him into his room.  
  
"Rach… what?... are you… are you sure? Here? Now?" he asked confused and nervous. This was very sudden.  
  
"I asked you once to let your heart take the lead when it came to us" she whispered into his ear as she pressed herself against his chest, while she started to unbutton his shirt. "Just stop thinking" she added, burring her face into his naked chest.  
  
He closed the door to his room wither in his arms, not sure of what he should do next. He tried to take of her t-shirt, but since they were kissing he only placed his hands under it, feeling his soft skin with his hands, traveling through her back. Up until this moment they hadn't done anything they hadn't done before. A couple of times they had started to undress while making out, but Rachel always stopped it before anything else could happen. This time Ross was very aware that she didn't want to stop, and it was making him uneasy.  
  
"Honey, you're shaking" she said stopping the kiss. "Are you ok?"  
  
He looked at her very ashamed. "I'm really nervous" he confessed  
  
She let slip a small laugh before giving him a quick pick on the lips "It's ok sweety, I trust you" she said  
  
He smiled at her and she nodded  
  
She started to kiss his chest as he finally got rid of her t-shirt. Amazed by her curves, wanting to know every single part of her body, willing to discover every single one of her secrets and take position of then as his own, his hands traveled from her waist, to her breast and into her hair.  
She went for his belt as he kissed her neck. She was nervous too, probably more that it seemed. She always knew this moment would come, and she knew it was going to be with Ross, she didn't picture anyone else being her first. He was her love, her soul mate and her best friend. She could see in his eyes he was honest and an unique love and devotion. He had given her the most amazing first kiss, waited for her 10 months and understood her even when no one else did, even when she didn't understand herself. He was the one, he was her one. There would never be another Ross in her life. She knew it. That very same moment she realized there was no one else out there for her. No other guy would ever made her feel the way and the things he did. And that freighted her. What if she loses him? What if she makes one single mistake that would keep him forever away from her side? Would she be able to live knowing he wasn't going to be a part of her future? She didn't want to get lost into those thoughts. Not now, not ever.  
  
Rachel felt how Ross started to feel more confident. His touch was still gentle but more secure. As the heat began to grow, he unzipped her jeans and started touching her like she never imagined she could be touched. This was so like him, he always made her feel new and unexplored things.  
She let out a moan and this a sign for Ross to know he was doing a good job. He was trying hard not to mess this up, to make her feel special, to make her feel pleased and to have a good performance, he didn't want this to be over anytime soon. All the other times he had done this he had been more focused on having a good time himself than what the other person was feeling. Now that it was Rachel, she meant everything to him, he didn't want to scare her or hurt her. He knew she was nervous and afraid, he could read her like an open book. He knew every single one of her gestures, every single one of the different way her eyes shone. She was scared. He could see it, and it made him feel disgusting. She was feeling scared while he was in heaven. He wanted to take her to heaven too. That was the most important thing for him that very same moment.  
"If you want me to stop, I'll stop" he said between kisses  
  
"I don't" she managed to say with an exhausted voice. "Please carry on"  
  
He placed himself on top of her without breaking the eye contact before kissing her on the forehead. "I only want to make you feel good. If it hurts you or you're not enjoying this, just let me know". Rachel nodded and started working on his pants.  
  
They both were in their underwear now, still kissing, touching, breathing and above all things, feeling and loving. In that very same moment, they were the only beings in the whole world, there was nothing around them. Not even Ross's room. They were one, floating in the space, in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by every single emotion their hearts allowed them to feel, one of them being the most undeniable love. A love as naive as a child, but as old as time.  
  
Rachel placed her hand under Ross's boxers almost as a reflex, she had lost the control over her actions long ago and now was just letting herself go, her mind only focused on Ross's stomach, chest, neck and lips. He let go a moan she probably didn't catch as she removed her boxers to leave him completely naked. That moment he felt transparent, vulnerable, defenseless, scared, excited, happy, amazed and afraid, all at the same time. For the first time in his life Rachel was seeing him as he really was, with no covers or a place to hide. His insecurities had began to take hold of him as he felt like now had no place to run.  
  
Rachel felt Ross wasn't feeling comfortable and stopped just to look at him lying above her. She looked into his eyes and saw doubt and fear. She knew that fear was of hurting her and of getting hurt. She saw how vulnerable he was and how inexpert he felt. She saw as a kid became a man in front of her eyes. And finale she saw the one person she wanted to be with for the rest of her life. She saw the man who was going to join her in her path. She saw true love. "It's ok honey" she said kissing his eyes sweetly "It's ok, you can go on"  
  
He smiled at her and reached out for her bra, trying unsuccessfully to unhook it. He felt so clumsy he even blushed a little. Rachel, founding it really amusing and cute, grabbed his face with her hands to kiss him on the lips as she lifter her body from the bed so he could unhook her bra easily. Rachel's movement worked perfectly, cause now she was lying topless in front of him.  
  
Ross couldn't help but notice how beautiful and perfect he breast were as the valley between them called him to explore it. He could get lost there forever, he thought. He could spend there the rest of his life.   
  
His lips traveled from her neck to her belly button, tasting her skin in a brush of passion, still very aware of his actions, but, as Rachel would say, letting his heart taking the lead.  
  
Rachel felt Ross's lips burning over her skin as he traveled through her body. She moan again, letting him know he was doing and excellent work. Up until this point everything had been magic, she never thought she could feel so loved during and encounter like this, she never imagined how many levels this had. She never knew how powerful and enchanting this all could be. She felt blessed. Touched by a higher power. Drunken by happiness. High on love.   
  
She felt how her panties ran through her legs as she searched once again for Ross's eyes. She was now naked in front of him like he was naked in front of her, and it felt so natural, so right, so meant to be. She caught Ross's glance and smiled, as he smiled back. He run his hand through her face and then through her body as she closed her eyes, giving herself completely to him. Trusting, feeling, loving. She was giving him her most treasured possession and he knew it. She was giving him something she could never get back and that would always be his. She was letting him being a part of her forever. After this encounter they would be linked to each other for eternity. She knew it. He knew it. They both felt it. They both enjoyed it.  
  
Suddenly, Rachel felt an enormous cold running through her body; Ross had lifter his body from hers and now was wondering around the room. It took her a few seconds to snap back to reality still very confused. "What… What?" she struggled with the words, suddenly aware of her nakedness.  
"I'm looking for a damn condom. I know I have one somewhere" he answered as he searched in one of his closet drawers.  
  
"Right". Rachel felt how the moment slowly drifted away.  
  
"Maybe Chandler has one in his room" he said more to himself than to her as he started to look for his boxers.  
  
Rachel covered herself with the bed covers while he was gone and laid in there for what it seemed and eternity. What's now? Was the question in her head. She had been fine until Ross stopped, now she was having doubts. Was this the right thing to do? Was she ready? Weren't they rushing into things? With every second that went by her head filled with more and more doubts, questions and apprehensions she didn't want to have. She was not sure of all this anymore.  
  
"We can thank Chandler". Ross entered the room smiling as he got into bed next to her while taking his boxers off. "He had a whole pack"  
  
"Great" she replied, looking at her hands and lowing her head not to look straight into his eyes, she didn't want him to know she was having doubts.  
  
"What's the matter?" he asked concerned, sensing something different in her "is everything ok?"  
  
"Yeah" she lied  
  
He looked at her for a while and then kissed her on the top of her head. "Come on, trust me" he insisted.  
  
"It's nothing honey, really" she lied again  
  
"It's normal that you have doubts sweety" he replied, looking for her eyes. "Look at me" he said lifting her chin with his left hand, making her look straight into his eyes. "If you want to leave it at this it's ok, we can do it some other time, seriously. Don't feel obligated or like it's something you HAVE to do. I can wait all the time you want me to. We took a big step today anyway" he finished smiling. "I love you"  
  
"I love you too" she replied, now smiling widely and looking into his beautiful chestnut eyes, the one place where she could find confidence and wisdom. Once she started to feel everything was going to be ok she said: "It's ok, I wanna do it… I just had my doubts, stupid silly doubts". She placed one of her hands on his chest and gave him a little kiss on the lips "but now they are all gone" she added before kissing him once again. That kiss was broken just so Rachel could laid on her back once again, making him place his naked body on top of hers. Ross supported his weight with his left arm, trying hard not to cause her any pain.  
  
The moment Ross entered her; she felt how her eyes watered. It hurt, but in a good way. Once again, another thing she thought it could never happen. The feeling of him being a part of her made her feel complete, like whatever she was missing she had found it right there, right in that moment. Their breathing began to sound like one and the movements of their bodies became so in synchrony that it looked like they were dancing along the most wonderful music.  
  
The whole act finished quickly, leaving both of them exhausted and Ross feeling ashamed. "Sorry about that" he said as she rested her head on his chest, caressing his arms.  
  
"It's ok honey, it was amazing" and it really had been. Probably it wasn't going to be her best time ever, but sure it had been the most magical one, and being able to share it with him made it even more special.  
  
"You don't have to lie to me" he insisted "I promise it will be better next time"  
  
"I know" she muttered drifting fast to sleep. She was exhausted.  
  
He watched her sleep and smiled. The feeling of Rachel sleeping in her arms was amazing, it was the first time they'd be spending together and it would remain in his memory as one of the most wonderful experiences he would ever had. Just being able to hold her so close, smell her hair and watch her breathing in an out made him want to protect her forever, to do this every single day, every single night, every single moment.  
  
_To be continued...  
  
-------------------------------------------------  
I really hope you liked this chapter, somehow it was harder to write than the other time I wrote something like this... probably cause it was thier first time. Anyway, I'd really like to know what you thought about it, so please REVIEW.  
The next chapter is set in the preset so probably you'll finally find out what the hell happened... I'm still deciding that... nah... you will.. and hopefully it will help you understand everything cause things will star falling into their places...  
  
But for now... just REVIEW_  



	11. Chapter 10 Nowdays

_Here it is... finally... the new chapter =).... sorry it took me so long, but the last scene was kind of hard cause it was the one thing I had in mind when I started writing this fic and putting down in words was harder than I thought... and still I'm not very satisfied with it.... but I couldn't write it again!!... I needed to update.  
  
Here you'll FINALLY find out WHY Rachel left... what the hell happened... I bet I've been torturing you guys with that for too long, haven't I?  
  
Anyway, I just have to say RnR do not belong to me... I'm just a crazy fan... Now with the story_  
  
**----Overcoming the loneliness – Ch 10 (Nowdays)---- **  
  
It was amazing how many memories can one place hold. It is amazing how with just one blink a rush of old emotions can overcome you. It is amazing how much you can miss something you had given up on a long time ago. It's amazing how it can still hurt. After 5 years. The wound he swore had already healed sore more than ever. And it was driving him crazy.  
Just seeing Rachel again in the Central Perk was like a slap in the face. The place of their first date, the place of their first "I love you", the place that kept so many memories of entire evenings shared laughing, kissing and being in love. The same place where their last encounter had taken place 30 minutes ago. That place, that feeling, that face. It was all rushing back  
  
Ross sat alone in his apartment. Being with the lights off when his humor was dark had been very effective in the past. It allowed him to be alone with his thoughts. Alone with his pain. Alone with his regrets. Alone with his longing for a better time.  
  
His peace was suddenly wrecked by the constant ringing of the telephone. He looked at it but didn't ever bother picking it up. He didn't want to be bothered, he didn't want to anyone. He wasn't feeling like one of the people living in this world. He just needed to be apart.  
  
"Ross… pick up the phone" Monica's voice came through the answering machine. "I know you are there." She took a deep breath before carry on. She knew he wasn't going to pick up. "Fine, have it your way. I just wanted to know if you want me to take Ben in for tonight"  
  
Ben, Ross thought. His child, his baby. Carol's son. He quickly picked up the phone to answer back. "Bring him over" was all he said before hanging up. Having him home would take his mind off what had just happened and of was yet to come. Being with Ben always made him really rood. Being with Ben was always healing, even if it was just for a while.  
He stood up from the couch and turned on the lights. He didn't want his son seeing him like this. It hadn't happened with Carol and it was not going to happen because of Rachel. It would mean answering too many questions he didn't want to hear. Thinking about answers he didn't want to think. Remembering things he didn't want to remember, at least not until the next day.  
  
The next day. what was she going to tell him? The many possibilities that flooded his head since she left the Central Perk were driving him insane. Did she not love him? Or had se stopped overnight? Had he made, said or done something to hurt or upset her? Or maybe she had fallen in love with somebody else. Whichever was the case, he would be finding out the next day, and the waiting was killing him. "You've waited 5 years. One day won't kill you" he said to himself as he approached to open the door to his son and his sister.  
  
"Hey daddy" said the kid smiling. "can I play PlayStation for a little while before going to bed?"  
"It's passed your bed time Ben. And you know I don't like you playing that thing so late"  
"But dad!!" protested Ben  
"I already told you Ben!, don't make me say it twice" Ross's tone was harsh. Monica gave her brother a concerned look as she watched him placing his hands on his eyes.  
"Headache?" she asked  
"Terribly" he replied, closing his eyes again. "And my buddy here isn't helping"  
"Ben, sweety… why don't you go brushing your teeth to get into bed? Daddy is not feeling very well. Plus, if you go to bed early, you can wake up early so you can play PlayStation sooner"  
  
Ben looked passed Ross and straight to Monica. "Great, my son is mad at me" Ross thought.  
"Only if you promise I can see Rachel tomorrow"  
Monica quickly looked at Ross as he sat on the couch, and smiled at him nervously, not sure if he had noticed it. "Fine, you can see Rachel tomorrow" he said. "Now go brush your teeth and put on your pj. I'll be there in a second"  
"YAY!" screamed Ben and run into the bathroom quickly  
  
Ross smiled. 6 years ago, if he had known he'd be seeing Rachel the next day, he probably would have reacted the very same way his kid did.  
  
"He really like her" said Monica as she sat next to Ross  
"He really does" replied Ross nodding, as he kept his eyes fixed on the black TV screen  
"Anything else to add from today's encounter?"  
"Nope"  
"So, did you guys talked?"  
"Nope"  
  
Monica knew he didn't want to talk about it, but the curiosity had taken the best of her. She had been waiting for this moment for too long.  
"So… you just sit there… without talking?"  
Ross sighed. "We talked… but she's coming over tomorrow night to talk everything through…"  
"Really?! Wow, that's great!!" said Monica, surprised by the news. 'That was fast' she thought. Was it a good idea they were doing it this quick? Probably it was for the best. Whenever the truth came out their lifes would start being easy to leave, or at least that was what she hoped.  
"So I'm gonna need you to watch Ben tomorrow. Rachel said it could take long"  
"Sure honey, no problem……. And how are you feeling with all this?"  
  
Ross contemplated the space one more time before answering trying to collect his thoughts. "I'm feeling a lot of different things actually. I'm confused, nervous, scared… you name it". He sighed. "I'm just happy all this wondering will be over by tomorrow!"  
  
"Daddy!! I'm ready!!" yelled Ben from his room.  
"I'll be there in a second!!" yelled back Ross. "Get into bed!!"  
"Can I turn on the TV?"  
"Fine, but only until I get there… and no horror movies!!"  
  
"Thanks Mon" said Ross sincerely as he took his sister's hand  
"What for?" she asked confused  
Ross smiled. "For a lot of things actually. Mostly for just being there"  
"You're welcome bro'. That's what sisters are for anyways" she replied with a smile  
"Yeah… that and for annoy the living hell out of me" he teased her  
"Hey! What happened to the sweet brother that was just thanking me?" she replied pocking him on the shoulder playfully  
  
Ross hugged her tight, trying to get strength and courage. Looking for support and understanding  
  
"It's going to turn out ok Ross. This is something both of you need to do"  
"I'm scared" he confessed.  
"Of what?"  
"Of…" Ross trailed. He looked around for a while, looking for the words, probably looking for the will to say it, to accept his bigger fear, afraid to accept it. "I'm afraid she's going to say she didn't love me. I'm afraid she's going to say she never really did". His eyes finally met Monica's and she could see the fear in them. "I'm scared of finding out I've been in love for 10 years with a woman who doesn't love me back".  
"Are you still…?"   
"…in love with her?" interrupted Ross. "I couldn't take my eyes off of her while we were at the coffee place. All I could think about was 'God, she looks beautiful'. When I saw her eyes watering all I wanted was run to her, hug her and never let her go. Telling her that I really don't care she left, that all that matters is that she's back, that she's here, that she's with me"  
"Sweety, I…" Monica was speechless. "I don't know what to say"  
"Did you see her with Ben?" he asked with a melancholic smile. "When did everything got so screwed?"  
  
--------  
  
She looked around. Everything looked foreign. The people, the buildings, the streets. Pretty much like her that morning. It was a dark morning, a dark day. or was it just her?  
She wondered down that street for what seemed an eternity, under the eyes of strangers who knew she felt somehow foreign into her own life, or at least that was how she felt.  
Finally she stepped into an old building. She claimed the stairs and stood in front of a filthy old door with the number 31 on it. She stood there for quite a while, wondering weather she should knock or just leave.   
Just when she had taken the decision of leaving, a woman opened the door  
  
"Niña Rachel?" said the woman with a smile on her face and the look of a person who had been expecting this visit all along  
"Hola Rosa" said Rachel smiling back softly. "Como esta?" she asked with a thick Spanish. The years of lessons and all the effort Ross had put into teach her Spanish during her childhood only had left her knowing a few words she could barely pronounce.  
"Muy bien, muy bien. Come on in please"  
  
Rachel entered to her old nanny's apartment and looked around. It was a nice decorated two bedroom place. She had some pictures framed hanging a wall, which made the place feel very warmed and familiar, 'pretty much like Rosa' thought Rachel. Her nanny had always been really caring, sometimes even more than her own mother.  
  
"Can I get you some coffee mi niña?" Rosa asked sweetly  
"That would be great"  
"And some just baked cookies?" she asked again with a sweet smile  
"Sure!" replied Rachel cheered. "I love your cookies, and I've missed them a lot"  
  
Rosa smiled and got into the first door from the left which Rachel assumed was the kitchen. Rachel sat on the couch while she waited and stared at the pictures on the wall. She could see Rosa's daughter and her sons, she had met that girl several years ago when she was just a kid pretty much like herself, she hadn't changed a bit, she had her mother's warm smile and shinny happy brown eyes. She looked really happy surrounded by his two little sons, Rachel thought. Somehow she envied that.   
  
Next to that picture was one of a man and a little girl smiling. She stood up to take a better look at it. It was her and her father a long time ago, she didn't even remember when that picture had been taken, but she was sure it was when she was 9 or 10, before her parents split up and she moved to London with her mother and her sisters, probably during their last summer as a family. A bittersweet smiled appeared in her face. Family. She had never really known what that word meant.  
  
"You and your father were like a second family to me" said Rosa standing next to Rachel, contemplating the picture as well. "I always knew you were going to grow up to become a beautiful woman mi niña. Just look at you, you have your father's eyes."  
Rachel looked down. "Right" she softly said. The truth was, she hadn't felt beautiful in a long time  
"Have you seen him?" asked Rosa still looking at the picture on the wall.  
Rachel quickly looked at her weirdly. "Who-who?" she asked confused  
"Ross" answered Rosa. "Isn't he the reason why you came back?"  
"Not really" hurried Rachel to answer. "I came back because of work, I didn't really wanted to come back"  
  
Rosa put the coffee and the cookies on the coffee table next to her and then too Rachel by the hands looking at her, like a mother watching her baby taking her first steps. "That's what you want to believe, you know it's not true"  
Rachel let go a nervous laugh and took her hands off Rosa's "what are you talking about?"  
"Mi niña, I know love. I've felt love. I saw real love in that kid's eyes the first time I saw him looking at you, just like I see love in your eyes right now"  
"There's no love anymore. He doesn't love me"  
"How can you be so sure?"  
"Cause I hurt him. I left him. Plus he's been married since then. He doesn't love me anymore. He can't love me"  
"And you? Do you still love him?"  
"Does it matter? It just hurt too much"  
"Love always hurts"  
"It shouldn't!" cried Rachel "not like this"  
"But it does, it's what makes it real. Mi niña, you have to take chances. You know you still love that boy. You know you are here because of him. What are you waiting for?"  
"He doesn't even know why I left" Rachel sighed as her eyes wondered around. "How can he even understand, or even forgive me?"  
"You have to talk to him, there's no other way out"  
"Oh Rosa!" exclaimed Rachel as he hugged her nanny "I don't wanna be here. I wanna go home"  
  
Rosa kissed the top of her head and caressed her hair. Even though Rachel was already a woman, for her would always be that little girl who run to her every time she got scared cause her room was too dark or cause her parents were arguing again.  
  
"You can't run away anymore. It's time to face your fears. This is life mi niña, and you have to live it, you can't hide from it."  
  
--------  
  
"Ben is staying over tonight" Monica said to Chandler as he came out of the bathroom.  
"Cool!" said Chandler; he loved hanging out with Ross' son. That kid was the only thing that made him even consider having kids one day. Monica knew it, that was why she liked so much having Ben over. "Can I invite Joey?" he asked like a little kid.  
"Sure honey, you 3 can have a guys night tonight, but remember Ben's bedtime is at 9 o'clock, Ross would kill me if he knows Ben went to bed late again".  
  
The conversation was interrupted by a knocked on the door that was quickly answered by Monica.  
  
"Hey Rachel" she greeted her friend with a smile.  
"Hey Mon" Rachel said back as she entered to the apartment  
"How are you feeling?"  
"Kind of sick"  
  
"Hey Rach" said Chandler. Sensing a big girls' talk coming he stood up from the couch. "I'm gonna go to Joey's to… uhm… watch a game, porn or something" he excused himself before leaving the apartment.  
"Thanks hun" said Rachel smiling sincerely   
  
Rachel sat on one of the chairs in the kitchen while Monica washed the dishes from breakfast. "I went to see Rosa this morning"  
"How is she? I haven't seen her in ages!!"  
"She looks the same" replied Rachel with a smile. "She's really well"  
"Great"  
"She told me I should talk to Ross too"  
"What? You were planning not to? He'll be waiting for you tonight"  
"No, no, no, no… I will… I just…" Rachel sighed. "I don't know Mon"  
"Wow-wow-wow-wow" exclaimed Monica moving her hands. "You CAN'T back away now. NO!!" her voice starting to sound a little harsh.  
"Why not?" asked Rachel standing from the chair  
"Rachel, listen to me… you have already hurt my brother enough"  
"What?" asked Rachel hurt.  
"He deserves to know!"  
"And you think knowing won't hurt him?" Rachel replied  
"At least he would know the truth!" Monica looked at Rachel for a few seconds. It was so hard to be in the middle of all this, but she couldn't let Rachel keep running away. "It's the only way you can both move on"  
"I'm scared Mon"  
"He's scared too, you know?"  
"Really?"  
"He told me last night"  
"I don't want to hurt him again"  
"Then tell him the truth, I'm sure he will understand"  
"Yeah, I'm scared of that too"  
"What?" asked Monica confused  
  
Rachel smiled melancholically. "He always understands. I'm scared he will forgive me… because I still can't forgive myself"  
  
"Rachel… it wasn't your fault"  
  
Rachel remained silent  
  
"The Doctor said…"  
"I know what the doctor said"  
"It could have been anything Rach. You father's heart was weak"  
"BUT IT WASN'T ANYTHING!!" yelled Rachel. "I was arguing with him Mon, I was yelling and telling him how much I loved Ross and how selfish he was and then…" Rachel couldn't go on. Thinking about that day was too much. She hadn't talked about it for such a long time now it seemed like a bad dream. But now here she was, facing all of her demons, all of her nightmares, fears and buried memories completely unprepared.   
"It's ok sweety" said Monica hugging her friend. "It's going to be ok"  
  
Rachel broke the hug. "Thanks Mon" she said. "You are right. I have to talk to Ross, I need to do it"  
"But before you go you're gonna have a glass of warm milk, ok? It will help you relax a little"  
"Ok" she replied as she sit again in the same chair she was sited before.   
  
Rachel closed her eyes. This was her life. She was already living it. Now there was no way out. The worst was yet to be revealed.  
  
--------  
  
That very same moment she knew she had never felt fear before. What was going through her mind, body and soul was the real feeling of being scared, something she had never felt before and it gave her a weird sensation. She was scared, but not petrified. She knew what she had to do; she knew what she had to do all along. She had to go there and tell Ross the truth, it was the only way she could ever even think about living peaceful. She was tired of being scared; she was tired of running away; she was tired of living with the weight of the world over her shoulders. She needed to let her old life go.  
  
Rachel looked at her watch. It was 7:15. She had been standing in front of Ross's door for over 20 minutes going back and for with the idea of knocking. She needed to do it; it was the only way of finishing this whole thing. But she was somehow scared of finish it. This secret had been the only thing that had kept her linked to her past life, when she was in NY and she was happy with Ross. Although the memories of that day hunted her, they also forbid her to move on, and by not moving on she was able of still being in love with Ross. It was a complex situation. She knew it. It was very complicated.  
  
"How long have you been standing there?" asked Ross opening the door. "I was already thinking you weren't coming"  
"No… well… I was… just…" stuttered Rachel.  
Ross gave her a little smile. "Wanna come in?"  
"Su-sure" she replied.  
  
His apartment was just like she pictured it. Pretty much like his room when he lived with Chandler. Filled with Dinosaurs bones, diplomas and other stuff. She spotted a picture of Ross and Ben on a corner next to the main door. He was dressed as Santa and little Ben was smiling widely. Standing right next to Ross was Carol, also smiling and holding Ben's hand. Rachel couldn't help but feel a little envy for that familiar picture. The 3 of them looked so happy.  
  
"It was taken 2 years ago" said Ross, noticing Rachel staring at the picture. "Ben was 2 and all he wanted for Christmas was meeting Santa. So I dressed up like him to surprise him… but Ben realized it was me" Ross smile "My little boy has always been really, really smart"  
Rachel smiled at him. He was such a caring father. She always knew he would be. "Yeah, I noticed that when I met him today. He's a very special boy"  
"He sure is… sometimes I even think he's more mature then I am!!" Ross joked.  
"Probably" replied Rachel joking too. It was so easy for her to feel comfortable when she was with him  
  
"You can sit if you want" said Ross after a few seconds of awkward silence. "Are you hungry? I ordered in Chinese food from that place you used to love"  
  
'Use to' Rachel thought. She used to love so many things when she was with him.   
  
"No thanks, I'm not really hungry"  
"Yeah, me neither" commented Ross with a shy smile. "Coffee?"  
"Sure, why not?" she replied.  
  
Ross got into the kitchen and Rachel started to walk around the apartment. It was a beautiful place, spacey enough and very well decorated. She loved the maroon color of the walls and the way everything matched. It looked like a grown up apartment. It looked like Ross' apartment.  
  
"I had never notice how big this place was" she hollered from the living room so he could hear her inside the kitchen.  
"That's cause your eyes immediately went to the naked fat guy living in here" he replied raising his voice as well.  
  
She walked towards the kitchen door and took a look inside. "Your kitchen is bigger than mine!" she said matter-of-factly  
"Well, I bet I use it more than you do" he joked  
"Hey!, it's been 5 years! How do you know I don't cook… for all you know I could be an excellent chef"  
"Are you?" he asked arching his eyebrows  
"Well… no… but I could be" she replied laughing  
"Here" he handed her a coffee cup with a smile "taste it"  
  
She tasted it and it was exactly how she liked it. She couldn't believe he still remembered  
  
"It's perfect, thanks" she smiled shyly.  
  
They both walked out of the kitchen stepped into the living room. Rachel sated on the arm chair as Ross sat on the big brown couch. She put her cup on the coffee table and sighed. She didn't know how to start THE conversation with him and waited until he said something about it.  
  
"How are your parents" she asked to break the silence.  
"Fine. Good actually. Dad retired a couple of years ago and they moved to Florida. Mon wanted to live near the beach, and they were tired of the cold… we see them at least once a month, they come to visit Ben very often."  
"I bet they love him" said Rachel remembering how caring and lovely Ross and Monica's parents were  
"They really do" he let out a small laughter. "Mom says he looked just like me when I was a kid. Dad says he's tougher so he'll be better in sports and all that stuff"  
  
Rachel smiled.   
  
"And how is your mom and your sisters?" he asked politely  
"Fine too. Mom got married again like a year ago. Right before I moved here she moved out London. She's living outside the city in this huge house that looks like a castle. Her husband has a lot of money so she's happy. And so are my sisters. Last time I knew about them Amy was in France with her boyfriend and Jill was in LA trying to become an actress. You know we are not that close"  
"I know"  
"But when I got back to London they were really supportive"  
  
There was a silence. Neither of them knowing how to jump into THAT subject. Rachel looked at her hands and started playing with them after taking another sip of her coffee. Ross watched her wondering if he should ask or maybe wait until she revealed her history.  
  
He sighed. He knew he should be the one starting this, so he closed his eyes and rubbed his temples with his right hand, recollecting thoughts and strength. Looking for the right words.   
  
"The day you left I lost it" he began. She looked up at him without meeting his eyes. She wouldn't be able to anyway. He had his eyes shout. "I woke up, look next to me, and your side of the bed was empty. Somehow deep inside I knew right away you had left" he added.  
  
Rachel remained silent. She knew he wasn't done yet.  
  
He stood up, walked to the book shield and took a picture of Ben from his last birthday that was framed on a small portrait on the top of it.  
  
"I've always thought my kid was conceived with love. The problem was, I wasn't loving his mother the moment it happened" he reflected. "I wanted to hurt you. I wanted to get back at you for leaving me" he confessed "but I couldn't get you out of my head, even when I was having sex with her" he added without turning around to face Rachel.  
  
Rachel was still quiet. There was nothing she could say at the moment.  
  
"She always knew it. I guess that's why she left. She was tired of pretending"   
  
Ross turned around to see Rachel's face but didn't look straight into her; she was looking at him with attention. He walked towards the couch again and sat down.  
  
"What I'm going to say to you it will sound weird, but I've always seen a little bit of you in Ben. Everytime he looks at me with his big blue eyes, I think of yours" he looked down. "Carol never said anything, but I know she felt it too. That's why she didn't take him with her when she left."  
  
Rachel looked down again. There ware so many things he didn't know. There were so many things SHE still didn't know.  
  
"Did you love me?" he finally asked  
  
Rachel lifted up her face to look at him. "Of course I did"  
  
"Did you still love me when you left" he asked again  
"Yes" she replied simply  
"Then why did you leave?" he muttered the question that has been in his head for 5 years. "I've been wrecking my brain trying to figure out what I did wrong"  
"You didn't do anything wrong" she said as her eyes filled with tears. She hated this. She hated not being able to talk to him about her feelings without starting weeping like a baby. "It was me. It was something I needed to do. It hurt too much to be here"  
  
Now he was the one remaining silent.   
  
A few minutes that felt hours went by in the most absolute silence. It was like even the noises from New York City had shouted up all of the sudden.   
  
"Then what happened" he questioned again  
  
Rachel sighed.  
  
"I-I-I…" she trailed. She saw at him giving her a pleading look. She didn't see anger in his deep, beautiful chestnut eyes. She saw pain, she saw doubt, and she saw fear. "I…" she closed her eyes before saying what she was about to reveal. "I was pregnant".  
  
Ross was astonished. "You were… you were… what?... this means I-I have a…"  
"No" she quickly replied.  
  
Ross looked even more confused. "What do you mean 'no'… if you were pregnant then we have… we have a…"  
  
Tears starting rolling down Rachel's cheeks. It was too painful. It was too hard. It was too much.   
  
"I had a miscarriage" she said in a soft, flat voice without raising her eyes. There, she had done it. She had said it. He knew it. "And it was all my fault"  
  
_To be continued..._  
  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
_There it is.... this was the why she left.... how did it happen.... well you'll be finding out in the next chapter which hopefully won't take me so long as this one did :p.... sorry about that.....   
  
Please leave me a REVIEW, this is kind of an important chapter to me and I'd LOVE to know what you thought about it ;)_


	12. Chapter 11 5 years ago

  
  
I'm SO sorry for all the waiting... it's been like a month since I posted the last chapter and I know I promised you I was gonna update more often.... I can't promise you it won't happen again, but I'll try...   
  
For those out there who are worried about it... this is a RnR fic written by me, so they are gonna end up together, and if they don't... I will kick myself, but don't worry, it won't happen...   
  
Thank you for all your kind reviews, really... at first I thought now one was gonna read this fic and it looks like you've been enjoying it =D, thank you again for that....   
  
Now with the story....   
  
And remember, they do not belong to me   
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Overcoming the loneliness – Ch 11 (5 years ago)----It had been two years since Rachel had moved to New York and she was leaving a fairy tale. She knew it. She felt it. Her father had called her 'princess' her entire life but she had never felt like one until now. She was living every girls' fantasy. She had met prince charming and was the apple of his eye.   
For the past two years Ross had made her feel one day more special than the previews one, and she had to admit, sneaking around and dating Ross under her father's nose gave it a sense of danger that made the relationship even more exciting.   
She had decided to keep her relationship with Ross hidden from her father, she knew it would cause some problems, fights and discussion about how "bad" guys were and how they only wanted one thing from girls, and that was exactly what she wanted to avoid. She felt she was old enough to make her own decision but she knew his father would never let her. Ross supported her, but didn't share her point of view. "He would have to deal with the fact that we are together" he had told her a couple of times, but the subject always ended up leading them into a fight and they weren't the fighting kind of couple, so they just left it at that… both knew it was something they had to be aware of but they were already use to it.   
  
Putting her issues with her father aside, Rachel had found in New York a home, a family between her friends, a place where she fitted. She didn't feel alone anymore, how could she? With Ross by her side everything seemed so simple; he made everything simple for her.   
  
That particular night as they cuddled in bed after making love she said:   
  
"I think am happy?"   
  
Ross looked at her tenderly and kissed her forehead. "I'm happy too sweety. I'm always happy after making love to you"   
  
Rachel shook her had. "make love?" she giggled "you sound like a girl"   
"Hey!" he said with a funny voice "don't make fun of me" he added as he started tickling her   
"Stop! Stop! Stop!" she begged between laughs   
"That's what you get for calling me a girl"   
"Yeah I know better now". She kissed him sweetly on the lips.   
  
She rested her head over his chest as she traced his muscles with her index finger. She always felt so safe when she was in his harms. They were her shelter from the world.   
  
"As I was saying before you interrupted me with you girlish comment" she said looking up at him with a mischievous grin on her face. "I'm happy"   
  
Ross contemplated her lovingly for a few seconds and kissed her tenderly on the lips.   
  
She linked fingers with him and closed her eyes, feeling his touch, sensing his smell, hearing his heart.   
  
"I could do this forever" he said   
"Yeah… me too". She kissed his chest   
"Have you ever wondered about our future?"   
"What do you mean?" she asked standing up a bit too look at him straight in the eyes   
"You know… future… what do you think it's going to happen with us?"   
"I-I-I… don't… I don't know" she replied. She had wondered what future would be like with Ross a thousand times, but never even tried talked to him about it. She was afraid. She was always afraid. She had been let down so many times when she was a kid that she had decided not get her hopes high so easily again. She knew this was a dream come true and couldn't help being afraid of the day when dreaming ended.   
"I have… lots of times actually" he confessed kind of shy   
"Really? And what have you thought about?"   
"Well…" he started as he kissed her hair. "I think we are going to move in together… get married after I graduate, and have kids after being married for a couple of years… whenever you are ready, of course… and then… you know… grow old together"   
  
Rachel closed her eyes and smiled   
  
"I like that future" she whispered into his neck "it sounds wonderful"   
"I wanna built a family with you Rach… I'm never letting you go" he said "I'm afraid you are stuck with me for life"   
  
Rachel let go a small laugh. That was exactly what she wanted.   
  
"So… you want kids huh?" she asked   
"Of course… I think I'd make a good father" he replied. "I could teach my kids a lot of interesting stuff"   
"About dinosaurs?"   
"Well…"   
"Oh my God…. Our kids are going to be geeks, aren't they?" she teased   
  
He blushed. He always did when she was the one calling him geek. Somehow it made him feel she was far too beautiful to be with a guy like him.   
  
"I was only joking honey, of course you're gonna make an amazing father… somebody will have to fix up our kids after having me as a mother"   
"What are you talking about Rach, you will be amazing!"   
"Right!, just like my mother was an amazing mother" there was a sarcastic tone in Rachel's voice that Ross caught right away.   
"You are not your mother Rach. Plus, I'm going to be with you all the time" he kissed her head. "What happened to your parents is not going to happen to us… we love each other too much" he assured her as he rubbed her side, finally placing his hand on her waist.   
"I hope not… I don't want to mess my kids up like my mom and dad messed ME up… always scared… always afraid"   
"You are not messed up honey… a bit crazy maybe" he said smiling. "but that's even cute"   
  
Rachel smiled.   
  
"I do want to have kids with you one day…. it's scary thinking about it though"   
"Yeah I know" he kissed her again, this time on the forehead. "And also kind of exciting"   
  
There was a small silence. Rachel sighed.   
  
"I should get going" she said   
"What? Now?"   
"Yeah honey, it's getting really late and dad will be home around 4"   
"Can't you tell him you stayed at Monica's?" he pleaded   
  
Rachel sighed. For 26 months she had been in heaven, but every way to haven had a small stop in hell. In her case it was this kind of situation   
  
"Ross, I used that one last night… I really have to go home today"   
  
Ross looked away. "I'm tired of this Rachel" he said almost in a whisper   
  
"What?" she asked kind of scared   
  
Ross looked back at her and took her hands. "I'm tired of not being able to spend an entire night with you, scared your father would find out about us. I'm tired that you have to lie to him to be with me… why can't we be open about this. You just say it, you are happy… he will be happy if you are happy"   
  
Rachel looked at their hands. She knew he was right. It had been two years and she had never felt more secure about her feelings for him. Probably he was right; probably it was time to come clean with her father.   
  
"Ok… ok…" she said standing up "but I really have to go… if my dad sees me coming home this late nothing we can say to him will make it any easy"   
  
"Ok" he said. "But you promise me you're gonna talk to him"   
  
Rachel sighed again and remained silent for a few seconds   
  
"I promise" she finally said.   
  
Ross copped her face with his hands and kissed sweetly on the lips   
  
"If you want me to do it with you…"   
"No honey, this is something I have to do on my own"   
"Ok, whenever you are ready… I'm not going anywhere"   
  
Rachel smiled. She knew it was true. He wasn't going anywhere; he would always be in her heart standing right next to her.   
  
--------   
  
Leonard Green arrived home around 5 am that morning. For the last 3 weeks, and since he was in charge of the hospital ER, he had been working in the nights shift. He was tired. He looked tired. At his 52 years, staying up until very early in the morning wasn't doing him any good, but it was his job and he loved his job. At least he was able to spend the evenings with his daughter, unless she had classes or was at Monica's.   
It amazed him how much time his daughter spent with her friends. Somehow it made him feel relieved and happy knowing she had someone like Monica to spend some time with and to rely on.   
The only problem about Rachel hanging out with Monica was how close she had become with Ross. He didn't have a particular problem with the boy. He knew Rachel liked him, it was obvious. It was just the possibility of losing his little girl to another man the one that scared him. He knew it would happen eventually. Rachel had become a beautiful woman and so far he had never met any of her boyfriends. It was easier to think she hadn't had any, although he knew for sure that wasn't true.   
  
Dr. Green walked through Rachel's room and opened the door. The bed was empty and undone; however the lights from her bathroom were on. He knocked on the door a little bit worried.   
  
"Are you in there princess?" he asked.   
  
There was a silence followed by the sound of somebody throwing up and then a small whine.   
  
"I'm here" said Rachel through the door.   
  
Dr. Green opened the door and found her leaning over the toilet, looking white as a ghost. He immediately placed his hand over her forehead to check if she had temperature and looked straight in her eyes.   
  
"It's ok daddy" she said backing away. "It must be a flu or something I ate"   
  
Leonard exanimated her for a few more minutes before accepting his daughter's opinion.   
  
"Still, I want you to see somebody tomorrow" he said   
"Daddy… it's nothing!" she protested   
"It could be a virus or food poison… whichever is the case I want you to get checked by a doctor"   
  
They stepped out of the bathroom and back to Rachel's room. She got into bed and Dr Green sited next to her caressing her head.   
  
Rachel smiled. She felt like a kid again.   
  
--------   
  
"Yeah mom" said Monica on the phone. "No mom, I'm not getting one of those things" she listened. "I don't need a cell phone mom". She listened again. "I'd call you from a payphone". Monica looked around; she was so tired of her mother controlling her life, even when she was already living on her own. "Ross has the money mom, I don't…" she protested.   
  
That moment, Rachel stormed into the apartment completely freaked out; there just wasn't another word for what she was going through.   
  
"Mom, I'd have to call you back, can't talk to you right now, bye bye" she said quickly looking at the worried look on her friend's face. "What's the matter?" she asked still holding the phone in her hands. "Sweety, you look as pale as a paper, what happened?"   
  
Rachel sat on the big couch in the living room and closed her eyes. She hugged a pillow that was lying next to her and sighed. She was so scared.   
  
Monica sat right next to her and looked at her face, trying to figure out what was going through her friend's mind this time.   
  
"Well?" asked again Monica   
  
"I'm late" answered Rachel with her eyes closed. "I think…. I think I'm pregnant" she added as she opened her eyes. Monica noticed they were filled with tears. "And-and I CAN'T be pregnant!, my dad would kill me… he would kill Ross… I know that for sure"   
  
"But… are you sure? Or are you just guessing cause you're late…" asked Monica, trying to sound as calm as she could, freaking out wouldn't help Rachel a bit   
  
"I-I-I'm guessing…" said Rachel. "I've been pucking my guts out every morning for the past week… and to make it even worst my dad found me throwing up in the bathroom this morning and now wants me to see a doctor. Plus I should have gotten my period like 3 weeks ago and I've been feeling kind of dizzy lately… so it's just putting 2 and 2 together"   
"But did you take a test?"   
""Well… I took one… but I haven't looked at it… I'm too scared"   
"OK, I'll see it… give me…"   
  
Rachel opened her purse and took out a white box. Monica took the box from Rachel's hand and opened it, taking a white stick out of it. She looked at it closely and then looked at the back of the box   
  
"So?" asked Rachel closing her eyes. The tension was becoming unbearable.   
"It's-it's…" Monica spoke. "It's positive"   
  
Rachel's face fell. She still held a tiny hope that her suspicious were wrong. This was such a big slap on her face, she felt so not ready to become a mom. And her dad… well… she didn't even want to think about it. She still had to tell him she was with Ross…   
  
"I-I-I… I… I can't" muttered Rachel, standing up from the couch   
"Rach… uhm… first of all… sit down, take a deep breath and try to calm down"   
"Calm down?" asked Rachel completely out of her mind "How the HELL do you want me to calm down?!"   
"Freaking out won't do you or the baby any good… you have a human being growing up inside you!!"   
"EXACTLY!!" yelled Rachel as she passed around Monica's living room. "I am 20 years old, haven't finished college and I am pregnant!!... I don't have a job… and… and Ross is on his senior year, unemployed as well… yeah… I have NOTHING to freak out about…. Oh My God!!... and my dad doesn't even know we are together!!"   
  
"He doesn't?" asked Monica completely lost. "But I thought you had told him… I mean… didn't you and Ross agree…"   
"Yes, yes, yes we did… but I haven't found the courage to do it yet…" Rachel sighed "Ross is gonna be so mad". She was now crying. " I screw up all of our plans with this"   
"Honey, come on… you've been over this thing with your father for months, I don't think he'll get mad now…"   
  
Rachel shook her head and finally followed her friend's advice to sit down, looking and feeling completely lost   
  
"I wasn't talking about that" she said. "I was talking about this" she added placing her hand over her belly. "He hasn't even graduated Mon"   
  
Monica smiled tenderly at her friend. "You don't really think Ross will get mad at you for getting pregnant, do you?"   
"I-I don't know" replied Rachel between snobs   
"Rach, sweety, you, better than anyone, know Ross isn't one of 'those guys'. He loves you too much to let you do this on your own… he will be more than happy to know you're gonna make him a father"   
  
Rachel smiled weakly. "He's gonna be such a wonderful father"   
  
"See?... plus in a couple of months he will graduate, and if everything goes well with that interview he has today at the museum he will have a job… you'll be starting your family together, a little earlier than planned… but who cares?". Monica was now very excited. She knew Ross would be happy with the baby news, probably a little scared, but excited, specially knowing that it would be something he would do with Rachel   
  
Rachel smiled again, this time as widely as she could, while her tears-filled eyes started to shine with happiness. Maybe this was the start of her family with Ross. She couldn't help smiling now. She wanted to run to him that very same moment to tell him   
  
"Oh my God Mon!!... I hadn't… I hadn't thought about it that way… I mean… it's going to be hard but…" she couldn't help giggling as she pictures Ross changing diapers. "I need to tell him right now!"   
"But he's not home hun… he had an early class today, remember?"   
"You're right… damn it…" Rachel sat again, feeling full of energy, ready to face everything the future held for her.   
  
"Do you have something to it? I'm starving" said Rachel   
Monica smiled "So I assume you're gonna start eating for two?!"   
"Of course… or do you want your little niece of nephew to come out all thin and sick?"   
  
Monica's eyes were the ones watering now. "I'm gonna be an aunt!!" she said as she started crying. "We are gonna be really related…!!"   
"I know!!" said Rachel. With each passing moment she discovered new reasons to have and love this baby growing inside her. Now she couldn't remember why she was so scared a couple of minutes ago. It just didn't make sense now.   
  
Monica and Rachel sat for about an hour talking about names and planes for the baby. Rachel had already named her godmother and the one in charge of throwing her a shower in a couple of months.   
  
--------   
  
"Mon, I'm so worried" said Rachel to her friend as they entered to the hospital.   
"Why?"   
"What if there's something wrong with the baby? Or what if I'm not pregnant?"   
  
Monica smiled. Rachel had certainly changed her mind about the baby quickly. "Relax hun. If you are not pregnant… well, that would save you a couple of problems. Plus you can always start trying" she said with a wink. "I bet that will be fun"   
  
Both girls giggled as they approached to the counter where a thin little woman with dark hair and brown eyes was talking on the phone.   
  
"Wait a minute" she said to the telephone. "May I help you?"   
"Yeah" said Rachel. "I have an appointment with Dr. Weasly at 3"   
"What's your name miss?"   
"Rachel Green"   
"Right, Dr. Green's daughter. Dr. Weasly will see you as soon as he's done with the patient he's seeing now. You can sit there while you wait"   
"Thank you very much" said Rachel as she and Monica walked to sit on the chairs in the waiting area.   
  
"Still nervous?" asked Monica   
"Yeah, I don't like doctors" answered Rachel. "Plus I've been having this really weird bad feeling all the way here that I can't get rid of"   
"Come on sweety, it's nothing"   
"I know, but still… this is maybe the first time I'm gonna look at my baby, I wish Ross was here"   
  
"Miss Green?" asked a very handsome red haired man from one of the doors near the chairs where Rachel and Monica were sited.   
  
Rachel stood up and smiled at Monica, who was left alone in the waiting area. She also had a weird gut feeling that increased by Rachel's smile as she walked into the Dr's office. She also wished Ross was there.   
  
"So… your father told me you'd been feeling sick lately" asked Dr. Weasly with a smile. He couldn't be older than 30, Rachel thought.   
"Yeah" she simply answered. "I think I may be pregnant" she confessed.   
  
"You do?... well, that'd explain the throwing up, huh?" he said in a friendly way that made Rachel feel comfortable. "I bet you want to take a look at that baby"   
  
Rachel nodded.   
  
Rachel and Dr. Weasly left the office from a back door and entered to a white hallway that looked more like a secret entrance. Rachel smiled again, she was about to see her baby. She wished Ross was there holding her hand, kissing her forehead like he normally did when she was nervous, and telling her everything was going to be ok. She needed him so badly.   
  
"Ok Rachel, you can take your clothe off, put on this robe and we'll take a look at this baby you say you're having" Dr Weasly said smiling before leaving the room.   
  
After changing into the robe, Rachel sat on the examining table with her legs in the stirrups feeling incredibly comfortable, but still a bit scared. She wanted to go home, the last thing she needed was running into her father, especially in a situation like this.   
  
She saw how Dr. Weasly entered the room with the same warm smile he had before. He looked completely different to Ross, but somehow the kindness of his smile reminded her of him and made her feel secure.   
  
He sat on a chair next to her and started looking at the screen in front of him.   
  
"Well Rachel, it looks like you are gonna be a mom" he said cheerfully. "Congratulations"   
  
Rachel's eyes watered. She was indeed pregnant. Her eyes wondered all around the screen, trying to catch a glimpse of what could look like a baby.   
  
"See that little thing there?" he pointed a small white dot that looked like a peanut. Rachel nodded. "That's your baby. Your about 4 or 5 weeks pregnant I'd say" he added. "I'm gonna give you some time alone, you can change if you want"   
  
Rachel was left alone in the room once again. She contemplated the screen for a few minutes feeling a bit different. She placed both of her hands on her stomach, trying to feel the new life growing inside other.   
  
"We are gonna love you so much" she whispered.   
  
--------   
  
"So Ronald, what was it?" Rachel heard a familiar voice asking at the other side of the door. She had been changing into her clothes when she heard Dr Weasly and another person walking into the office   
"You're gonna be a grandpa' Leonard" she heard Dr Weasly answering in the same cheerful tone he had talked to her.   
  
She paled.   
  
"What?" asked Dr. Green, as Rachel opened the door and looked at her father scared. That wasn't the way she wanted her father to find out. 'Damn Dr Weasly' she thought. But the damage was already done and she had to face the consequences. She only wished Ross was there.   
  
"Ronald, can you leave us alone? I need to have a word with my daughter!" he said very serious, giving Rachel the coldest stare she had ever seen.   
  
Dr. Weasly looked from Rachel to Dr. Green understanding quickly what was going on. He nodded and hurried himself out of the office.   
  
Rachel sat on the chair next to the desk feeling tense. Probably more than any other time she could remember.   
Dr. Green started passing around the room, deep in thoughts, with his eyes fixed on the floor.   
  
"You're pregnant!?" asked Leonard Green, lifting his head to look at his daughter in the eyes, making it sound more like an accusation than a question.   
  
Rachel nodded, not able to articulate a word. The fright she had felt that morning when she arrived to Monica's apartment came rushing back.   
  
"Who's the father?" he asked this time, still with the same harsh tone   
"R-Ross" she replied softly and in a barely audible voice.   
  
Leonard let go a sarcastic laugh. "Of course" he said "Didn't I warn you about him?" still in the same inquisitor tone   
  
"Dad… it's not like tha-"   
"IT'S NOT LIKE THAT HUH?" he cut her out. "So you're gonna tell me you're still a virgin?"   
"Dad!" Rachel cried. "This wasn't a one time thing!, we've been together for 3 years" she yelled   
  
Dr Green stopped passing around and kept his eyes fixed on her. His eyes filled with hatred.   
  
"And if you hadn't been so DAMN selfish you would have known!!" she added. "He's a good guy daddy, he loves me so much, and I love him too. If you took some time to get to know him…"   
"I'M NOT INTERESTED IN KNOWING THE GUY WHO JUST RUINED MY DAUGHTER'S LIFE!!" Dr Green was the one yelling now.   
"He didn't ruin my life, he changed it…!!"   
  
"YOU ARE NOT HAVING THIS BABY!!". Leonard Green supported his body with his both hands on the desk. An uncomfortable heat was bashing him, and suddenly breathing became as difficult and painful as not breathing at all. He unbuttoned the first two buttons of his shirt and loosed his tie.   
  
"I'M NOT GETTING RID OF IT!!" yelled Rachel standing up, unaware of what her father was going through. "This is my family!!"   
"YOU ARE 20 YEARS OLD RACHEL FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!! What kind of family can you form when you're 20 years old!!" he yelled back   
  
"You married mom when you were 20!"   
"Because I had to, not because I wanted to!!, and look what happened to us!!"   
"I'm not my mother and Ross is not you!!, we love each other. I'm having this baby and I don't care what you have to say about it!!" she screamed so loud she was sure the whole building had heard her.   
  
A tearing pain crossed Leonard's chest as he fell to the floor gasping for air.   
  
Rachel saw her father vanishing behind the desk. She run to him and held his hand, her vision blurred by the tears.   
  
"Help!!" she screamed with all the strength she had left. "HELP!!"   
  
A group of nurses and doctors came bursting into the room. Rachel heard them whispering about a heart attack but couldn't see what they were doing, in a matter of seconds they were putting him on a stretcher and taking him to some other place Rachel knew nothing about. She was numb. Unable to react. Petrified. Scared.   
  
"… you better go to the waiting area, you can't stay here. I'll let you know if something change"   
  
Rachel saw Dr. Weasly standing in front of her talking, but she couldn't understand or even hear a word he said.   
  
"Huh?" she was completely lost   
"You better go to the waiting area" he repeated. "I'll keep you inform"   
  
Rachel nodded. "Right" she said with a distant look   
  
--------   
  
Everything had happened so fast. One minute she was yelling at her father things she had only to say to him in her mind, and the next he was fighting for his life. "You're not having this baby" – "What kind of family can you form when you are 20?" his father's last words repeated over and over and over again in her head.   
Everything was her fault. She knew it. She felt it. She should have listened to Ross all the times he told her she needed to talk to her father or it would make everything worst. She always had to take the wrong decisions, learn in the hard way when she was mistaken. Well, this time it had gone a little too far, her father's life was on the edge; and all because of her immaturity and fright against life. Now she was more scared than ever.   
  
"I talked to Chandler" said Monica sitting next to Rachel.   
  
Rachel hadn't move or talked since a nurse brought her there. She hadn't even explained to Monica what had happened. She was too scared to even speak. Dr Weasly, who had been in the room one hour ago to inform Rachel they were performing a heart surgery on her father because one of the arteries was completely blocked and his heart wasn't getting enough blood, explained to Monica the events that had taken place a few minutes after. She immediately run to a pay phone to get a hold on her brother, tell him what was going on and telling him Rachel needed him now more than ever. Unfortunately, he had his cell phone off.   
  
"Chandler said he's meeting Ross at Central Perk in ten minutes. As soon as he gets there they'll be on their way here" Monica explained   
  
Rachel's expression didn't change   
  
Dr. Weasly came into the room once again. His warm smile was gone and he looked like in one hour he had aged 10 years. He looked exhausted. Defeated. Destroyed.   
  
Rachel stood up and so did Monica. Both approached to the doctor, who was looking at them ashamed, almost afraid.   
  
"I'm sorry Rachel" was all she could hear. She knew he had said something else, but the minute those words slipped the doctor's lips the pain was too strong to hear anything else. It run through all her body like a million knifes cutting her skin from the inside.   
  
It burned. It hurt. It blinded. It killed.   
  
She saw blood.   
  
Then everything went black.  
  
_TO BE CONTINUE....  
  
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_Sorry to leave you there guys.... but if I didn't stop you would have had to wait even longer for this chapter and that wasn't the idea.... please remember to leave me a review, your words mean a lot to me ;)_


	13. Chapter 12 5 years ago

I bet you all thought I had forgotten this fic again.... I didn't... I really want to finnish this... really, I hate leaving things half way done, specially when it's something I'm interested in... like a RnR story....  
  
Now this chapter will seem a lot more dark, that's one of the reasons why it took me so long to write, plus here the story finally comes to a full circle, so I wanted to make clear Rachel's reasons to leave...  
  
As you know, this characters don't belong to me, although I'd gladly take a Ross =).... please remember to keep reviewing, cause that's what makes me really want to carry on with this story even if it takes me a whole month to update... just knowing that people is reading is enough for me... ENJOY  
  
----Overcoming the loneliness – Ch 12 (5 years ago)----  
  
We all born and die alone, but spend our entire life trying to fight our nature, scared of loneliness, scared of waking up one day to realize we are completely on our own. Scared of having to face reality. Scared to realize there's no else out there for us, that loneliness is our destiny.  
  
Rachel opened her eyes to find herself lying on a completely strange bed, in an unknown room, confused, scared and in pain. She felt like she had just been beaten to dead. Every inch of her body soared. Even breathing had become a hard and painful task.  
She looked around, her sight still blurry, to find there was nobody in the room beside her. She wanted to scream, but she couldn't open her mouth, all her strength had drifted away of her body and she wasn't able to articulate a word. She wanted to stand up and run away from that place that felt like a prison, but her body wasn't responding. She started crying, not sure if actual tears were coming out of her eyes, but feeling like she was. She was so lost, she felt so lost. She didn't want to be alone.  
  
Monica walked into the room looking down. She passed from one side of the room to the other, not noticing Rachel was awake. "Damn it Ross, where are you?" she mutter every now and then as she watched her watch. She walked to Rachel's bed, who's eyes were fixed on her, and sat on the chair right next to it looking every where but into Rachel's direction. She couldn't bare the image of her best friend lying in a bed like that, specially not after how happy and cheered she had been that morning. "My mom was right… I should really get a cellphone" she said to herself.  
  
"M… Mon…" Rachel managed to say with a voice she couldn't recognize like hers.   
"Rach!! You are awake!!" exclaimed Monica as she tried to smile. "I'm gonna call the doctor" she added before running out of the room, leaving Rachel alone once again.  
  
Rachel slowly started to feel how her body filled with energy once more. Her breathing became more natural, although her body still soared.  
Along with her energy, memories came back too, as flashes of what looked like a dream. The discussion with her father, the heart attack, the dead… "dead" she thought, placing her hands on her flat stomach  
  
"My baby" she whispered  
  
Dr Weasley came into the room followed by Monica. If it hadn't been for his red hair, Rachel would have never recognized the man she had met a couple of hours ago. He looked like a completely different man. Older. Colder. Distant.  
  
"It's good to see you are awake Rachel" he said, trying to regain his cheerful tone, but sounding a bit apathetic  
  
Rachel just closed her eyes a couple of times in agreement  
  
"Do you remember what happened right after you fainted?" he asked as he took her pulse.  
  
Rachel blinked again.  
  
Dr. Weasley stood in silence studding her face. "I'm afraid to inform you you lost the baby Rachel" he spoke after a few minutes.  
  
There was a dead silence. Rachel only heard Monica sobbing at the other side of the room. She looked at Dr Weasley for a brief moment and then focused her gaze beyond him, to the window outside. She wished she was invisible, she wished she could fly away from there, she wished this whole thing was just one big awful dream, that she could just wake up next to Ross so he could kiss her fears away.   
  
"See… in conditions of several emotional stress your body frees a hormone, named oxytocin, to compensate the abruptly decrees of lithium. In normal conditions this allows you to keep going even during a strong stress state. However, a high amount of this hormone in the blood is very dangerous for pregnant women. We believe that is what caused you the miscarriage".  
  
Rachel didn't answer. She had just lost her father and her baby and this jackass was telling her about a hormone. What the HELL could she do with that?! Would that explain why all this was happening to her? Would that explanation bring her old life back? It only sounded like a big joke to her. A big, sick, cruel and horrendous joke that destiny was pulling on her  
  
Dr Weasley caught her distant look. He knew nothing he could say was going to make her feel any better and that she still was very weak, so he decided to drop the subject for her own good.  
  
"Anyway, I'd like to talk to the father to-"  
"DON'T" interrupted Rachel with a voice that sounded more like hers. "He doesn't have to know". She had taken her eyes off the window and was looking at the doctor once again  
"What?!" asked Monica from the distance  
"He doesn't need this" said Rachel, now looking at Monica  
"It was his baby too!!"  
  
Rachel's eyes returned to the window and got lost into the velvet sky.  
  
"He doesn't need to suffer for something he never had" she said as her eyes filled with tears. She sighed. "What kind of family can you form when you are 20?" she bitter sweetly repeated her father's words  
  
"But Rach…" Monica protested  
"Monica, please" she begged as the tears escaped from her eyes. "Don't make this any harder"  
  
Monica looked at her friend lying on the bed and her heart squeezed. She was Ross' sister and she knew he deserved to know. But deep inside something told her Rachel may be right. Maybe not knowing about the lost of a baby he never had was the best that could happen. Rachel needed him to remain strong, she needed someone to rely on, someone who could be her support and give strength to go through all this. He didn't have to know. At least not know.  
  
"Ok, if that's what you want" said Monica. "But you have to understand-"  
"I do Mon… I just can't do it now"  
"Alright then…"  
  
"He won't find out then" said Dr Weasley again forcing a smile Rachel wished he hadn't. She hated to feel his pity.  
  
"When can I go home?" she asked  
"We still need to keep you here under observation, at least until tomorrow"  
"Alright" she said. She didn't have a place to go anymore anyway  
  
--------  
  
"Would you please calm down? I don't think killing ourselves would help Rachel much" said Chandler as he looked outside the car window with a panic look. Ross had taken his car and now was driving like he was in a car race.  
  
"I need to get to her Chandler… I need to see her" he said in despair  
  
"I know you do man, but there's not much we could do right now, is there?"  
Ross looked around; they had been stopped by a red light, and sighed.  
  
"I guess there's not" he finally said.  
  
He felt so impotent. While Rachel was lying on a hospital bed God knew why, he was stuck in traffic. He hadn't been able to be with her when her father had the heart attack or when she got the news of his death. He had promised himself a thousand times he would always be there for her, to protect her, to shelter her from everything and support her whenever she needed him. And he had failed, he hadn't been able to be her hero, he hadn't been able to rescue her, he hadn't been able to save her world from trembling. Everything because a stupid interview in the museum that had taken longer than he expected.  
  
"Ross, Mon is with her, she's not alone" Chandler was trying the hardest to comfort his friend, and somehow comfort himself as well  
  
Ross looked at the red light in anger before pressing the horn once again. He needed to get to Rachel.  
  
--------  
  
Ross busted into Rachel's room soaking. It had started raining and he had decided to step out of the car, leaving Chandler to deal with it, as he finished the rest of the way running.  
He hurried himself to her bad and saw she was sleeping. She always looked like an angel when she slept, even now, with her tired and very paled face. He felt so guilty for letting her go through this misery alone. He knew how much she loved her father and could only imagine what she had gone through a couple of hours ago, but there was no way he could ever know. He had no idea she had been in hell and was still there. He had no idea she had lost a little bit more than her father that day. He had no idea she had also lost herself.  
  
She opened her eyes just to see a tall and dark figure standing next to her. She realized it was him the minute she saw his eyes. She still felt weak, all the energy she had regained a moment ago during her talk with the doctor, had gone away after falling asleep once again.  
  
He smiled at her, took her hand and leaned in to kiss her forehead.  
  
Rachel had needed that kiss all day long.  
  
"You are all wet" she said with a weak voice  
"Shhhh" he placed his index finger on her lips "It's raining and I run for like 20 blocks to get here, the traffic was impossible" he explained. "I'm so sorry for not being here sweety" he lowed his head apologetic and let go of her hand. "I'm so sorry"  
  
Rachel felt her eyes watering; she had needed him so much that day, probably more than ever. With him there everything would have gone so differently. If she had only listened to him every time he told her about coming clean with her father before it was too late. Now it was too late.  
  
"It's ok honey" she said touching his face. "How could you know?"  
  
He lifted his head and looked her in the eyes for a couple of seconds, placing his hand over hers. She quickly took her eyes away from his. She didn't want him to look through her, she didn't want him to notice how disgusting and dirty she felt. She didn't want him to see she was a murderer.  
  
He kissed her softly on the lips and stroked her hair for a while. Both reminded silent. Rachel was thankful he wasn't making any questions, she felt blessed that he was just there with her. It was more than she deserved, that was for sure.  
  
A thousand things run through Ross's mind. Questions, tears, kisses, consolation phrases. He knew nothing he could say or do would relieve her pain. He had seen more pain in her eyes the second he could caught her look than he had seen in anybody's soul in his 22 years of life. He knew there was something else, he felt there was something else, but decided not to say a word, it would be worthless.  
  
--------  
  
Chandler walked into the hospital and saw Monica standing in the entrance hall, her gaze lost into the distance. He walked towards her and stood right next to her without saying a word. He was very worried about Rachel, that was for sure, but Monica had been his main concerned since he got off the phone with her the last time. "RACHEL!!! THERE WAS BLOOD EVERYWHERE!!! YOU HAVE TO HURRY" she had screamed hysterical into the phone.  
  
"Hey" he finally said after a few minutes of silence  
"Hey" replied Monica with a voice as distant as her look  
"How's Rachel?" he asked  
"She's hanging in there" she answered. "Her father died though"  
"I know, you told me"  
  
There was another silence. Monica turned around and walked to the cafeteria. Chandler followed her quickly.  
  
They occupied one of the tables in the place as Chandler got them a strong cup of black coffee. He figured she would need someone to talk to, she looked pretty affected with Rachel's father's death, more than he thought she would.  
  
"How are you?" he finally asked her, handing her the cup of coffee  
  
She sighed. "I don't know" she answered looking at the hot liquid in the white plastic glass. "It was horrible" she added shaking her head with the eyes closed. "Rachel just…" her eyes watered and she started crying.  
  
"Shh… it's alright… I bet it must have been horrible for her loosing her father like that, all of the sudden…"  
  
Monica shook her head again. "That's not it" she said. "Rachel was pregnant"  
  
"What?!" asked shocked Chandler. "Does… does Ross know?"  
"No, he doesn't… and he won't know"  
"Wha… why?"  
"Rachel lost the baby when she found out her father had died"  
  
Chandler remained silent  
  
"She doesn't want to tell Ross yet…" she explain "so don't tell him anything until she's ready to tell him, ok?"  
  
He looked at her and nodded. "S-sure…"  
  
--------  
  
It was a dark and awful day. Rachel hadn't slept a single night for the past 2 days since she left the hospital. She had stayed at Monica's, but Ross had been by her side every single moment, stroking her hair, kissing her forehead, hugging her, wiping her tears and not letting her fall apart, keeping her together, or as together as she could be. She still felt she didn't deserve all the love and support he was giving her, but accepted it grateful, knowing for sure that once she was strong enough to tell Ross the whole truth she may also loose him too.  
  
"Are you ready to go sweety?" asked Monica from the door.  
  
Rachel nodded. She was as ready as you could be to witness your father been buried on a box, she thought. Of course she wasn't ready, how could she?  
  
Ross walked into the room and hugged her, strongly but sweetly like he always did. It was his way to give her a little strength, to assure her he would be right next to her to support her, held her and even cry with her if that's what she needed.  
  
The memorial service had been short. Rachel didn't feel like standing in one corner to hear how sorry other people were for her lost for much longer. She found it pathetic, disgusting and nerve wracking. There she was, going through one of the most horrible things in her life, only wanting to be locked up in her room, away from everything and everyone, and all this people she hadn't seen in her lifetime could only say how sorry THEY were, like that would make anything better, like their "support" could turn back time.  
  
"I know it looks hard right now, but it will get better. You have you whole life ahead" had told her a woman around her mother's age. Will it get better? Really? Rachel found it hard to believe.  
  
Few of the people who assisted to the memorial service went to the cemetery. Rachel thought it was better this way, only people she knew cared about here were there: Monica, Chandler, Rosa and Ross. Not even her mother or her sisters had shown up. Not that she cared anyway.  
  
As the coffin sank deeper and deeper into the earth, she felt how her life got buried there too. She felt like she was the one inside the coffin, and everything around her was cover with dirt.  
  
She hadn't blamed Ross about anything; she kept telling herself it wasn't his fault, that all that was happening was all hers. Her had decisions had lead her to this moment. But that second, standing right there, anger started to fill her. Anger against him, against her, against her father, against the world. Her father had never liked him, yet she had dated him anyway. The heart attack had happened because she revealed she was pregnant with his child. It was so easy to blame him. But it only took her to catch one of his gazes to realize how wrong she was. Ross loved her so much, so very much. He had proved it over the years and he was proving it right now, just by being there, just by respecting her like he did. Knowing her like he did, loving her like that.  
  
She let go of his embrace and walked away from the small crew of people gathering around her father's grave. Monica had wanted to go after her, but Ross stopped her. He knew she needed sometime alone, and he was willing to give her all the time she needed. Rachel, on the other hand, had just taken a decision, and this time it was the right one. She couldn't stay there. It was too painful. She was a mess, no one deserved to lead with a screw up girl like her. Especially not Ross.  
  
--------  
  
Ross and Rachel walked into Chandler and Ross's apartment across Monica's. He helped her with her coat and poured a glass of milk from the fridge.  
  
Rachel looked at him and left the glass in the counter without tasting it  
"Come on sweety, you're gonna get sick" he pleaded  
  
Rachel didn't answer. He was right. But she wanted to get sick. Starve to death if it was necessary.  
  
"I don't want milk" she simply said  
  
Ross sighed. She had rejected everything he and Monica had offerec for the last 2 days.  
  
"Rach… Rachel please… I'm SO worried about you" he said hugging her. Her arms didn't move. She didn't hug him back, but he didn't seem to care, he didn't need her to show him anything, he only wanted to make sure she knew how much he loved her. "We'll make it through this, I swear" he kissed her forehead. "You are not alone sweety, you'll never be. I'm here to take care of you. I promise"  
  
She finally hugged him back and started crying again.  
  
"We should put you in bed" he stroked her hair lovingly. "Why don't you stay here tonight… and for a while… I'm sure Chandler won't mind"  
  
She just nodded.  
  
He smiled.  
  
"I'll call Rosa to tell her to pack some of your stuff and bring it here, alright?"  
  
She nodded again before leaving for his room.  
  
Ross stood in the living room looking at his bedroom door for one minute or two. There was something about the look she had given him in the graveyard that scared him to dead, and it was the same glow that had seen in her eyes that very same moment. Everything she said and did felt like a goodbye. And he was afraid of facing his life without her.  
  
He walked into his room and saw her lying on her side of the bed with her clothes on. He walked to his closet and took a t-shirt out of it. Walked to her side and handed it to her. Quickly she stood up, undressed and put the t-shirt on.  
  
"Would you lay next to me?" She asked once she was already under the covers  
"Of course"  
  
Ross took of his shirt and his pants, and got in bed next to her just in his boxers.  
  
She turn to face him and run her hand though his naked chest.  
  
"I love you" she whispered, cuddling closer to him. "Thank you very much. For everything"  
  
The feeling of all this being a good bye filled him once again, but quickly he brush it away. She wasn't going anywhere, and if she was, he wouldn't let her go alone… he would follow her to hell if it was needed.  
  
"I love you too honey, more than words can describe" he whispered into her hear.   
  
She knew it was true… and for the first time in days she drift into sleep, right next to the only person she wanted to protect and safe from her messed up life. The same person who was trying to protect her from everything but the one thing that was killing her. Herself.  
  
--------  
  
Rachel woke up and looked at the watch on Ross's nightstand. It was 11:30 pm. He was asleep. For the last 3 days he had slept probably as much as she had, maybe less, so he was beaten.  
She knew what she was going to do, and had to do it quick.  
  
Rachel got off the bed slowly and silently. Took off the shirt she always wore to sleep when she stayed there and put her clothe once again. Slowly, she exited from his room, locking the door.  
  
On the counter, right next to the phone, were a little notebook and a pen. She took them and stared at the white paper for about a minute before starting writing.  
  
Ross,  
I'm sorry… I can't give you the one thing you want the most and that's killing me. I can't stay here. I can't do this.  
  
Love you forever, Rachel.  
  
And without looking back she left the apartment, the building, the country and her life.  
  
To be continue....  
  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------   
  
So that's it... I had to write a short note, you have no idea how much that took me. I knew I had wrote something about it in one of the first chapters, so I had to read the whole thing again...  
  
I know at the start of the chapter I said I tried to make Rachel's reasons for leave clear, but she was very confused... it was an impulse, that's what I really wanted to show here...  
  
PLEASE, KEEP REVIEWING, it is very important to me, specially cause there's only one or two more chapters left and I could really use some help right now =S...   
  
Take care...


	14. Chapter 13 Nowdays

Yes… I haven't forgotten about this fic… it just that a lot of stuff had happened since the last time I updated… school kept me really busy this year, but I'm done with it… and one of my new years resolutions was finishing this story, so here I am ), back in action.

---Overcoming the loneliness – Ch 13 (Nowdays)---

That day was a big blur in her head. How had she arrived to her apartment was a big question mark. The lapse of time between telling Ross about the pregnancy and that same moment was completely erased. She left his apartment like a ghost, that wasn't her life; the one sitting in her apartment floor wasn't her. It was just a body without a soul, the soul, she had thought had died 5 years ago, died that day again, right after watching the confusion and pain in Ross's eyes

"Wha… what?" he had asked, completely lost.

She hadn't been able to really explain to him what had happened 5 years ago. She couldn't relive that awful day once again and make him see her real reason to leave him. It hadn't been cause she didn't love him, cause back then he was he only owner of her heart, body and soul, not that all of that had changed in all this time they'd been apart anyway. Not once she had felt the same way. Not once she had been kissed or touched the way he used to kiss her and touch her, and she knew she never will be, she knew that the minute she took that plane. Completeness was what she had left behind.

Slowly, Rachel got up from the floor and headed to her room that was still filled with boxes. She had been back in New York for about 3 weeks and still hadn't fully unpacked. The place looked more like the apartment of a person who was about to move out than the one of somebody who had just moved in. it have the feeling she was ready to leave any minute, and she probably was. That day more than ever.

But she couldn't leave; she couldn't keep running away like this. She needed to heal, she needed to let go. And that place was the right place to do it, that was the right way, for her, for him, even for her father's memory. She needed to allow herself to be happy again, 'because the way she was living was killing her, and she didn't want to die. She had taken the decision of been free. She wanted freedom from all of her demons. She had taken the hard, painful and bumpy road that ended in paradise, or at least that was what she hoped, and wasn't going to stop now.

* * *

Ross wondered around his apartment for about an hour not knowing what to do or how to react. Rachel had just dropped an atomic bomb over him and he just felt so lost. She had just stood up and left, right after revealing him the miscarriage. He had decided not to follow her or even insisting in knowing how or why, or the biggest question of all, why she didn't tell him. He still need the need to protect her and hadn't been able to demand the explanation he so deadly needed.

For the last 5 years, the most unbelievable theories had run through his mind, answering the "why she had left" question. He never thought that for a few days the woman he loved had a baby of his inside her. If he had known, he'd have taken so good care of her and the baby. If he'd known he never would have allowed her to talk to her father about them alone, like she did. He'd have stood right next to her, like she had probably needed so badly.

Suddenly it hit him. That must have been the conversation she had with her father. That must have been the revelation that lead them into a fight. That must have been the reason why she felt so guilty. Guilt. That had been the spark in her eyes those days before she left. Guilt had taken her away from him.  
Ross felt the need to run to Rachel's apartment, to tell her nothing of that had been her fault. Not the baby, not her father's death, not the miscarriage, not even leaving him. It had been just destiny. It had been just a travel of events that had taken the wrong way. It had been just their luck. Just loneliness trying to win them over, and he wasn't going to give up so easily.

* * *

She hadn't been in that place in 5 years. She hadn't seen those trees, smelled that air, or felt that wind on her face since the day her father had been left there, along with will to stay there. She never thought she'd be able to come back, but just like she had been doing since she met Ben in her building hallway, she was facing her diamonds, fighting her fears and healing her wounds.

The last time she had been there Ross's arms had been locked around her body. Now she was on her own, covered by an expensive designer coat she didn't even remember buying. That was her life now. A strong shelter didn't protect her anymore; she didn't have a place to run to. It was just her, dressed only with her skin, covered only by a designer coat, feeling completely naked and unprotected against the world.

She looked down at her father's gave

Leonard F. Green  
1947 – 1998  
Beloved father

'Beloved father'. She hadn't noticed that written the first time. She smiled. In spite of all she had always been daddy's little girl. Listening to every single one of his advices, except when they involved Ross. She had never listened to anyone when it was about Ross. Sometimes she wished she had. Some others she was happy she didn't. Most of the time she just missed those times really badly.

She kneeled down and placed the flowers she had been carrying

"I know you never were a big fan of flowers, but I just thought bringing you lilies would remind you of me" she said softly.

"I'm so sorry daddy" she added as she started to cry. Not able to hold it anymore. "I'm sorry you had to find out about me and Ross that way" she tried to talk between tears. "I'm sorry I was so rude to you. I'm sorry for not listening to you. I'm sorry for disappointing you" she cried. "But I'm not sorry for Ross… I'm just sorry for breaking his heart and making our lifes miserable".

Rachel stood up and whipped away her tears. Wrapped herself with her arms and looked to the sky. "I'm sorry for having been so weak. I'm sorry for being scared of everything. I'm sorry for always being such a coward"

"You are not weak, and definitely not a coward" Rachel heard a familiar voice saying from behind. She didn't turn around. She didn't want to. It probably was just her mind playing games. "You are the bravest woman I've ever known"

She let go a small chuckle that sounded rather sarcastic. "Right. That's why I keep running away".

She finally turned around and saw Ross standing a few feet away from her. It wasn't her imagination after all.

"You are still here, aren't you?" he asked with a smile. "That takes a lot of courage".

He was dressed with a black suit, a white shirt and a black tie, with a long coat covering his elegant outfit. He looked distinguee, elegant, grown up, she thought. So different to that kid that had stood next to her the last time she had been there.

"What are you doing here?"  
"I thought I could find you here" he answered, approaching to where she was standing.

She backed away.

"Ross… I…"  
"Don't worry, I'm not here to ask you anything, I just wanted to know if you were ok"

Rachel sighed. That question was even harder than any other he could have asked. 

"I don't really know" she confessed, lowing her gaze. "I always thought that after telling you what happened the rest of the story would come out easily, and it would make it all go away, but it didn't… I just…." She paused before she sighed. "I just couldn't put myself through that again…"

Ross hurried to where she was standing and hugged her like he had done so many other times before

"I know, I know… it's ok" he whispered into her ear. "I don't need you to tell me anything, I think I can figure it out on my own"

Rachel quickly let go of Ross's embrace. For the last 5 years she had been learning how to live without him, and it would only take a hug, a kiss or even a look to throw them all away. She just couldn't allow that to happen, she was there to heal, not to open old wounds.

Ross mentally kicked himself. "I'm sorry" he apologized, backing away a few steps.

"It's ok" she lied, not looking up. "Look Ross…" Rachel sighed. "I need to be by myself right now, you've been really kind to come all the way here, and… and to bring this flowers… but I need to do this on my own"

"Sure… sure… I just… I just wanted to see you were ok. A-and to tell you that… if you need anything… well, you know where I live" he added, smiling shyly

"Thanks" Rachel smiled grateful, knowing he meant it.

"Just… don't leave again…"  
She finally looked up at him and into his eyes.

"Not yet… please". He begged

She saw that old flame inside his eyes she used to enjoy so much still burning and dancing inside his pupils.

"Don't worry… I still have a lot of stuff to do here" she assured him

"Good" he said smiling. "I guess I'll see you around then"

"Sure"

* * *

Rachel was left alone with her thoughts once again, with her memories and her ghosts. She was alone again and she felt alone.

A chilling cold run through her back and she wished she'd asked Ross to stay next to her, the last time he had made everything much easier.

She looked up from her father's grave and saw Ross standing far away from where she was, sitting right next to and old tree. Even though she could only see his back, and the distance was enormous, she knew it was him, and she run.

* * *

Ross turned around to check on Rachel, she was trying to move on, he knew, he was trying too, but something told him that as soon as she did, he would be able to do it too.  
Carol had been right, in his life everything had always been about Rachel, and probably it would always be.

Just as he had been doing for the last 4 months, he went to Carol's apartment to demand her taking responsibilities over Ben, she was his mother and the kid missed her so much. "This isn't healthy for a little kid" he had said, and "I don't understand what does he has to do with 'us'… why is he paying for my mistakes?!". He knew calling their marriage a mistake was pushing it too far, she had been the only one who never left his side and stuck with him even knowing Rachel'd never be out of his mind completely.

"Don't you see it?" she had said. "Every time I look at Ben I think of her… of the day we conceived him… of the reasons why we conceived him. You were drunk, desperate, broken hearted. You came to me right after she left and I was so in love with you I couldn't see beyond my nose… I always thought that I loved you enough for both of us, but I've always known she's the reason of the whole thing. I know she's the last thing on your mind when you go to sleep and the first in the morning.  
I'm tired of being in a second place, I'm tired of feeling like the rebound after Rachel, and I'm tired of seeing her face in your eyes every time you look at me… I can't do this anymore Ross… I need a life free of the memory of Rachel… I need to live my own life" Carol paused. "You know it has always been about her… not me, and I need my life to be about me"

And she had been right, that's why he had given up on forcing Carol into his son's life, she deserved a Rachel-free life, for him it was already impossible. 

"I'm sorry" she said once she reached the place where he had been sitting.

Ross looked at her with a smile she could only describe as charming, and she smiled back.

"You don't have to apologize Rach" he said sincerely. I was amazing how two days ago he felt the need to blame her for everything that was wrong in his life, and now, he couldn't help but blame himself and admire how beautiful she was.

"Yes I do… I've been selfish… just like I was 5 years ago, you deserve an explanation more than anymore in the world, and I run away, that's what I always do Ross… I run away… but I'm so tired of running, as I'm tired of feeling scared…" she had been looking straight into his eyes the whole time, somehow his eyes had always managed to keep her together, to carry on, they had always been her light in the darkness that helped her escape from total disorientation, helping her find her way back, they had done it so many years ago, and they were doing it now.

Ross remained silent, he knew she was right, he deserved to know… he just didn't want her to go through all that again so he could satisfied his need for information.

"I just want to know why didn't you tell me" he simply asked

Rachel looked at him intensely, not sure how to put it down in words, but knowing the answer very well.

"I just…" she trailed. "I didn't want to hurt you".

"And you think waking up alone in my bed and finding your note right next to me didn't hurt me?" his tone was not sarcastic, nor he was trying to hurt her. He was just being honest and trying to understand.

Rachel sighed.

"I recognize it wasn't the most brilliant thing to do… but I needed time to figure things out, to get it together… I lost everything I had in just a couple of minutes Ross!!".

She tried to get a hold the tears that were forming in her eyes, but a couple of them made their way through her face.

"And me?? You hadn't lost me Rach, I was there, with you… all the time"

Rachel looked down. "But eventually you would have left" she said, as more tears fell through her chicks. "Eventually that's what everybody do… you would have followed your own way"

Ross hugged her. He simply hugged her and this time she didn't pull away.

"I'd never left you. I never will" he said as he kissed the top of her head. He broke the hug a little just to look into her sad sky blue eyes. "Rachel, I'm not letting you go… I'm not leaving, not now… not ever"

Rachel looked at him for a moment, he was still the same boy she had fallen in love with so many years ago, the same one who told her he was in love with her before their first date even started; her first kiss; her first time; her everything.  
He was the same guy she had been in love with all of these years; he was still her Ross.

"But so many things had happened" she said, stepping away from him once again. "So many things had changed" she added, referring to herself.

"I know. Life has changed us" he said. "You are this beautiful, sexy, woman, so different to that skinny girl I met on a plane once… and I'm sure I'm different too…. I shave now!" he let out a small chuckle.

She smiled too.

"The thing is, I wanna meet the woman you've become Rach, cause I know the girl you used to be"

"But I'm so different now…" she said softly

"How different can you be? You're still scared of being happy, you're still looking for the place where you belong. You still need to be loved so much. I still look into your eyes and see loneliness and a million ghosts tormenting you, maybe this are different ghost, but I wanna help you fight these ones too…"

"I was so scared" she confessed crying, as she hugged him again and cried on his chest, letting it all out. And once again, he was her shelter. He was her refugee. He was her strength.

* * *

They walked from the graveyard together as Rachel felt how she was leaving there more than she expected. Something inside of her started healing just by that talk she'd had with Ross, just by being there with him, just by holding his hand that very moment.

She looked at him and he smiled. That smile that caught her attention so many years ago, that same smile that was making her feel warm once again, that same smile that was making her feel alive and at home. A burden had been left behind and she could feel the pieces of her shattered souls coming together once again. 

"So what do you wanna do now?" he asked. "Lunch perhaps?"

"Lunch would be great" she answered. Her eyes were still red and puffy, but she didn't care. She felt so different somehow.

"Just one thing" he said, stopping their walk. "Would you mind if Ben comes with us? I promised we'd have lunch together, and I'm pretty sure he'd be really happy to know you are joining us"  
"No problem" said Rachel smiling. "It sounds perfect actually".

"Even if that means Chuck & Cheese instead of Tavern on the Green?"

She smiled. "I'll survive"

* * *

Rachel had finally found what she had been looking for so many years. Closure. Forgiveness. Healing. Somehow deep inside she always knew that those things would only come by looking at Ross into the eyes, it was as simple and yet as complicated as that, and now, it was here, it was hers, and she didn't know what to do with it.

She sat on her couch, one of the few things that were unpacked, basically cause the couch had been there when she arrived, as she drank a cup of coffee she had just made.

Funny. 5-years-ago-Rachel had no idea how to make coffee, she thought.

She felt so different from that girl she used to be, she saw her as a different person sometimes, and she knew Ross loved that girl, not this woman. Spending the afternoon with him and his son made her realize he had become the man she always knew he would. He was confident; a good father, caring, loving, and above all things, a good man.  
He definitely was that same boy who had been willing to wait 10 months for her to come back to him. But she was so different, she felt so different. Like she didn't fit in Ross's life anymore. She had been a memory, a pain in his heart, and now here she was, making her way into his life once again. Somehow she felt that is wasn't enough.

There was a knock on the door that snapped her out of her thoughts.

"I'm not specking anyone" Rachel thought, and for a split second she hopped it was Ross.

"Don't be silly" she said to herself.

She opened the door and saw Ben standing in her door strep.

"Weren't you asleep sweety?" she asked sweetly

The kid has run and played so much with his father that afternoon that was beat, and so was Ross. He had fallen asleep in the cab in their way home.

"I just wanted to give you something" he said.

Rachel looked surprised.

"Sure, come on in" she said, letting him enter to her apartment.

"Does your daddy know you are here?"

"Yeah"  
"Good"

Ben looked around. "Are you moving?"

Rachel looked around too. "No, I just… I haven't stared unpacking yet".

"Oh" said Ben simply and started wondering around the room.

Rachel sat on the couch again, without taking her eyes away from the kid. He was definitely a blond and small version of Ross, and the more she looked for Carol's resemblances, the less she could find them.

"Well" she stated. "And where's my gift?"

Ben approached to her and kissed her sweetly on the cheek, leaving Rachel stunned.

"I just wanted to give you a goodnight kiss" he said before leaving the apartment running. "Goodnight!!!" he yelled in his way out.

And then, somehow, Rachel knew it all fitted

To be continued…

This was a long chapter… and probably the one after the ending…I'm still trying to figure out a way to give this an ending that's satisfying enough. For now I'd like to read your feedbacks about this one… so please remember to leave me a review )… and thank you very much for reading…


	15. Chapter 14 Nowdays

New chapter )... hopefully this fic will be done pretty soon... for now, just read, enjoy and left me a review...

I wrote this chapter so many times I hope it still makes sense and it shows what I want it to show, confussion, loneliness and somehow guidance.

Remember they don't belong to me, I'm just a crazy fan who likes them and miss them very much.... and the song is "Distance" by Evan & Jaron

* * *

---Overcoming the loneliness – Ch 14 (Nowdays)---

Life's always a surprise. Every single day an opportunity of starting all over again is born, and the beauty of it all is that it's up to every single person to define the path life will follow. It can take you to heaven as it can take you to hell; but at the end of the journey you can always see life has a little of both, and the moments in heaven make hell endurable, just as hell makes us enjoy being in heaven even more. Without one there wouldn't be the other, just as without day there's no night.  
Rachel knew this, and after spending 5 years in hell for her own will, the road to heaven became every single moment more glorious. Even though there still was a long way ahead of her, she looked at it now with a smile upon her face, knowing that wherever this would take her, it would be better than where she had been. One thing she knew for sure, there was no coming back and deep inside that was the only thing that scared her now, not knowing for sure if the road she was taking wasn't really a wolf dressed as a sheep. For all she knew, darkness will always be with her.

Between the group of friends, tension was still in the air. The other 4 didn't know where Ross and Rachel were standing now, and neither did they. They hadn't had an actual conversation since that day in the graveyard; neither had they shared more than small talks about Ben, the weather, or how obsessed Monica was with her wedding.

Ross didn't want to push her or scare her away, she was there, she was healing and starting to feel happy again, and for him it was all that mattered.

For Rachel, it was a relieve. She was going through so much wondering that very same moment that adding something else to the list would push her over the edge. She was taking it slow now, and it was the way she wanted to keep it.  
So far things were going great, the visits to the graveyard and Rosa's had become a weekly thing, and it was amazing how healing those experiences were. 

Christmas had come and gone with the blink of an eye, and so had new years. Rachel had forgotten how magical the holidays were when you share it with people you love and who care about you, and having a kid around made it even better. Somehow all the bitterness this days used to bring her were gone just by a glimpse at Monica's attempt of having the perfect dinner, Phoebe's weird but adorable songs, Chandler not-so-understandable-but-pretty-sarcastic jokes, Joey and Ben's childish actions and of course, Ross's eyes, the only person in the room who seemed to understand how lonely this days could be, just like she did, even when you were surrender by people. In his eyes she could see understanding, empathy, and loneliness.

* * *

Ben quickly had become someone essential in her life, his energy, his shine, his light, everything about him had such a powerful impact on her, she just couldn't explain. Deep down she knew it was because of the idea of her baby, the one that had been inside of her for so little, but lived in her heart for so long, the one she saw whenever she looked at Ben. She knew he wasn't her baby, and he never would be, he had never been inside of her, he was Carol's, the one woman she had always been jealous of, the one ghost that had haunted her relationship with Ross in the past, the one face she saw standing next to Ross whenever she pictured his new life all those years she was away. But whenever he was around, she liked to pretend all of that hadn't been true, she liked to pretend she was confident, secure, and mature enough to be a mother, she liked to make the other people believe she was his mother. Deep down she wanted to be.

It was one particular day, while she was in the park with him, that she realized she'd probably been pretending for too long.

"Rachel?" has said the little kid looking at her, while she sited on one of the benches from the park.

"Yeah sweety" she replied, taking away her eyes from the book she had been reading, to look straight into his eyes. She enjoyed looking at him whenever he had a big question, like he always did. His eyes danced just like his daddy's.

"Can I call you mommy?" he simply asked, leaving Rachel stunned, catching her off guard.

His question was so sincere and pure that made Rachel's eyes water and her heart squish.

"Why… why… why would… why would you call me 'mommy' sweety?

"Because all kids at school have mommies, and I don't…. and cause I want you to be mine" he answered.

Rachel hugged him, not able to contain the tears any longer; she had come back to New York looking for closure, not to turn her life into a big charade. She realized she couldn't force herself into Ben's life, that would only bring him suffer, this wasn't her place after all, she knew it, or she wanted to believe it. Soon enough the real her would take her life over, and she would go back to be the self-centered, workaholic woman she had been the last 5 years. Ben needed more than that. Ross needed more than that.

"Benny-boy, listen to me" she said, breaking the hug and wiping her tears away. "You're not the one who gets to decide if I'm your new mommy, and neither am I. your new mom will be whoever your dad wants her to be…"

Ben looked down.

"But hey!" she lifted his chin. "Even if that's not me, that won't mean I'll love you any less". She added, kissing the top of his head and hugging him once again. She did love him, how could she not to? Ross was in that little boy.

This time, the pretending had gone a bit too far. Ben's feelings were on the line

"Perfect Rachel!, this is just perfect" she thought

* * *

He opened the door of his fridge to get a beer, feeling completely exhausted. He still didn't know how Rachel did it to deal with Ben an entire day on her days off; he couldn't handle the little kid for more than a few hours. The familiarity of this routine made him feel warm, like whenever Rachel was with Ben he could pretend they were one big happy family. But at the end of the day, when he got home, pretending was all it was. He was alone.

Since Rachel showed up in Ben's life he had been acting more like the kid he should have always been, having her around made him so good, and he loved her so much. It was so satisfying seeing them together.  
If only he could share with her the same closeness his son did.

He took a sip from his beer and turned on the TV, flipping through the channels. He wasn't really in the mood to watch TV, he hadn't been in the mood for anything lately; he just didn't want to go to bed yet.  
His nights had felt so lonely lately, not even when Carol had left him he had felt this way, to be honest with himself, many nights he had felt alone while Carol was sleeping by his side. Knowing Rachel was asleep in the apartment above him didn't help. He would stay up all night, remembering how it was having her in his arms, waking up next to her, seeing her smile in the morning, shinning brighter than the new day. Her kisses, her touch, her smell, the way she trembled whenever they made love. He'd wonder if she still did it and if she had done it with another man, if her naked body still looked like a sculpture under the moonlight, and if she still snored while she slept.

He turned off the TV and went to the stereo, maybe a little music would take his mind away for her for a few minutes, he thought, knowing it wouldn't work. Music always made him think of her even more.

The sky has lost his color  
The sun has turned to grey  
At least that's how it feels to me  
Whenever you are away

He sat on his couch again, feeling how the tunes and lyrics of the song filled the room and his head, while he emptied his beer can. There was something very lonely about that night, even more than any other, and he feared she'd leave him again.

This time he wouldn't be able to take it.

I still believe in feelings  
But sometimes I feel too much  
I make believe you're close to me  
But it ain't close enough  
Not nearly close enough

The knock on the door snapped him back to reality. He had been so into his thoughts that for a second the room around him had seemed to disappear.

He stood up and went to open the door, and there she was, standing in front of him, like if his thoughts had called her, he'd had been quietly screaming her name for a very long time, and as pretending was his game now, he would pretend she had heard his calling.

She wore a look that was hard to read, and he hated the feeling of not knowing what she was going through anymore. It made him feel she was farther away, in a place he couldn't reach her anymore.

"Hey Rach" he greeted. "Can I help you?"

"Hey… can I talk to you?" she smiled weakly, and kind of ashamed of herself for asking.

"Of course, of on in"

"Thanks"

She stepped into the apartment and saw the empty can of beer in the middle of the coffee table, right next to an empty box of pizza and what looked like Chinese food recipients.

"I was just…" he tried to explain his mess.

"I know… feeling too tired to clean up, huh?" she smiled. "Ben can tire anybody"

"Oh yeah, that's very true"

"Is he asleep already?"

"Yeah, it's passed his bed time"

"Right"

"So what did you guys do today?"

"The usual, we went to the park, he run all over the place, I read a book… you know"

Small talks like this had been the tonic of every single conversation they'd had for the last 2 months, and suddenly Ross felt sick of it. He wished she just say what she wanted to say and leave him alone. Seeing her there tormented him more than he thought it would. He missed her so much, so much it was killing him.

"Can I offer you something to drink?" he asked instead of what he really wanted to ask.

"No, thanks" she replied polite. Somehow she couldn't manage to look at him in the eyes.

He gestured to her to sit on the couch and, very shyly, she did so.

Both stayed quiet for what it seemed like an eternity. She hated that feeling of awkwardness that ruled their encounters this days, everything seemed so forced.

"So…" he sat next to her in the big brown couch, and let his eyes wonder around her face. "What do you want to talk to me about?"

Rachel felt very nervous. Ross still made her feel so many different things, especially when he was looking at her like that and sitting so close.

"It's… well… it's about Ben" she answered.

Right, what else could it be about? Them?... of course not. He stood up feeling frustrated. What was he thinking?

"What's up with my son?" his tone wasn't as nice as he thought it could be, letting it show all the frustration and anger he was feeling at the moment with himself for still being so damn optimistic, if he still could use that word.

Rachel turned around to look at him. Ross was upset. She knew it, and felt so guilty.

Great, guilt again, the one thing she was trying to get rid of.

"He… well… I… I don't think I should be spending as much time with him as I am"

Ross looked at her. "What?"

Rachel stood up from the couch and started wondering around the apartment, stopping by the window.

"He asked me if he could call me mommy today" she confessed, as she let go of a sign. "I don't want him to get the wrong idea"

She turned around to see Ross's stunned face.

"And I don't want Ben to be a part of this, he has nothing to do with what happened and I don't want him to get hurt. That's why I want you to talk to him, explain him I can't be her mother"

"Why not?" Ross let slip.

"What?" she asked stunned.

"Why can you be his mother? The kid is crazy about you… he adores you"

Rachel sighed again, closing her eyes not to see his face, his pleading eyes asking her for such a wonderful task she just couldn't do.

"I'm going back to London"

Ross felt how his world trembled and crashed once again. He wasn't going to let her go, not this time, not like this.

"I thought you had stopped running" he replied, trying not to seem affected by the news.

"I'm not running away…"

"You're not?! There's a kid in there, ready to love you with all his heart and you're running away from it!!"

"What are you talking about?"

"You are doing it again!!" Ross yelled. "Is it so horrible for you to feel loved that you have to push away everybody who ever tries to??"

Rachel remained quiet. Ross was right, he was very right.

"It's not that…" she said softly.

"It's not?" he sighed. "It was your father the one who died that day Rachel, not you"

"Don't talk about my father!!" she cried

"Listen to me…" he demanded, taking her by the shoulders, noticing her eyes were filled with tears.

"Nothing of that was your fault" he said.

Rachel let go of Ross, she didn't want to listen to this again. Not again, and certainly, not from him.

He grabbed her by the wrist, not letting her leave the apartment.

"I said listen to me!" he repeated.

She turned around and caught the look his eyes were giving her. She stopped trying of letting go from him and stood still, not looking up.

"Rachel, stop blaming yourself for something you had no control over. Guilt is not going to take you anywhere, and shouting your heart won't do it either. It won't bring your father or the baby back, it won't give you back your old life either.  
I promised you I'd help you to heal, but you've been keeping me away from you because you know I love you. Don't do this Rach, don't run away from me again, please"

He wiped away the tears that were rolling down her face with his free hand. She closed her eyes, feeling his touch so gentle, so caring and so filled with love.

"You need to be loved… you need to be loved so much. And you deserve it, probably more than anyone in the world…"

"Look at me" he pleaded.

She slowly looked up.

"I'm here… I'm still here, willing to give you my heart, and so is my son. We can't live without you Rach. Don't be afraid of loving us back"

His eyes were begging her for a chance to love her, and she couldn't understand how a man could love a screw up woman like her so much.

"I'm sorry" she said with a sob freeing her wrist from his hand, while shaking her head. "I… I just… I can't"

Ross shook his head, feeling how a couple of tears rolled down his cheeks. 

"I don't deserve it. I ruined your life, and mines, my father's and even Carol's… you can't see it, but that's what I do… I don't wanna ruin Ben's too"

"Do you know" he said softly, "that if you walk out that door… you'll take my heart with you? I died the day you left; a part of my soul left my body and went away with you… I tried looking for you so many times… even when I was married to Carol. I think I went to London 3 or 4 times… and then I gave up. I understood I had to live, for my son, not even for myself.  
So if you leave now, I won't do it again, I won't look for you… I won't even chase out for you to get you back…"

Ross looked straight into her eyes.

"So if you're gonna leave, do it now… cause it 10 seconds I'm going to kiss you, and if I do that I won't be ever to forget you for the rest of my life". 

Rachel didn't move… so many things running through her mind, so many images and opportunities, so many chances and so many choices to make, all the decisions she had to take in less than 10 seconds. She also knew if she let him kiss her, she'd never had the strength to leave, if he allowed him to press her lips against hers she'd stay there, kissing him forever, and for that, she must leave, she must leave that very same moment, before it was too late.

"…10"

Too late.

His lips were pressed against hers before she realized what was actually happening, that old feeling of been actually swept of her feet and having taken her breath away was washing over here once again. Ross's lips had always had that power over her. Well, his lips, his hands, his whole body had a power over her that she'd never been able to explain.

Instead of pulling away, like Ross thought she would, she deepened the kiss, opening her mouth so his tongue could wonder around her mouth. This felt so normal, this felt so right, and both had been missing it since that one last kiss they had shared 5 years ago.

His hands, first firmly placed on her hips, were now playing with her hair, God he loved her hair, specially that coconut smell that used to drive him so crazy.

Her hands traveled through his back, to his chest, to end up wrapped around his neck, holding onto him not to break the kiss she had longed for such a long time.

He broke the kiss just to kiss her forehead, while she buried her face into his chest. He kept holding her, keeping her near, feeling and listening to their heart beats and her breathes. He wasn't letting her go.

With his arms firmly wrapped around her, she looked up, looking for his eyes, catching him eyeing her with a smile upon his face. Suddenly she felt that same clumsy girl who, so many years ago, had stood in front of him outside the building where she spent her summers with her father, right after receiving her first kiss. It had been this very same boy who now was in front of her, and the same feeling of a new beginning had washed over her that same night.

She kissed him again, this time not so deep and quicker than the previews time, not because they didn't want to repeat the previews kiss, but because they just wanted to enjoy the closeness of each other.

"Stay" he said. Not as a request or a command, but as a pleading, one that came from a wounded heart, one that only 5 minutes ago, and after 5 years, had started to heal.

She just nodded. It was so hard to say no to him.

But most important, she didn't want to say no.

In that kiss she had found something she had thought lost for such a long time, in his lips she had found herself, in that moment, she had felt happy, the same happiness she used to feel when she was 15, the same happiness she felt every time he looked at her. The same happiness she felt whenever she was home.

* * *

Tadaaa... ).... only an epilogue left now....

To everybody who's been reading, thanks for keep up with me with this fic, and please, remember to leave me a review... it's very important to me to know what you thought, specially cause this was kind of an important chapter... 


	16. Epilogue

* * *

Naivety and childhood left behind  
deprived of the goodness of mankind,  
past encounters have made her strong,  
strong enough to carry on and on  
- "Naked"

* * *

-Overcoming the loneliness – Epilogue-

Rachel woke up feeling kind of dizzy, which she reckoned, was normal for a woman in her condition. She didn't recognize the room she was in, maybe a new one, it was hard to tell, they all looked the same.  
It seemed so long ago since the first time she was in one of this rooms, probably cause it had been more than 15 years, maybe cause back then she was a different woman, or maybe not. Somehow she felt she still was that scared girl, the one that had gone from a fairy tale life to a self-created hell, a living nightmare she had chosen to live.

She now knew, it was easier to suffer than to feel happy, it was easier to be alone and felt rejected than feel loved, it was easier to be lonely, and now that she thought about it, her life was much easier back then. Self-pity was always a good excuse for not archiving goals and letting people down, it was also a very good reason to shut somebody's heart and life, living bitter and frustrated. She knew that now, and most of the time she wished she had known it back then too, she may had lived differently.

Somebody walked into the room while she was still absorbed in the thoughts of who she had once been, a past that seemed so estrange, so far away, but so hers, that past that had made her who she was now, and that had given her all the strength she needed in tough and not so tough times.

She noticed him standing by the door, and smiled.

"Come on in sweety, I'm awake" she said softly. Her voice sometimes didn't feel like her own, but somebody's older and wiser, although she didn't look one day older than 35.

He walked into the room, approached a chair next to her bed, and sat by her side. By her side, just like he'd been the last 10 years. She never thought, when she went back to New York, she'd find someone she could love like this. Of all the people in her life, he'd been the one who had helped her to find herself, to heal her wounds and simply smile again.

He'd given her answers to questions she'd been too afraid to ask. He'd been her light, her guidance and her lead back to happiness.

"How are you feeling?" he asked with a soothing voice.

"Tired, but fine, great actually" she replied

He smiled, he knew she was lying, he knew her way too much to be able to see in her eyes she didn't like that place, somehow he didn't like it too; hospitals had always given him the chills.

"Where's everybody?" she asked, looking at him in the eyes. Those beautiful blue eyes that shone with every breath he took. She loved his eyes; she'd always had, ever since the first time she saw herself in them.

Now that she was there, looking into his still very naïve soul, she wondered how could she ever thought of leaving him.

He took her hand and smiled, she smiled back. It had always been like this with them, words weren't necessary, they could communicate in a higher level, something neither of them shared with anybody else.

After all, she'd seen it the first time she saw him, and then 5 years after that. Ben had always been a special child.

"My dad and Phoebe were getting some coffee, aunt Monica and Chandler took the kids home, they told us to call whenever you were up, they are coming back later. I'm gonna tell dad you're awake".

"No sweety, wait. Your dad will come later, I wanna talk to you"

Ben looked at her weirdly, concerned actually.

"Is there something wrong mom?"

Ben knew Rachel wasn't his real mother, but that had never been an issue for him, he had never cared actually. It was funny, most of the time people commented how much he looked like his mother, talking about Rachel, so nobody had ever known the truth, except for the family, of course. He was lucky, and he felt lucky, nobody got the chance to pick their parents, but he had chosen his mother when he was 5 and never once regretted it. He had very few memories of his life before Rachel, and his biological mother was nothing but a face on some faded pictures in old family albums. He thought had seen her once he was shopping with Rachel, but never bothered asking. He truly didn't care.  
Rachel had treated him like a son, and that was all that mattered to him. She was his mother, whether she'd given birth to him or not. That other woman hadn't been by his side when he got the chicken pox or joined him in every school activity he had, nor had she fought, yelled and almost hit that soccer couch who didn't let him play for being shorter than the rest of the team when he was 10. No. That other woman had never been his mother.

"It's nothing to be worried about sweety" she replied with a little chuckle. "Don't worry" she winked. "I'm fine".

"Ok" he replied. "It's just that the doctor said it could be dangerous… giving… you know…"

"That was the other time Ben, everything's safe now" she reassure him

He nodded. Still, he couldn't help feeling worried.

She knew it.

"So… did you see him?" she asked excited

"Yup" he replied with a nod. "He was sleeping though"

"Yeah, they do that a lot" she laugh

"Yeah, I know… although I remember Emma didn't sleep much"

Rachel sighed.

"Your sister was a nightmare" she smiled. "But a good one"

"She still is mom… she still is"

"Sweety, you're awake!" said Ross through the door step, seeing her wife and their son talking. "Why didn't you tell me Ben?"

"Oh no, I asked him not to…" she replied sticking her tongue out while Ross made a funny hurt face. "I just wanted a little time alone with my baby" she added, rubbing Ben's hand.

"Where's Phoebe?" Ben asked

"She's on the phone with Joey; he wanted to know the sex of the baby and knowing if you were ok. He said this was his last week of shooting, so he'll come to meet the baby as soon he can". Ross smiled.

Rachel smiled back, but her smile slowly started to fade.

"What?"

"Aren't you going to kiss me, I just had your baby!" she asked, trying to sound mad.

"Of course" he said, hurrying himself to her side and giving her a passionate kiss on the lips.

"You guys get a room!" shout Ben, rolling his eyes at his parents' show of affection.

Ross broke the kiss and looked at Rachel grinning.

"Better?"

"Well… pity kisses are better than no kiss at all" she teased.

Rachel made room for Ross to sit next to her in the bed. He hugged her and kissed the top of her head.

"You know what" said Ben, standing up. "I'm gonna go find Phoebe, I wanna talk to Joey" he added before leaving the room. The kid knew how to take hints, Ross thought.

"Emma went with the twins and Chandler and Monica" he said once they were alone.

"Yeah, Ben told me. Remind me to thank Monica later"

"Come on sweety, Monica loves Emma, and she loves her cousins"

Their little talk was interrupted by the presence of the nurse in the room, with her, the newest member of the Geller family.

Rachel smiled; she'd been dying to see her baby boy.

"We are going to start trying breast feeding" said the nurse, in a sweet caring tone, while handing the baby to the new parents.

"Watch his head" said Ross

"Honey, I've done this before".

Sometimes Ross forgot she wasn't a young girl anymore, he was always trying to help her like she was defenseless, it was cute at times, and annoying at others. But it was what made him different than anybody else, and she loved him none the less.

"I need to ask you if you have a name for him yet"

"Not yet" replied Rachel

"Actually" Ross said. "I was thinking about that while you were sleeping" 

They gave the nurse an uncomfortable look, and just like Ben, she took the hint quickly.

"I'll be back in a couple of minutes" she excused herself out of the room. 

Once they were left alone again, the room went silent, they were mesmerized by that little piece of heaven they'd created together, looking at him breathe in and out was just addictive. Rachel had felt the same the first time she held Emma in her arms, and felt a bit down knowing she'd been denied such honor with Ben. After all, he had always been her baby.

"So?"

"Yeah… well…" Ross trailed.

"What?" she asked intrigued. "Is not Phoebo, is it?"

Ross smiled.

"Of course not"

"Then what?"

"Ok… what if… what if we call him Leonard, like your father"

Rachel was speechless, that suggestion had caught her off guard.

"You just have to say yes or no" said Ross after a couple of minutes. "Please say something…"

"But… you never liked my father"

"I believe it was the other way around"

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah, I never had a problem with him"

"No, I mean, about naming the baby Leonard…"

"Of course hon. I thought…"

He stood up from the bed and walked around the room.

"I thought it would be a way of finally putting everything behind"

He stopped by the feet of the bed, giving her one sweet look.

"It is behind honey" she said

"Rach… I've seen you cry, when you think nobody can hear or see you, late at night…•

"It's… it's not…"

"It's okay, I don't want you to forget about him, or that day for that matter. I know it's already impossible. I just want that when you think of him, you think the nice you did together, the good memories, not the fights, and certainly not that day"

Rachel smiled.

Oh boy, how much he knew her… it was amazing, he knew more about her than herself, and that had always been a nice feeling. She could rely on him; she could run to him whenever she needed. And now, he was asking her to take one last step into a complete healing.

He'd never pushed her into anything, for the last 10 years, every single step forward she'd taken, in her life or in their relationship, had been very careful, at its right time and with his complete support. That's why he didn't propose until they'd been together for 3 years, or why he never insisted on having children until it was her idea, even though she always knew he wanted a big family.

He always knew healing a broken heart was a long process, and he'd been there in every step of the way.

She looked up at him and nodded.

"Leonard Geller Green, it fits!"

She smiled widely and so did he, hugging her tight and kissing her forehead after kissing sweetly her lips

They looked at their baby, resting in Rachel's arms and deeply asleep

"Hey Leo" said Rachel softly, smelling the little baby's hair. "That'd be our nickname for you"

Ross brushed a lock of hair that was falling in Rachel's face and tossed it behind her hear before kissing his son's little head, caressing Rachel's hands.

This was it. This was her family. This was her place. This was her home.

She smiled to herself.

Home.

The one thing she'd been looking for her entire life. And she had been right all along; it had always been in New York, in the place it all started. A plane.

A plane she took filled with dreams of fairy tales and epic love stories, being just a naive teenage girl. The same plane she left as a grown up woman, who almost gave up on that girl's dreams, but who now had reached them all. Even that epic love story.

And it had been better

It had been real.

It had been hears.

THE END

* * *

That was the story…. Once again THANK YOU VERY MUCH to those who've been reading this since the start…. It took me a while, but I finished it, and I'm happy with it. For the moment, please LEAVE ME A REVIEW, to know if you liked the ending and other stuff, you know… I'd be happy with anything you guys want to tell me.  
Take care and I'll see you all in a next fic 


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